And it makes me tremble like mad.
I’ve crushed on Paul all year…
And we’re finally in my room on a date.
I know I should be happy…
But I’m so nervous I can’t breathe.
I’ve never kissed anyone before.
And not even my best friend knows it.
I told everyone I kissed this hot guy at camp.
But I completely made him up.
And Paul DEFINITELY bought it.
And he’s kissing my neck!
Is this is moving too fast?
I mean, this feels amazing…
But I don’t know what I’m doing.
Alex
I need to use the bathroom.
But I spend the next 2 minutes talking to my reflection.
Alex
Don’t chicken out, Alex…
Alex
He obviously likes you.
But will he still be into me when he sees how clumsy I am?
I mean, he could be a Kissing Olympian!
He probably wants to make-out with someone experienced.
There’s no way he wants to offer a tutorial.
Why oh why didn’t I google “How to Kiss” earlier?!
I start kissing my hand for practice.
Obviously, I’m desperate.
Am I even kissing the right way?
I’m never going to find out by kissing myself.
So I take a deep breath and leave the bathroom.
Back in my room, Paul is lounging in bed like a model.
And I’d certainly buy whatever he’s selling.
He places his hand over mine.
Sparks of desire leap between us.
And I pull away with a yelp.
I sound like a wounded animal.
Alex
I’m sorry…it’s just…
I sigh. My words whoosh out of me in one breath.
Alex
I’ve never done this before.
Alex
I mean, isn’t it obvious?
My face goes as red as a stop sign.
Paul tries to hide the shock on his face.
And, like the genius I am, I keep rambling on.
Alex
But it’s not just kissing…
Alex
Ugh, I barely even talk to boys.
Alex
I haven’t done any of it…
Paul puts his hand on mine.
Then he crinkles his brow.
Alex
Never got around to it.
I try to give him a casual shrug.
But the truth is, kissing terrifies me.
Paul
You never got around to it?
Paul
Did you leave it off your calendar?
Ha ha. Let’s laugh at my expense.
Alex
I’ve focused more on school…
Alex
And I…wasn’t interested in dating.
Paul scoots closer to me.
Paul
It’s okay to be nervous.
Paul
We can take things as slow as you want.
Paul
We don’t have to kiss if you don’t want to.
Paul Riccardo, Kissing Olympian, is willing to take things slow for me?
Alex
I really like you though…
Paul
I really like you too.
Paul
Does it ever bother you?
Alex
I don’t really think about it.
But I’m thinking about it, even now.
I can’t take my eyes off them.
Paul
Because if you wanted to…
Paul
Get it over with, I mean…
Paul
You know I’m your man.
We sit in a thick silence.
Stop being nervous, Alex!
I can feel my heart thumping in my chest.
It’s so loud it could wake the neighbors.
He’s trying not to show it…
But he looks disappointed.
He probably can’t wait to leave.
And I’ll never see him again.
Alex
We can kiss if you want…
Paul
You said you didn’t want to.
Paul
Alex, don’t make yourself uncomfortable.
Paul
Your knuckles are white!
And now my face is redder.
Paul
What scares you about it?
Alex
I just don’t know how…
Alex
So I’m worried I’ll ruin the moment.
Alex
I don’t want to be your worst kiss.
Paul
Alex, kissing you could NEVER be my worst kiss.
Alex
You don’t know that.
Paul
Because I’d be kissing you.
That warm sensation around my heart.
Paul squeezes my hand and then lets it go.
He scoots back from me, giving me space.
Paul
If it’s too much, then forget it.
Paul
First kisses are scary.
Paul
I thought I’d have a panic attack.
Paul
Yeah. I had to sit down.
Alex
Knowing me, I’ll probably faint.
Paul
If you need CPR, I’ve got you covered.
My eyes travel back to Paul’s lips…
Kissing never interested me before I got to know Paul…
But now I feel like a moth drawn to light.
I can just tell my eyes are full of hunger.
And our noses collide with a crack.
We both recoil, stumbling in opposite directions.
Paul
Alex, WHAT WAS THAT?!
Alex
I tried to kiss you!
Paul
Usually people kiss with their lips, not their foreheads!
My face could light a match now.
Alex
I KNEW I’d be horrible.
God, now the tears in my eyes aren’t just from pain.
I open my eyes wide, trying to direct them into my tear ducts.
But then Paul wraps an arm around me.
Paul
We’ll just have to practice.
My gaze drops to Paul’s lips…
Paul
Okay. Will you please stay still this time?
My whole body goes rigid.
And he lifts his hand to my neck…
Up top, so he can cradle the back of my head.
He moves toward me slowly…
Oh god, I want this so badly…
And he grazes my lips with his own.
Delicious heat passes between us…
And I close my eyes to absorb every element of it.
And my body feels like it’s soaring.
We finally part with a little smack.
I open my eyes to meet his stare.
Alex
As if it could get worse.
Paul
Don’t beat yourself up…
Paul
At least our noses didn’t break.
He plants a kiss on my forehead.
It makes it easier for me to smile about the whole thing.
Alex
Was that first kiss your worst kiss ever?
Paul
It was my BEST worst kiss.
Paul
And that second one…
Paul
Well, that one was the very best.
