Baggage Claim
by Peter Podgursky
Did you make it through security ok?
Yup. I’m glad I checked in online. The airport is freaking packed.
Told you so.
Yeah yeah. But you’ll never guess who I just met.
Waldo?
Who?
From the Where’s Waldo Books? Did you finally found him?
Ha ha. Be serious dad.
Since I’ll never guess, why don’t you just tell me?
I forgot his name. But he’s that guy you said you liked from that desert movie.
Mad Max?
No. That just came out. This was an old movie.
Mad Max was also an old movie.
You know what I mean. The one with that guy with the motorcycle that crashes.
There is a really great motorcycle crash in the old Mad Max.
Well, it wasn’t like that. It took place back in olden times. It was reaaaaaalllllllly loooooooooong.
That doesn’t really help me.
Well it’s not like I can just Google “really long classic movie”. I think the actor’s last name is like Sherriff or something.
Like a cop?
Sort of, but you say it weird.
Are you thinking of Lawrence of Arabia?
Yes! That’s the one. I met the Sherriff guy from that movie.
Omar Sharif?
Yes. That’s him!
Bwahahahahaha!
What?
There is no way you met Omar Sharif at the airport.
I did too! He was dressed like he was in the movie.
Was he really old looking?
Kinda. How old is he?
Well he’s dead, so I don’t think it matters much.
No he’s not. I just met him.
Did he want to eat your brains or drink your blood?
Shut up. He’s not dead. I just spoke to him twenty minutes ago.
Don’t take my word for it. Google Omar Sharif.
Well?
I hate you.
Bwahaha. So you talked to this guy?
Yes.
And he told you he was Omar Sharif?
No. He didn’t say his name and I didn’t want him to know that I didn’t know it.
Hahaha.
Shut up!
What on earth did you talk about?
Look. I already feel like an idiot. No need to rub it in.
Did you tell him you wanted to be an actress?
Maybe…
Did he give you any advice?
He seemed a little confused.
Bwahahahahaha!
Stop it!
Only you would get yourself into something like that.
He mostly asked about my trip. He has a daughter who lives in New York.
Didn’t I teach you not to talk to strangers?
Well, he wasn’t a stranger. I thought he was a celebrity.
Even if he were a celebrity he would be a stranger.
It’s not the same.
I swear it’s like no matter what I tell you to do, you run off and do the opposite.
I do not.
Maybe you’ll run into James Dean next?
The porn star!?
What!!?
James Deen is a male porn star. Google it.
No. That guy is probably named after the real guy. James Dean with an “A”.
Oh.
I don’t even want to know why you know that.
Lots of people know about him. Ugh. I’m so bummed. I told this guy that I’d deliver a package to his daughter.
He gave you a package?
Yeah. When he found out what flight I was on he said his daughter was going to be at the baggage claim in New York.
He wanted me to give it to her.
Did he tell you what was in the package?
Duh. It’s a surprise.
I hope you’re joking.
No. Y?
You’re not supposed to take mysterious packages from strange people at the airport.
And that goes double for anybody dressed like Omar Sharif from Lawrence of Arabia.
Don’t be racist dad. Not cool.
I think you should go to tell security.
I can’t. I’m in line to board the plane. You think this thing could be dangerous?
YES!
Should I just leave it?
You can’t just leave mysterious packages around the airport. You’ll be arrested.
I could open it and make sure it’s safe.
NO! GO TO SECURITY!
But I’ll miss my flight.
It doesn’t matter. GO!
You’re overreacting, dad.
Are you calling me?
Yes. You have to tell somebody about this.
I’m already on the plane.
I told you not to get on the plane.
They called my seat number.
What flight are you on?
LAUREL!?
Look, just forget I said anything.
I’m going to call the airport.
No. Please don’t embarrass me.
Then tell somebody.
Fine. I will.
Thank you. You can’t be too careful you know.
Yeah, you’re right.
It’s too bad you’ll have to miss your flight. Sorry.
Huh?
Well, hopefully they’ll book you on the next one assuming I’m overreacting.
Oh we’re about to take off.
What!?
Don’t worry about it, dad. I’ll tell somebody as soon as we land.
App