A couple days later, Heather texts Jenna.
Heather
As if today at work wasn’t long and shitty enough, I now stand before the door of doom…
Jenna
Tell your mom hi and that I miss her taco casserole.
Heather
If I survive whatever my batty mother has in store, I’ll be sure to let her know.
Jenna
Come on, she’s not that bad.
Heather
I know. It’s just that she changed after Dad died, and I don’t know what to do with her.
Jenna
So she’s a little sassy and promiscuous now…
Heather
Do you know what it’s like for a daughter to be “the mother” in a relationship with her own MOTHER?
Jenna
Oh, buck up and get tonight over with.
Jenna
Bleh yourself. You’re just cranky because you could be happily orgasming right now…
Jenna
IF you had followed up with Nightwing after the party like I told you to.
Heather
He didn’t care enough to contact ME either, so no big loss.
Heather
He’s another one and done.
Jenna
You’re so full of crap.
Jenna
I’ve seen you walking around the office like a zombie…
Heather rolls her eyes, shoves her phone into her purse, and exhales.
She knocks on her mom’s door.
Mom opens up right away with a big smile, a flashy dress, and a bottle of beer.
She gives the beer to Heather while she walks in.
Mom
Hi yourself. Drink up, because I have some news!
Heather
I figured you would.
Mom
Oh, don’t be such a sourpuss. We’re going to have company any minute.
Heather takes a long swig of beer.
Heather
Please tell me you bought a chastity belt.
Mom
No, but close. I’m dating one man exclusively! And you’re meeting him tonight!
Hardly shocked by Mom’s news, Heather chugs the beer and walks to the kitchen for another.
She pities whoever this poor man is because Mom will NEVER settle down—
Not after her heart was broken by Dad’s death.
Heather
I was really hoping for the chastity belt, Mom.
Mom
How many times do I have to tell you to call me Kathy, honey?
Mom
I’m young enough to look like I’m your big sister, anyway, so why ruin the illusion?
When Heather doesn’t answer, her mom continues chattering.
Mom
By the way, his three sons are also coming here for dinner.
Heather
Already? Usually it takes a little longer for me to meet the whole family.
Mom
Honey, this time it’s for real!
Mom
Anyway, the boys are all wonderful, trustworthy firefighters like their standup daddy…
Mom
But watch out for the youngest one.
Mom
He’s probably a couple years older than you — he’s at least twenty-five…
Mom
But he’s got LOTS of experience, if you know what I mean.
Mom
And what I MEAN is that he’s an arrogant slut who sleeps with anything.
Heather
Sounds lovely, Kathy.
As Heather starts on her second beer, her Mom’s boyfriend arrives with his family.
When Heather is introduced to the youngest son, Connor the Slut, she’s smitten.
His eyes are blue, his hair is black under the baseball cap he wears backward, and his stubble is carefree and sexy.
His smile is as lethal as a supervillain’s.
While everyone gets acquainted, Heather finds herself getting another beer with him in the kitchen…
He rolls his eyes, deadpanning an introduction.
Connor
So I’m guessing that you’re as excited about this meeting as I am?
Heather
You mean our parents dating? Wrong — I’m SO over the moon about it.
Connor
Sarcasm alert. Believe me, I’m on the same frequency.
Heather
So is your dad a serial dater like my mom is?
Connor
He’s working on it. It’s been a while since Mom passed away, but he just started dating a month ago.
Heather
A guppy in the dating pond and the first thing he runs into is a barracuda.
Connor laughs in surprise, as if he…?
Nah. He can’t be appreciating her candor THAT much.
Heather
I should add that I love my mom very much.
Heather
But, just so you know, we’ve had many men over for dinner before.
Connor
God, just look at my dad. He’s glowing around her.
Heather
Unfortunately, she ends up breaking a lot of hearts. I hope your dad’s isn’t one of them.
Connor gives her another surprised yet interested look.
Wow, it’s suddenly real warm in this kitchen…
Heather
Listen, I’m only being honest with you because your dad seems like a nice guy.
Heather
Besides, it was a long day at work and I’m a bit drunk.
Connor
What do you do for work?
Heather
I hold the scintillating position of personal assistant to a CEO.
Connor
You don’t like what you do?
Heather
Let’s just say I plan to get more out of life.
Frowning, she switches the topic. Somehow, she’s enjoying her conversation with the slut.
Heather
So my mom told me you’re a firefighter.
Heather
Pardon me while I feel relatively useless compared to THAT.
He raises his eyebrows and she winces.
Heather
Sorry. But I told you — I’m extra blunt tonight.
Connor
Blunt is refreshing.
Connor
To be honest, women aren’t usually themselves around me.
Heather
Oh. Do they try too hard to impress you?
Heather
I can’t imagine why that would be.
She gestures with her bottle toward the muscles under his tee and…
Well, the whole damned lust-inducing package, really.
Connor
I guess firefighters do have a built-in appeal for some women.
Connor
But sometimes they just see the firefighter uniform and don’t look beyond that.
Heather
Your attempt at humility is endearing.
Connor
I hear that sarcasm alert going off again.
Heather
Come on, let’s not fool each other. You can’t possibly be humble.
Heather
Firemen have groupies. Everyone knows that.
Connor
Truthfully, getting laid a lot was kind of a perk when I first started the job.
Connor
But then I realized that I actually love what I do, and that’s what should matter.
Heather
Ah, a true-blue hero right here in my mom’s kitchen.
As he goes quiet, he sends her a long look, as if he’s trying to see past her bravado.
Electric desire zings through Heather, and she tamps it down.
Heather
Just so you know, I’M not a groupie.
Heather
And giving me that kind of slut-boy look isn’t going to make me one.
Connor
You sure like to talk enough about groupies.
Heather
It’s a fascinating subject.
Connor
One we could chat about for hours, I’m sure.
He grins wickedly, obviously teasing her.
Connor
You know, I was thinking about bowing out of this dinner to go somewhere else.
Heather
You want to get out of here. With me.
Heather
Because I’m not remotely your type.
Connor
You mean a groupie?
Heather
Yeah, a groupie with every straight hair in place.
He gives her a cocky, playful grin.
In spite of herself, she bites back a smile, thinking about Nightwing and how cocky HE was.
Connor
A smile like that is a sure sign that you’re thinking about leaving here with me.
Connor
Did you have something else planned for tonight?
Heather
I could if I wanted to.
Heather nearly shivers as she thinks about texting Nightwing.
Maybe she should do it and scratch this itch that Connor has given her…
She starts to leave, looking over her shoulder at him.
Connor
Where’re you going?
Heather
Somewhere — anywhere to get away from the hero in this kitchen.
Heather
I’ve been saving people all day, but I’ve been saving MYSELF for a superhero.
Connor’s expression changes ever so slightly just before Heather leaves him behind.
A couple hours later, after dinner, Heather takes a shared ride to the subway.
She’s flustered because of Connor, who kept sneaking curious looks at her throughout the meal.
Maybe he was just miffed that she turned him down?
As she wrestles with thoughts of him, her phone dings with a text.
She smiles at the new name she’s given her Ballsy Admirer.
Nightwing
I’ve been wondering, Cap…
Nightwing
What other costumes do you like to wear?
