One minute, I’m enjoying some soup in the cafeteria…
Braxton
Can you pretend to be my girlfriend for an hour?
My spoon halts on its way to my mouth.
Did Braxton Waters say what I think he just said?!
I look up to meet his gaze.
He has the nerve to look annoyed.
Braxton
Look, I’ll pay you $500.
Braxton
I just need you to come to dinner with me and my parents.
My face scrunches up in confusion.
There has to be some mistake here.
There’s no way he can be talking to me.
I look behind me and then to each side.
There isn’t anyone else in sight.
Braxton
And they’ll be outside in 10 minutes so I need an answer now.
He may be one of the most sought-after guys on campus…
But that doesn’t give him the right to be rude.
Unfortunately, I know his type all too well.
Rich, privileged, handsome…
I’m not surprised at his behavior.
And I’m certainly not interested.
Brooke
Uh, I’m going to have to say no.
Brooke
But thanks anyway.
He sighs and runs a hand over his face.
Braxton
What if I make it $1,000?
Brooke
I don’t care about your money.
Brooke
I have my last final tomorrow and—
Braxton
I just found out half an hour ago that my parents came up from Connecticut because they think I have a girlfriend and want to meet her.
I pick up my soup spoon and resume eating.
I’m not going to let this weird conversation sully my dinner.
Brooke
And why do they think you have a girlfriend?
I’m surprised to see his expression turn sheepish.
Braxton
They kept trying to set me up and I couldn’t take it anymore.
Braxton
So I took myself off the market.
Braxton
I had no idea they’d come out here and call my bluff.
Brooke
I see your predicament…
Brooke
But my answer is still no.
His eyes drop to the books in front of me.
He turns one around so he can read it.
Braxton
What are you reading about…insects?
Brooke
I’m studying to be an Entomologist.
Brooke
So yes, I’m reading about insects.
He looks perplexed and a little disgusted.
His question doesn’t offend me.
It’s nothing I haven’t been asked before.
Brooke
Well, I used to be terrified of bugs.
Brooke
And where I’m from, they’re everywhere.
Brooke
I used to hide in the house, wishing I could be outside.
Brooke
But then one day, I got sick of hiding.
Brooke
That’s no way to live, you know?
Brooke
So I embraced the bugs instead.
Brooke
Forced myself to face my fear.
Brooke
And now my fear is gone.
It looks like he wants to say something…
But then thinks better of it.
Braxton
Fine, then forget the cash.
Braxton
If you do this for me…
Braxton
I’ll introduce you to Cricket Collins.
My soup spoon halts on its way to my mouth for the second time that night.
Brooke
YOU KNOW CRICKET COLLINS!?
He’s like…the leading expert on insects in the entire country!
Braxton’s smile turns smug.
Braxton
As you probably already know, my dad’s a senator.
Braxton
I can introduce you to anyone you’d like.
I’d do anything to meet Cricket!
Braxton’s eyes are bright as he takes in my expression.
I’m already regretting this.
Brooke
What do you need me to do exactly?
Braxton
Just pretend to be my girlfriend at dinner.
Braxton
My parents won’t stick around any longer than an hour or so.
Braxton
And we need to act, you know, in love.
I nearly snort into my soup.
As if the entitled Braxton Waters and I would ever be in love.
Brooke
I don’t know how we’re going to pull that off.
Brooke
We barely know each other.
Brooke
And I mean…is this…
I motion back and forth between us.
His good looks and status attracts every female within a 50 mile radius.
I’m just Brooke Jackson, bug lover.
Braxton crosses his arms over his chest.
Braxton
Well, tell me a few things about yourself…
Braxton
But make it fast.
I roll my eyes, but give his question some real thought.
If he’s going to introduce me to Cricket…
Brooke
Hmm, a few things about me.
Brooke
Well, I love doing things outside.
Brooke
Hiking, boating, swimming…
Brooke
I’m big on documentaries and watching stand-up comedians.
Brooke
I want to live someplace warm, but I love to ski.
Brooke
I’m super healthy Monday through Friday but splurge on the weekends.
Brooke
Especially with Italian food and salty snacks.
Unsure why Braxton is looking at me so strangely.
But he quickly snaps himself out of it and comes around to my side of the table.
Before I can protest, he grabs my hand and drags me out of my chair.
Brooke
I still don’t know anything about you!
Braxton
Same as what you said.
Brooke
Which part is the same??
Braxton
They don’t like to be kept waiting.
I go silent, pretty shocked that I would have anything in common with someone like Braxton, let alone multiple things.
But it’s then that I notice his clothes.
He has on designer jeans and a crisp, button down shirt.
I have on a university sweatshirt with a soup stain and leggings.
Brooke
Wait, where are we going for dinner?
Brooke
I’m hardly dressed to—
The words catch in my throat when I see the stretch limo out front.
Brooke
That’s your parents’ car?!
I’ve never been in a limo in my life!
My parents are station wagon people.
Braxton
But at least they brought the small one.
I hold back a sarcastic comment.
Clearly Braxton and I have been brought up very differently.
How we’re going to pull off this ridiculous ruse is beyond me.
But that’s his problem, not mine.
Braxton helps me into the limo and I force a smile.
I may not have had a fancy childhood…
But I was still raised with manners.
I wave to the man and woman already sitting inside.
Brooke
It’s nice to meet you both.
I settle into the seat and wait for a response.
I keep the smile on my face as I look his parents over.
They remind me of stick bugs.
Tall and thin with no expressions.
Braxton
These are my parents, Janice and Jeb Waters.
Braxton
This is my girlfriend, umm…
I never told him my name!
How could we be so stupid?!
Braxton turns to me with alarm in his eyes.
Brooke
I’m really looking forward to dinner tonight.
I feel myself start to panic.
Braxton and I must be totally failing at this already.
Brooke
So uhh…my little mosquito here has told me so much about you.
What did I just call him?!
Braxton groans beside me.
His mother leans forward with a narrowed gaze.
Janice
Are you related to the Newport Jacksons by any chance?
Brooke
Nope…just the uhhh, southern swamps of Louisiana Jacksons.
Jeb
And did you just call my son a mosquito?
I was hoping no one would bring it up.
Brooke
You see, I’m studying to be an Entomologist.
Brooke
So I’ve always got bugs on the brain.
His parents share a glance.
It seems the Senator and his wife are not impressed with my career choice.
Braxton suddenly clears his throat.
Braxton
So this visit is…unexpected.
Braxton
I haven’t seen you two in almost a year.
I internally react to that news.
Connecticut is only a few hours away…
And he hasn’t seen his parents in a year?
I’ve seen my parents several times and we’re multiple states away.
Janice
Well as you know, the election is coming up.
Janice
We’ve had priorities.
Braxton and I both tense at the statement.
So their son isn’t a priority?
I barely even know Braxton, but I feel affronted on his behalf.
I decide then and there that I don’t like his parents.
And that feeling only grows as the ride continues.
His mother grills Braxton about his studies…
But doesn’t let him get a word in edgewise.
His father criticizes almost everything he says.
And doesn’t let Braxton defend himself.
Not to mention they completely ignore me.
Could they be any more obvious that they don’t approve?
When we finally pull up to the restaurant…
I’m more than ready to get the hell out.
I lunge for the door, but Janice’s loud gasp stops me cold.
Janice
Jeb, look! It’s closed!
Janice
What are we going to do?!
Janice
It was the only five star in the area.
I look out the window and sure enough…
All the lights in the restaurant are off.
I hope this means we can put a pin in this whole dinner thing.
I have a feeling not even Cricket Collins is worth a meal with these two.
And Braxton must be thinking the same thing…
Because his bright blue eyes light up at the news.
Braxton
I guess we can have dinner another time?
He definitely knows what his son is trying to do.
Jeb
We’ll go somewhere else.
He turns to me and runs a critical eye over my outfit.
His lip curls with disgust.
Jeb
Brooke, you clearly are a woman of style and grace.
Jeb
I’m sure you can suggest a suitable substitute?
I grind my molars together.
I feel Braxton’s glare on me, as if he knows I’m about to lose it.
So I take a deep breath, and hold in my retort.
But I’m done trying to be nice.
Brooke
Actually, I know just the place.
Brooke
It’s right down the road on Main Avenue.
Brooke
You guys are going to love it!
When we arrive at the restaurant a few minutes later…
I can barely keep from rubbing my hands together in anticipation.
This is going to be great…
Because this is a very special restaurant indeed.
Along with the yummy southern-style menu…
The staff is completely untraditional.
Instead of being polite to customers, they’re sassy, outrageous, and crude.
It’s all in good fun and my family loves it.
But something tells me it is not going to be the Waters’ cup of tea…
Which is exactly why I choose it.
Janice
I’ve never heard of this place before.
Janice
Have you been here, Braxton?
Braxton hasn’t been paying attention to where we’re going.
So when he gets a glimpse of our location…
He throws me a horrified glance.
He mouths like a fish for a few moments before responding to his mother.
Braxton
Umm, here and there.
We both watch his parents get out of the limo.
He’s frowning; I’m grinning.
Braxton
What are you thinking taking them here?!
Brooke
I’m thinking your parents need to lighten the hell up!
Brooke
You could have given me a little warning about them, you know.
Braxton
If I did that, then you wouldn’t have agreed to come!
I give him a look that tells him so.
Braxton
We can’t eat here, Brooke.
Braxton
This is a really bad idea.
I think it’s a great idea.
In my opinion, it’s just what this night needs.
And honestly, how bad could it be?
Brooke
Everyone likes this place.
Brooke
And besides, it’s too late now.
Brooke
Your parents are already walking inside.
Despite his misgivings, Braxton shuffles me into the restaurant behind his parents.
We’re immediately “greeted” by a waiter.
Waiter
Sorry, we don’t have any tables left.
Waiter
But you could eat out back with the rodents.
Waiter
You look like you’d fit right in.
Janice looks scandalized.
Janice
I beg your pardon?!
Waiter
Oh, never mind, a table just opened up.
Waiter
Right this way, please.
Jeb and Janice both take in their surroundings.
I see them realize pretty quickly what type of place I’ve taken them to…
And they both stiffen at the same time.
But their manners must be too ingrained to make a scene…
Because they don’t say anything until we get to the table.
Jeb
Is this your idea of a joke?!
He directs the question at both Braxton and me.
His statement is interrupted when the waiter comes back with four tall hats—
Each has a saying written on it.
I nearly spit out my water when the first one is placed on Janice’s head.
It reads: “Most popular in boy’s locker room.”
Braxton reads it, then hides behind his menu.
Jeb is next and his hat reads: “Even my hair avoids me.”
Braxton’s hat is placed on his head third and it reads: “I just farted.”
And mine says: “I stuff my bra.”
Jeb and Janice look outraged.
I can’t stop laughing at the looks on their faces.
Once again, I’m the only one laughing.
I’m probably never going to meet Cricket at this rate…
I don’t really deserve to after this.
Suddenly, Janice takes off her hat and throws it onto the floor beside her.
Janice
This is the welcome you give your parents, Braxton?!
Janice
You choose the shabbiest girlfriend possible just to embarrass us—
Janice
And then you let her bring us to this raunchy cesspool?!
My mouth drops open, but Braxton doesn’t even flinch.
Braxton
A lot of the kids and professors from school come here.
Braxton
It’s highly rated—
Janice
You’re surrounding yourself with trash!
Janice
Just like you always have!
Janice
And after everything we’ve done for you?!
Janice
This is how you repay us?!
Janice sucks in a dramatic breath.
Janice
I need to use the washroom.
She gets up and stalks away from the table.
Braxton’s dad throws down his napkin and gets up to follow her…
But not before he offers one more scathing comment.
Jeb
Look at what you’ve done to your mother, Braxton.
Jeb
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Jeb
I know I’m ashamed of you.
And my chest swells with guilt.
Brooke
I had no idea this would be such a big deal.
Brooke
I thought at best it would loosen them up…
Brooke
And at worst, give them a taste of their own medicine.
Braxton
It’s not your fault, Brooke.
Braxton
I don’t blame you.
Braxton puts his head in his hands.
Whenever I see him around campus…
He always seems so happy and put-together.
And I’ve just learned in the limo that not only is he captain of the golf team…
But he’s president of the debate club, too.
Plus, it sounds as if he’s gotten nearly perfect grades.
And now that we’ve spent some time up close and personal…
He is really, really easy on the eyes.
He takes care of himself…
Takes pride in his appearance.
How can he be a disappointment?
Braxton
This was a stupid idea.
Braxton
Nothing I do will ever be good enough for them.
Braxton
I don’t know why I even try.
I can’t help it — I put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Brooke
Obviously I don’t know your parents that well…
Brooke
But they seem as if they are very hard to please.
Braxton turns, and when his blue eyes meet mine…
It must be because of the stark emotion swirling in his gaze.
And I know then, there’s more to him than meets the eye.
Braxton
All of the choices I’ve made have been for them.
Braxton
Ever since I was a kid.
Braxton
I wanted to play outside…
Braxton
They didn’t want me to get muddy.
Braxton
I wanted to work with animals…
Braxton
They forced me to become a lawyer.
Braxton
I wanted to play football, they made me take up golf.
Braxton
I’m tired of this.
Braxton
I’m tired of them.
I grab his hand, overwhelmed at his unexpected outburst.
Brooke
You need to stand up to them.
Brooke
This is your life, Braxton.
Brooke
You’re never going to be happy if you let them walk all over you.
Brooke
If you want to work with animals, work with animals!
Brooke
If you want to play in the mud, play in the mud!
My mind whirls as Braxton takes in my words.
He bites his full bottom lip, and my stomach flutters again.
Man, this day has taken a turn.
If someone told me that I would be consoling the infamous Braxton Waters over dinner…
I would have laughed myself silly.
Feeling like his biggest fan and champion.
I look up and see Jeb and Janice on their way back to the table…
So I whisper one last thing.
A question about something his mom said.
For some reason, it’s been bothering me,
Brooke
Is that why you chose me in the cafeteria?
Brooke
Because I look shabby?
Brooke
And you wanted to embarrass your parents?
Braxton is instantly shocked…
As if he doesn’t understand why I’d ask that.
Braxton
I chose you because you were the most beautiful girl in the room.
Now it’s my turn to look shocked.
For a moment, he and I just stare at each other.
I feel something shift in the air between us.
Or maybe it’s just my stomach taking flight again.
But then his parents sit back down.
Janice
We decided we’re not going to be eating at this establishment…
Janice
So let’s cut to the chase and get to the real reason why we came here.
So much for being interested in their son’s love life.
I squeeze Braxton’s hand in support.
Wait, were we still holding hands?
Jeb
I talked to Lawrence this morning.
Jeb
After you’re done with finals, you’re to head straight down to D.C.
Jeb
You’re going to spend the summer interning at his law firm.
Jeb
And he is graciously allowing you to stay in his guest house.
I know right away this is news that Braxton does not want to hear.
Braxton
I have plans to help out at my friend’s farm this summer.
Braxton
His dad died earlier this year and…
Braxton
I can’t just leave him hanging!
Janice hisses and waves a dismissive hand.
Janice
Don’t be ridiculous.
Janice
You’re not going to spend your summer as a dirty laborer.
Janice
You’re going to spend it in D.C. with Lawrence and that’s final.
Jeb
It will do you good to spend time around your peers.
Jeb eyes me with disdain again.
Jeb
Clearly this year, you’ve fallen very far off track.
I don’t even bother responding to that comment.
My eyes pleading with him to defend himself.
This could be his moment!
He could finally stand up to them!
Gah, why do I care so much?!
I have no idea, but I do.
I watch Braxton closely as several emotions flit across his face.
First there’s determination.
But then finally…resignation.
Braxton
Just let me know when I have to leave.
There are a few beats of silence and then…
I feel strangely disappointed.
Janice gives her son a triumphant smile that makes me sick.
And I probably could have been able to stomach my way through the rest of the night…
But his dad makes one more comment.
Jeb
For once in your life, son…
And plant my hands on my hips.
Brooke
You two are something else.
Brooke
I’ve only known you for half an hour, but I can already tell two things.
Brooke
That you’re awful parents.
Brooke
And that you’re terrible, shameful human beings.
Brooke
I may be from the swamps of Louisiana…
Brooke
I may play with bugs…
Brooke
And I may wear sweatshirts with soup stains…
Brooke
But I’ve got more class in my little finger than both of you combined!
Brooke
In fact, my pet cockroaches have more class than you!
People are staring, but I don’t care.
I said what I needed to say.
Brooke
Do you want to come with me?
I see in his eyes that he does…
But he doesn’t get up from his chair.
Nothing else I can do for him.
I march outside, call an Uber, and fume all the way home.
Instead of studying, I order a huge pasta plate and veg out in front of the TV.
But when I wake up, I don’t feel any better.
Why is Braxton Waters — of all people! — still on my brain??
Is it because he isn’t who I thought he was?
Is it because against all odds, we have things in common?
Is it because he called me beautiful?
Is it how his hand felt in mine?
Is it how I cheered for him…only to be let down?
But for the millionth time, I remind myself there’s nothing I can do.
I try to push him out of my brain as I walk back to my dorm after my final.
Then a crash of thunder nearly scares me half to death.
On top of everything else, now I’m going to get rained on.
Someone is throwing mud at me!
I look down at the brown sludge on the front of my jacket.
Then up into the eyes of Braxton Waters.
Brooke
Did you just throw mud at me?!
His grin is wider than I’ve ever seen it.
He bends down, picks up more mud, and slings it in my direction.
This time, I have the good sense to move out of the way.
Brooke
What the hell are you doing?!
Braxton
Someone told me if I wanted to play in the mud…
Braxton
I should play in the mud.
His smile gets even brighter…
And I can’t help but smile back.
I’ll show him playing in the mud!
I bend down and grab a handful.
But instead of throwing it at him…
I run over and smash it into his shoulder.
This time, we both laugh.
He lunges for me, and I run…
And it goes that way for about five minutes.
We play in the mud, both laughing until our lungs hurt.
I finally hold up a hand to stop him.
Brooke
Okay…who are you and what have you done with Braxton Waters?
He reaches out to grab my hand.
The fluttering in my stomach increases tenfold.
Braxton
You told me about something you used to be afraid of yesterday.
Braxton
Then you told me about how you were tired of living with that fear…
Braxton
So you embraced it, instead of running from it.
Braxton
Thank you for that, Brooke.
Braxton
Because you taught me something.
Braxton
After you left, I told my parents I wouldn’t be spending the summer in D.C.
Braxton
I told them that I was done with golf…
Braxton
And that I was going to switch my major.
Brooke
How did they take it?!
Braxton
They’re not speaking to me right now…
Braxton
But I don’t care.
Braxton
I feel better than I have in years.
I can’t help it, I throw my arms around his neck.
Brooke
I’m so proud of you!
He immediately puts his arms around me too, and we sway on the spot.
We both pull back at the same time…
And I see his eyes flit toward my lips.
Forget flutters, now my stomach is filled with fire ants!
We both step away from each other at the same time.
Braxton
So uhh…we'd better get going.
He gestures to our clothes.
Braxton
We can’t go out like this.
Brooke
Where are we going?
Braxton
Well, I feel like I owe you a dinner.
Braxton
So I thought we could go back to that restaurant—
Brooke
It’s okay, Braxton.
Brooke
You don’t owe me anything.
Braxton
You can’t decline.
Braxton
We’d be so disappointed.
Braxton
Me and Cricket Collins.
Braxton
He’s meeting us at there at 7:00.
Brooke
Wait, are you serious?!
I squeal, then throw myself into his arms again.
And this time, when he looks down at my lips…
