Rebecca
Where r u?!??! I've been here for 10 min already. Hurry up!
Leslie
I'm on the train. Like 5 min away.
Rebecca
R u actually on the train, or 5 min away from the train station, or 5 min away from leaving your apartment?
Leslie
You know me so well. This is why we are best friends.
Rebecca
You're always late. I should call you "white rabbit".
Rebecca
You know from Alice in Wonderland? "I'm late! I'm late!"
Leslie
Never seen it/read it.
Rebecca
Seriously, hurry up. You know how I feel about hanging with Jim & Judy.
Leslie
JJ, America's favorite couple.
Leslie
How are they today?
Rebecca
Just as dry and boring as ever. But today they seem especially weird.
Rebecca
I have a bad feeling about this. I'm alone with 2 certifiable crazies.
Rebecca
Remind again me why we agreed to come?
Leslie
Because Jim is an amateur chef.
Rebecca
Ah! That's right.
Rebecca
But they aren't even letting me have appetizers until someone else gets here. I'm so hungry. I'm hangry.
Rebecca
And you know how I get when I'm hangry. So huurrrrryyyyyy.
Leslie
Ugh! Just missed the train by a fraction of a second.
Rebecca
I KNEW you were lying about being 5 min away!
Leslie
And the next one is delayed.
Rebecca
Why don't you just take a cab?!
Leslie
Nope. Not happening.
Rebecca
It's so awkward Leslie. I am wedged between them while they glare at each other in passive aggressive silence.
Rebecca
Meanwhile a bowl of guacamole is staring back at me, taunting me while the bit-sized quiche I brought grows cold.
Leslie
And I am 5 minutes away from joining you.
Rebecca
I'm weeping inside.
Leslie
Stay strong Rebecca.
Leslie
How are you texting me if they are on either side of you?
Rebecca
I'm sitting with my hands behind my back and wedged into the sofa cushion.
Leslie
So you're typing without looking at your phone?
Leslie
What?! Did the roasted duck burn? Am I heading there for nothing?
Leslie
Should I bring McDonalds?
Rebecca
I don't need McDonald's. I need an escape strategy.
Rebecca
The passive aggressive silence quickly escalated into a full on yelling match.
Rebecca
First it was about how the food isn't ready and how Jim should have chose something other than the roast duck, because he should have know how long it would take.
Rebecca
Then it became something about how Judy's parents came for the weekend but stayed for 3 weeks.
Leslie
Yikes! I've met Judy's parents. They're awful.
Leslie
And where r u during all of this?
Rebecca
I'm hiding in the bathroom. I made a break for it as soon as the in-laws entered the conversation.
Rebecca
How close are you??!!
Leslie
I'm three train stops away. Hang in there.
Rebecca
I'm going to die in this bathroom, I know it.
Leslie
Deep breaths. You got this.
Leslie
What's happening now?
Rebecca
I can't really tell. Their voices a muffled.
Leslie
Open the door! I want the play by play.
Rebecca
This room is so small. I feel like I can't breathe.
Rebecca
Judy just said "F you. I never wanted to move here in the first place."
Rebecca
Jim said screw you, he's the only one working and bills don't pay themselves.
Rebecca
Leslie phone home!!!
Leslie
Sorry I lost reception. What happened?
Leslie
Tell me what happened!
Rebecca
Judy just took the duck out of the oven and chucked it out the window.
Leslie
R u serious right now!
Leslie
Why should I even bother coming?
Rebecca
Because I'm trapped here!
Leslie
Now what's happening?
Rebecca
I don't know I closed the door.
Rebecca
Because Judy is bat sh%$t crazy and I don't want to be caught listening.
Rebecca
Judy accused Jim of having an affair.
Leslie
I don't even have the words right now.
Rebecca
I think so but I can't make it out.
Leslie
Open the door again!
Rebecca
Noooooo!!!! Are you crazy?!?
Leslie
Well get on the ground and listen from the bottom of the door.
Leslie
Don't act like you don't want to know.
Rebecca
She just said my name.
Leslie
Nooooooooooo waaaaayyyy.
Rebecca
That bastard is silent.
Leslie
Lock the door NOW!
Rebecca
OMG she is coming!
Rebecca
She is beating at the door. Calling me a sour little tart and home wrecker.
Leslie
I can't even right now.
Leslie
It's like a reality show train wreck.
Leslie
Should I call the police?
Leslie
I'm walking there now. Just two blocks way.
Rebecca
The power just went out.
Rebecca
Power outage. It's pitch black.
Rebecca
And my cell phone battery is dying. What should I do?!
Leslie
Where are Jim and Judy?
Rebecca
I heard a crash, like something was knocked over.
Rebecca
I hear her coming closer.
Rebecca
She's banging on the door. I'm afraid she's going to break it down!
Rebecca
Please call the police Leslie!
Leslie
I'm almost there, just hold on!
Leslie
Now when I get there I'm going to ring the doorbell a million times.
Leslie
I want you to swing the door open as hard and as fast as you can and SPRINT to the door.
Rebecca
Leslie I'm claustrophobic and I'm starting to have a panic attack!
Rebecca
She won't stop pounding at the door!
Leslie
Just take a deep breath. Get ready okay.
Leslie
Is the flashlight on your phone on?
Rebecca
I'm scared. She's almost got the door open.
Leslie
Don't be scared. On the count of three open the door and charge out okay.
