Martha
I’m sorry, there must be something wrong with my hearing.
Martha
Did you just say you’re going to call all of your exes?
Martha
To ask them why they broke up with you?
Martha
ON VALENTINE’S DAY?!
Shirley
You make it sound like it’s a crazy idea.
Martha
It IS a crazy idea!
Martha
Why would you ever want to do that?!
Shirley
Because I’ve been broken up with three times now.
Shirley
And each time, I’ve been completely blindsided.
Shirley
I just want to know the truth.
Shirley
I want to know WHY.
Martha
Let me save you the trouble…
Martha
They were morons! That’s why!
Shirley
Eh, you just have to say that because you’re my best friend.
Martha
No. I’m saying that because you’re amazing.
Martha
And yeah, you’ve had some bad luck with love.
Martha
You have all the time in the world to find THE ONE.
Shirley
At this rate, I’m going to chase off “THE ONE” and not even realize it.
Martha
Please let me take you out for Valentine’s Day instead.
Martha
We can go to that sushi place you like.
Shirley
I’ve given this a lot of thought, Martha.
Shirley
And this is something I need to do.
Martha
It’s your decision.
Martha
But for the record, I don’t have a good feeling about this.
Shirley
And your concern is appreciated.
Shirley
But right now, I’d rather you give me your well-wishes.
Martha
Who are you calling today?
Martha
Yeah, you’ve definitely got my well-wishes.
Martha
Because you’re going to need all the luck you can get.
Martha blows me a kiss and we say goodbye.
After we hang up, I fluff my hair as the FaceTime rings.
And it sucks, because Dan is the guy I’m least worried about calling.
And we didn’t necessarily end on bad terms.
Dan
What’s up, Shirley girly?
He’s using old nicknames.
And has a big lopsided grin on his handsome face.
He sounds genuinely happy to talk to me.
This is going to be okay…
Dan
Last semester of school and then I’m free!
I give him a genuine smile.
Shirley
I’m really proud of you.
Dan
I mean, ME!? Graduate?!
Dan
Who ever would have thought it, huh?
Dan
Well, I guess you did…
Dan
Even though I changed my major four times when we were together.
Dan
Remember how everyone else said I was just a goofball?
Dan
You always knew I was more than that.
Dan recognizes me as a positive influence in his life.
Dan
Anyway, I still have stuff to look forward to after graduation…
Dan
I’ll be headed on that summer fishing trip!
Shirley
The…fishing trip.
Shirley
The one with your brothers.
Shirley
Are you…still going for an entire year?
Dan’s expression is so nonchalant.
But I’m squirming in my seat at the words ‘fishing trip.’
It was supposedly the reason why he broke up with me.
‘What’s the point of us dating now when I’m just going to be leaving next year?’
I always had a feeling there was more to it.
That’s when I hear laughter in the background…
And I decide to get to the point.
Shirley
Look Dan, the reason I’m calling…
Shirley
Is because I want to talk about why we broke up.
His grin falters and he looks away from the phone.
Shirley
I know that’s probably the last thing you want to hear…
Shirley
But I realized I need some closure on the whole thing.
He pulls anxiously on his tie.
Shirley
Wait, are you wearing a tie?
Why’s he dressed so nicely?
I’ve only known him to wear jeans and t-shirts.
Dan
I…look, I don’t know what you want me to say about our breakup.
Shirley
I thought we had a good thing going.
Shirley
We laughed together.
Shirley
We had the same taste in movies.
Shirley
And we supported each other.
Shirley
But the next thing I know…
Shirley
You’re saying it’s not going to work out because of the fishing trip.
And doesn’t meet my eyes.
Dan
Yeah, well, that’s true.
Dan
I am going on the fishing trip.
Dan
It wouldn’t have made sense to—
Suddenly, a voice in the background calls his name.
Woman
Are you coming Danny baby?
Woman
We’re going to miss our reservation!
Dan cringes as he meets my eyes.
I work hard to keep my face blank.
Shirley
Is that a Valentine’s Day date?
Shirley
You met her on Tinder and used the whole “sorry my dog ran into your DMs” bit.
Dan
Give me some more credit, Shirley.
Dan
I wouldn’t use our thing.
Dan
And actually, Cher and I have been dating for three months.
Shirley
So it wasn’t the fishing trip then?
Shirley
There was another reason you dumped me?
Clearly the problem was me.
Dan must see the look on my face…
Because he sighs with pity.
Dan
Look Shirley, do you want to know the truth?
I’m not sure I do anymore…
Dan
You knew what you wanted out of life…
Dan
And it was too much pressure trying to keep up.
I instantly go on the defensive.
Shirley
So you broke up with me because I had my life together?
Dan
I’m trying to be honest here.
Dan
But I needed someone who was willing to go with the flow a bit more.
Dan
Someone a bit more relaxed. Loose.
Dan
A relationship that was a bit more…fun.
The last word echoes like the slam of a gavel.
But it’s what I asked for…
So I can hardly blame him.
Shirley
Well, I appreciate your honesty.
Shirley
I won’t keep you any longer.
Shirley
Have fun on your date.
Shirley
You look nice, by the way.
But I’m not going to take it out on him.
We hang up a few minutes later…
And I give myself a bit of time to gather my thoughts.
Dan was supposed to be the easy one.
I know that my next conversation won’t be.
I clear my throat as the call goes through to Mike.
He doesn’t pick up until the fourth ring.
I know he was debating picking up at all.
Mike has a very busy schedule, after all.
I take in his handsome face.
He’s also in a button-up…
But unlike Dan, this isn’t surprising.
And is rarely dressed down.
Shirley
I’m fine. I was just hoping you had a minute to talk.
I see him glance down at what I know is an expensive watch.
Mike
I have a few minutes.
I feel some old frustrations rise up…
Shirley
I’m hoping to get some closure on why you broke up with me.
Shirley
I know you said you were too busy for a girlfriend…
Shirley
But I feel like we were making it work.
I rush to explain myself.
Something about Mike always makes me feel insecure.
Shirley
I went to all your work functions.
Shirley
I got along with your friends.
Shirley
And when it was just us…
Shirley
I thought we had…fun.
Was that also the problem with my relationship with Mike?
Does he think I’m a stick-in-the-mud too?
Mike rubs a hand across his face…
Mike
Look, Shirley, I don’t really have time for this…
But then he looks at me and sighs.
Mike used to care about me.
And I can still see a small spark of it in his eyes.
Mike
But okay, the thing is…
Mike
You and I had different ideas of fun.
Mike
Remember your birthday?
Shirley
Yeah, we had fun on my birthday!
Shirley
We went to that burger place I’d been wanting to try.
Mike
You had fun on your birthday.
Mike
I hated being in that dive.
Mike
I went out of my way to get reservations at La Mer…
Mike
And you made me cancel them.
Mike
Because you wanted to go to some burger joint.
I couldn’t read a thing on that menu.
And seriously, who wants snails for their birthday?
Mike
And yes, you went to my work functions…
Mike
But you didn’t have anything in common with my coworkers.
Mike
I don’t mean this in a bad way…
Mike
But you stuck out like a sore thumb.
Mike
Especially when you insisted on wearing those colorful dresses and pins.
I can’t NOT take offense to that.
Shirley
So you broke up with me because of my wardrobe choices?
Mike
No. I broke up with you because I didn’t think we were a good match.
Mike
I work on Wall Street…
Mike
And you’re a First Grade teacher.
Mike
I’m more of a serious type…
I know what he wants to say.
Because he’s said it before, during one of our fights.
I spare him from having to say again.
Shirley
I know what you think, Mike. I’m too silly.
Shirley
Well, I appreciate your honesty.
I try my best to keep a mature, composed face.
And he just shrugs and looks away.
Mike
Is there anything else?
I hang up, instantly dreading this last call.
But I’m also unbearably confused.
Dan said I was strung up too tight.
And Mike said I wasn’t serious enough.
So maybe Asher will be the tie-breaker.
Even though he’s the one who hurt me the most.
To my shock, the phone picks up on the first ring.
And in an even bigger shock, it’s not Asher…
The tension in my chest eases at the sight of him.
Seeing his wide smile makes me happier than I’ve been all night.
Shirley
You’re stilling living with Asher?
Shirley
How have you been?!
Owen
Better, now that I’m seeing you.
Owen
And yeah, when I saw it was you calling…
Owen
I just had to pick up Asher’s phone.
Shirley
I’m glad you did.
Shirley
God, we used to have so much fun together!
Owen
Hey! Is that the pin I got you?
There’s a coffee cup pin sitting there proudly.
Shirley
‘Tears of my students.’
Owen
Oh, man. I still love that thing.
Hearing my flattened tone, Owen quickly changes the subject.
Owen
So how have you been, Shirley?
Shirley
And check out my new apartment.
I scan the phone around and hear him whistle through his teeth.
Owen
Colorful and fun, just like you.
After tonight, his words hit me like a shot to the chest.
Embarrassingly, I feel tears form in my eyes.
I blink them away before he notices.
But Owen never misses a beat…
And I see his gaze narrow with confusion.
I quickly shift the conversation onto the real reason for my call.
Shirley
Yes, fine. So, I know this is out of the blue…
Shirley
But I was hoping to talk to Asher.
Owen reaches up to scratch the back of his neck.
Owen
He’s uh…a bit busy right now.
His eyes glance quickly in the direction of Asher’s room…
And I get the feeling he isn’t playing video games.
The tears flood my eyes again.
This time, I can’t stop them.
Which is stupid, because I don’t even care if Asher is with someone else.
This whole “calling my exes” idea.
Why didn’t I listen to Martha?
Owen’s voice brings me back to the present.
Owen
Who cares about Asher?
Owen
You’re way too good for him.
Owen
You caught him in bed with another woman, remember?
Owen
And when you ran out of the room…
Owen
He didn’t even chase you.
Shirley
Did you know that he broke up with me through text after that?
Owen winces and rubs his jaw.
Owen
Honestly, that sounds like him.
Owen
Look, if you’re still hung up on Ash—
I shake my head furiously.
Shirley
I’m not still hung up on him, I swear.
I decide to tell him the truth.
Owen has always been so easy to talk to.
Shirley
Things haven’t really been working out for me in the relationship department.
Shirley
And I’m convinced that it must be me.
Shirley
So I’ve been calling my exes to find out what I’ve been doing wrong.
This time Owen shakes his head.
Owen
Sounds like a terrible way to spend Valentine’s Day.
Owen
What did they tell you?
I see his eyes lock in on the movement.
It reminds me that he used to do that a lot.
Shirley
One told me I was no fun.
Shirley
The other told me I didn’t take life seriously enough.
Shirley
I was hoping Asher would tell me which one of those is right.
Owen
You value Asher’s opinion?
Owen leans in closer to the phone.
Owen
You should have saved yourself the trouble and just called me.
Owen
I would have told you the truth.
Shirley
You sound like Martha.
Owen
That’s because Martha knows you.
Owen
So we’re the ones who know the truth.
Owen
I know what you’re thinking…
Owen
Because I know there is a real reason it didn’t work out with those guys.
Owen
Too fun…not fun enough…
Owen
That’s not really it.
Owen
Someday, you’re going to find someone who thinks you’re just right.
And even through the phone, I feel his sincerity.
Why can’t I find a guy like Owen?
Shirley
You really know how to cheer a girl up.
He smiles and leans back on the couch.
With the new angle of the phone…
I see the Japanese menu beside him.
Shirley
Hey, what’s that on the couch?
Shirley
Are you ordering sushi??
Owen
I’ve got a date tonight.
Owen
With a huge plate of spicy salmon rolls.
Shirley
That sounds amazing.
Shirley
You know what? I should do the same thing.
Even through the phone, his eyes are intense.
Owen
I was on my way out to pick it up.
Owen
Want me to grab you something while I’m there?
Owen
I can swing it by your place, no problem.
My heart starts beating faster.
The way he’s looking at me…
I’ve seen that look in his eyes before…
And I finally let myself acknowledge it for what it is.
A thought enters my head.
And I realize it’s been there for a while…pushing to get through…
Why would I need to find a guy like Owen…
When I’ve got Owen right here?
And it’s the easiest decision I’ve made in a long time.
Shirley
Yeah. That would be great.
Shirley
And…why don’t you stick around?
Shirley
I’ll set the table for two.
He smile grows so wide it nearly splits his handsome face in two.
Shirley
I’ll text you my address.
I hang up and do a giddy little dance.
And I think about Owen’s words.
Maybe for somebody, somewhere…
And maybe it’s happening now.
