John
Okay I have Brian in my sights! He’s coming down the escalator…
Hanna
Ugh im so nervous. Again John thank you so much for doing this.
John
No problem Hanna :-) I feel like a real detective lol
Hanna
Is he by himself???
John
Yeah he’s by himself.
John
He REALLY looks like an asshole
John
Sorry sorry. I know he’s still your boyfriend.
Hanna
No need to be sorry. If it turns out he is cheating on me then he IS an asshole
John
I’m watching from a table at the food court. Did you know they have a Chipotle here now?
John
OK he just got off the escalator and it looks like he’s walking in this direction now.
Hanna
Ugh. I feel like SUCH a crazy person for having you spy on him
Hanna
But he’s been SO WEIRD lately
Hanna
Like he just disappears randomly and doesn’t answer my texts. Then when he gets back and I ask where he went, he says “ I just wanted to get out for a few hours.”
Hanna
What does that even mean?? We live together. It’s weird if you just walk out the door and don’t say anything
Hanna
Right??? Or do you think I’m being paranoid??
John
I’d prob be suspicious too.
Hanna
Today we were on the couch watching tv and his phone starts ringing. He doesn’t answer it in front of me. Instead he jumps up and is like “Gotta go to the mall. Bye” and he just left.
John
I really don’t think you’re being paranoid. That’s bizarre behavior.
Hanna
It is literally driving me nuts. Which is why I called you.
John
…your best college friend/ freelance private eye
Hanna
Exactly. Ok don’t get distracted. What can you see now?
John
He’s in line at the McDonalds. He keeps turning around and scanning the food court like he’s looking for someone…
John
No, and I don’t think he’d recognize me anyway. We only met that once and I seriously doubt he remembers.
John
You were both v drunk.
Hanna
oh yeah….lol…that was a fun night :-/
Hanna
Ugh! This could be nothing right??? Like he could just be going to the mall to buy clothes or something?
John
But…. it looks like he just got 2 sodas from McDonald’s…
John
maybe hes just really thirsty
John
He just picked up his phone…
John
He’s waving to someone now.
Hanna
Whos he waving at??? Can you see??
John
They hugged and he gave her one of the sodas and now theyre walking
Hanna
hugged like how? Follow them! Please DON’T BE OBVIOUS
John
It was like just a quick hug. Could have been his sister or something I guess? Does he have a sister?
Hanna
No he doesnt. Do they look flirty?
John
Well they’re not like touching or anything.
John
Im trying to follow them. Hard to keep up. They have that picture with Santa booth set up and theres like a million kids and parents.
Hanna
Push them out of the way if you have to!
John
Wow the line for Santa goes all the way from the food court to the Baby Gap
John
Ok…they just went into the jewelry store
Hanna
??? the JEWELRY STORE? are you serious? Do you know how tight on money we are right now? Do you know hes been out of work since October and its now the middle of December???
Hanna
We’ve had to cut back on LITERALLY everything and hes bringing this girl to a jewelry store?!?!
John
maybe she’s helping him pick out something for you…? Ha
John
I mean, it IS like a week before xmas…?
Hanna
I know youre trying to make me feel better but its making me feel worse
John
Stepping inside the jewelry store now…
John
wow everything here is EXPEN$$$$IVE. Guess how much a “Pear-Shaped Lab-Created Blue and White Sapphire Accent Frame Necklace” costs.
Hanna
What are they doing? Is she like trying stuff on???
John
They’re talking to a salesman. And then he went in the back to get something for them now.
Hanna
OMG don’t tell me he already bought something for her and theyre picking it up. I will literally puke then drive there myself.
John
The answer was $450 btw :-O
Hanna
UGH can I vent for a second? TO THINK for the past 2 months I’ve done NOTHING but help Brian get over losing his job. He’s been depressed and embarrassed and I’ve been so supportive throughout this whole thing
Hanna
And he’s been SO worried about money.
Hanna
And how does he repay me? By cheating on me a week before Christmas AND buying that chick jewelry!!!!!
John
Yeah wow that sucks. Im sorry. : (
John
But I don’t think that’s rare you know, people lose a job, they go through a crisis etc…
John
OK the salesman came back and handed them some sort of silver thing (I cant really make it out) And they just left. I’ll keep following.
Hanna
Good. I wanna catch them in the act.
John
Walking thru a department store now
John
Ok. They just went into the offices.
Hanna
The offices? What offices??
John
. I was following them thru the department store and they turned into a hallway with offices. They went into a door that said Employees Only.
Hanna
EW OMG CAN THEY NOT WAIT UNTIL THEYRE AT A MOTEL OR SOMETHING
John
I’m not an employee…
John
I don’t want to get in trouble! I’ll put my ear to the door and see if I can hear anything
John
It sorta sounds like ….bells…?
Hanna
John! Cmon! Go in! They’re not employees and they went in!
Hanna
My god Brian would die before he worked retail. He had an internship at like the fourth ranked bank one summer and wouldn’t tell me where he worked for three whole weeks……
John
Are you serious? Lol. That’s kinda messed up
Hanna
Yes. Now cmon. I’ll buy you dinner for a week or something. Open the door!
John
Can you just give me the dinner money instead of buying me dinner…
John
OK honestly Hanna this whole thing is starting to feel kinda too shady now. This is like a dark empty hallway with offices. Might have to call it quits.
John
Like what could they possibly be doing in there….
Hanna
That’s what you need to find out. Open the door. Please John.
John
Oh shit the handles jiggling… theyre about to come out… I think
Hanna
DO YOU SEE THEM????
Hanna
….what? ugh I feel sick….WHAT??/
John
ahahahahahahahahahahah
John
Well I don’t think they’re cheating together but….
John
Theyre elves together.
Hanna
????????????? WHAT does that mean?
John
you know elves: floppy hats, little green vests, pointy shoes. Good manual laborers despite their small proportions.
John
They’re Santa’s elves. Which im sure pays less than the 4th most prestigious bank but probably more than no job at all
John
hold on theyre ringing their silver bells now….
Hanna
I’m going through a mix of emotions right now that I don’t know how to communicate via text
John
Should I get in line for a picture?
John
Nevermind line’s way too long. And thatd be weird maybe. Im too old.
Hanna
I’m kind of in shock. But like… good shock. I guess?
John
Mhm. So whats the takeaway here Hanna?
Hanna
I have literally no idea.
John
Don’t always assume the worst. Sometimes your boyfriends not cheating on you, he’s just an elf.
John
I wish I could be there to hear the conversation when he gets home.
John
Also youre welcome for my services…I’ll take my week of free week of dinners asap please.
