Staring in shock at my phone.
Because there’s a dude taking off his shirt on my screen.
Anna
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Man
I’m your birthday surprise, Anna.
He runs a hand down his stomach…
And swivels his hips in a wide circle.
Anna
My birthday surprise?!
Anna
What are you talking about?!
And I get a full view of his pert, jean-clad a**.
Man
Your friend Marina hired me.
Man
She said you could use a little cheering up.
My whole body goes rigid.
Anna
I am going to KILL her.
And flashes me a devastating smile.
Man
Or you could just sit back and enjoy the show.
Man
She paid me for the hour.
He goes to the button on his pants…
Man
Want me to go slower—
Anna
No! Please — keep your clothes on!
Then peers at the screen.
Man
Wait, are you serious?
Anna
I’m truly sorry that my friend wasted your time…
Anna
But I’m not interested.
After a moment, he sits down on the chair behind him.
Man
Okay, well this is a first.
I let out a sigh of relief…
Anna
What the heck is that?!
Dave
Instead of stripping at a club or venue…
Dave
I do FaceTime dances.
I look at him like he’s crazy.
He frowns, and fidgets a bit.
Dave
Just trying to pay my way through med school.
Anna
I’m just surprised, that’s all.
He nods, then runs a hand through his hair.
I pace my room, a few things clicking into place.
Anna
I should have known she was up to something.
Anna
She sent me a text making sure I picked up this call.
Anna
God, I can’t believe she’d do something like this.
Dave
I’m sure her intentions were good.
Dave
Happy birthday, by the way.
He smiles handsomely again…
And I can’t help but give him a small one in return.
Anna
This is just her misguided attempt to make me feel better.
Anna
It’s nice of you to ask…
Anna
But she didn’t hire you to listen to my boy drama.
Dave
I’m paid for the hour — and it’s non-refundable.
Dave
Don’t want to waste your friend’s money.
I bite my lip, contemplating.
Can I really tell a stranger — an E-stripper?! — about my problems?
Dave
Come on, what’s his name?
I sigh, then sink down on my mattress.
Anna
And he broke up with me yesterday.
Dave
Right before your birthday?
I feel tears form in my eyes.
Anna
There’s this new girl at his job.
Anna
He told me he wants to ask her out.
Anna
I was completely blindsided.
Anna
We’ve been dating for a year…
Anna
And I thought things were going great.
Dave rears back, his face contorting with disgust.
Dave
Wow — so he’s a level ten.
I sniffle, then blink away the tears.
Dave
Yeah, a level ten a**hole.
Dave
A title reserved for the worst of the worst.
I manage to chuckle a little.
We lock eyes, and he leans forward.
Dave
People who really love you shouldn’t hurt you.
Dave
And any guy who would let a beautiful and fun girl like you get away…
Dave
Well, there must be something wrong with him.
And I reach up and run a hand through my unwashed hair.
Anna
You don’t even know me.
Anna
How do you know I’m fun?
Showing off his bulging muscles.
Dave
Well, you’re wearing a concert t-shirt—
Dave
One of my favorite bands to see live, in fact.
Dave
So I know you listen to awesome music…
Dave
And like to have a good time.
Dave
And behind you I see a bunch of framed photos.
He leans closer to the phone.
Dave
Looks like a mountain view, a sunset over an ocean…
Dave
So like me, you either like to travel…
Dave
Or appreciate good art.
He nods, smiling so hard his dimples are showing.
Dave
Lastly, there’s a pizza box on your bed.
Dave
Any girl who eats pizza in bed is a serious catch.
Feeling lighter than I have all day.
I look at him more closely.
And he’s studying to be a doctor?
I suddenly want to know more about him.
Anna
So how does one get into…E-stripping?
Dave
Honestly, I love to dance.
Dave
And I don’t think I’m brave enough to do live stripping…
Dave
So this seemed like a good alternative.
Dave
Harvard Medical School doesn’t come cheap.
Anna
I go to Harvard, too!
Anna
Yeah! Just started in the fall.
Dave leans back, shaking his head.
Dave
I don’t believe you.
My face scrunches with confusion.
Dave
I don’t believe you because…
Dave
There’s no way I wouldn’t have noticed a gorgeous girl like you on campus.
And I laugh through yet another smile.
Anna
You’re a charmer, Dave, you know that?
Dave
So, what are you studying?
Anna
Medical law, believe it or not.
Dave
Another thing we have in common.
He settles into his chair.
I lean back on my pillows.
Anna
I like you too, Dave.
Anna
You have officially cheered me up.
Dave
That’s what I’m here for.
Dave
So…by any chance are you going to the fundraiser on campus tonight—
When I see who’s calling…
Anna
Oh my god, he’s calling me.
Dave
What do you want to do?
Anna
I want him to tell me he’s sorry…
Anna
That he made a terrible mistake.
Dave
You know my opinion on the matter.
Dave
But I’m probably not the best person to give advice.
Dave
I’ve been single for years.
Anna
Thanks for talking to me today, Dave.
Anna
It was a lot of fun.
He grabs a shirt from the floor and puts it on.
I reach up and click over to the other line.
Andrew’s familiar face fills the screen.
Andrew
Thanks for picking up.
Andrew
I didn’t think you would.
Anna
What do you want, Andrew?
Andrew
And to tell you that I made a huge mistake.
He gazes at me, and I see the regret in his eyes.
Anna
Let me guess, you asked her out…
Anna
She turned you down…
Anna
And now you think you can crawl back?
Andrew
I didn’t even ask her.
Andrew
I don’t know what came over me…
Andrew
But it’s not her I want.
He’s telling me exactly what I want to hear.
A part of me relishes in that comfort.
Anna
I thought we were happy.
Andrew
I just had a moment of insanity.
I can feel myself giving in.
Wanting to go back to what I know.
But something Dave said pops into my head.
Anna
Someone once told me that the people who love you shouldn’t hurt you.
Anna
This is over, Andrew.
Andrew
Who told you that?
Anna
An E-stripper named Dave.
I reach out and hang up the call.
I can’t believe I just did that!
And I can’t believe I’m going to do this.
And press on Dave’s number.
He answers on the first ring.
Anna
And apparently, he never even asked the girl out.
Dave
Well that’s good I guess—
Anna
— But you were right.
Anna
People who love you shouldn’t hurt you.
Anna
So I ended it. Officially.
Anna
If he can write me off that easily…
Anna
He can’t possibly love me.
Anna
Not the way I want to be loved.
Dave
I’m proud of you, Anna.
Dave
I think that was the right choice.
I give him my best smile…
Then lean toward the phone.
Anna
Now what were you saying about the fundraiser tonight?
