Jordan
Ugh, I hate being in a lecture hall when I don’t have to.
Jessica
I know, but this is for extra credit. And you need it to graduate, baby.
Jordan
It’s messed up that I need to graduate just so I can work at my dad’s lumber yard.
Jordan
Mark Zuckerberg didn’t need to graduate college to start Facebook…
Jordan
But apparently, I need a diploma to cut wood.
Jessica
Look, I know you don’t want to work with your dad.
Jordan
Correction. He doesn’t want to work with me.
Jessica
He’s only hard on you because he loves you. You know that.
Jessica
We all love you. That’s why I’m being hard on you, too…
Jessica
It’s why I’m dragging you here for this extra credit assignment!
Jordan laughs and leans in for a kiss.
Just then, their friends Clay and Tamara join them.
Clay immediately props his feet on the desk.
He stretches his arms out and rests his hands behind the back of his head.
Clay
Get a room, lovebirds.
Tamara pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose.
Then she clasps her hands together nervously.
Tamara
Are we late? Did it start yet?
Clay
Nah. Professor Dumbface isn’t even here.
Tamara
It’s Professor Dunwallace! And he’s the most brilliant mathematician of this century.
Clay
You hot for the old guy, Tamara?
Clay
What’s the rule again? If the professor shows up 15 minutes late, we all get A’s?
Jessica looks back at Clay. She’s tucked neatly under Jordan’s arm.
Jessica
How would you know? You never even go to lecture.
Clay
I don’t have to. My father got Dumbledore an incredible bottle of scotch.
Tamara pushes back her glasses again.
Tamara
It’s Dunwallace! Why are you here, Clay?
Tamara
Didn’t you already get an A?
Jordan takes his arm off of Jessica’s shoulder to spin his whole body around.
He stares at Clay, a look of shock stark on his face.
Clay
Yup. Like I said, it was an INCREDIBLE bottle of scotch.
He takes his feet off the desk in front him.
Leaning forward, he wiggles his eyebrows.
Clay
I’m just here to see if Jess finally spills the beans.
Jordan
Spill the beans about what?
Jessica
It’s nothing, honey. Don’t worry about it.
She gives Jordan a quick kiss.
Smirking, Clay raises his eyebrows again.
Clay
Nothing?? I wouldn’t say it’s nothing.
Tamara
Guys, stop! Professor Dunwallace is here.
Clay
You mean Dingleberry.
Jordan turns to Jessica. He tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear.
Jordan
Jess, what’s he talking about? Spill the beans about what?
Jessica
Don’t worry about it, Jor.
She gives him a stern look.
Tamara clasps and unclasps her hands nervously.
Tamara
Shh! Professor Dunwallace is talking.
Dunwallace
Welcome! I see you’ve all formed your teams of 4. Good, good. Very good.
Clay leans over and whispers in Tamara’s ear.
Clay
Good, good. Very good.
Tamara
Clay, stop being so disrespectful!
Clay
I’m not! I love Professor Dimplebutt.
Dunwallace
This is meant to be a fun extra credit assignment. I have three brain teasers.
Dunwallace
If you get them all correct, then you can turn one test grade into an A.
Dunwallace
I will write them on the board. You have thirty minutes.
Jordan squeezes Jessica’s hands, murmuring to her under his breath.
Jordan
That’s all I need to pass this class and graduate.
Jessica
We got this, love. I won’t let you down.
Suddenly, Clay pops his head between the couple.
He looks at each of them, swiveling his head from side to side.
Clay
Haven’t you already, though?
Jordan
Okay, what are you talking about, Clay?
Jessica
Clay, I swear to god, if you say even one more word…
Clay
What? What’ll you do, Jess?
Tamara
Shut up! All of you!
Tamara
Professor Dunwallace has already written the first riddle on the board. See?
She pushes her glasses back and then points.
Up on the chalkboard, it says: “Question 1 — Its days are numbered”
Clay
Oh, I know! Jess and Jordan’s relationship!
Clay
Easy. Done. Should I ask Professor Dimwit for the next question?
Jordan
What’s going on? Jess, is there something you need to tell me?
Jessica
No! It’s nothing.
Jessica
We were broken up. It’s not a big deal.
Jessica
It’s actually not even a small deal. It’s no deal.
Clay
Uh-oh…Jess, are you worried you said too much there?
Jordan
What do you mean, “We were broken up?”
Jordan
Did you cheat on me when I was in Spain?
Jessica
I didn’t cheat on you! You were studying abroad.
Jessica
You were the one who said we should “press pause” for the semester.
Jordan
So “press pause” means “screw around?!”
Jessica
Woah. It was NOT screwing around — we were on a break!
Clay
Oh, this is good. Front row seats to the fight, baby!
Tamara
Shut UP, Clay! Can you guys “press pause” on this fight so we can get this riddle solved?
Jordan
Yeah, sure, Tamara. Sorry. You’re right.
Jordan
I’ll “press pause” so we can focus on this extra credit…
Jordan
Jess will “press pause” and screw the next guy who comes around, isn’t that right?
Jessica
I can’t believe you, Jordan. You wanted to break up, and now you’re pissed at me?
Jessica
Besides, we’d only been dating, what, five weeks?
Tamara
Weeks! That’s it. It’s a calendar!
Clay
What are you talking about?
Tamara
“Its days are numbered.” He means a calendar!
Clay
Seriously, you’re focused on the extra credit? We’ve got drama right in front of us!
Tamara
Jordan needs the credit, Clay. I’m just trying to help.
Tamara
I don’t see you doing anything but destroying someone’s relationship.
Jordan
Is it really a relationship if my girl stepped out while I was away?
Jessica
I won’t let you make me feel guilty about this, Jordan. I didn’t do anything wrong!
Jordan
Who was it anyway? Was it that jerk Martin?
Jessica
No! Just drop it! We need to move on to the next question. It’s up on the board.
Jessica
Look, “Question 2 — You need this for courage and hardcover books.”
Jordan
Hmm, courage. Like, Jess must have had a lot of courage to sneak around with Dylan. Was it Dylan?
Clay
Ha! Jordan, are you planning to guess every guy in the school? This is gonna be good.
Tamara
Jordan, your grades. You need to focus. We’re all passing this class except you.
Jessica
Let’s just get through this extra credit and then talk about it, Jordan.
Jordan
You know who likes to talk? Clay does.
Jordan
It was you — wasn’t it, Clay?
Jordan
Was my best friend hooking up with my girl?! YOU’RE SPINELESS!
Clay
Dude, relax. I was in Spain with you the whole time, remember?
Tamara
Spineless! That’s it!
Tamara
A spine is needed for courage and hardcover books.
Tamara
Write it down on our answer sheet.
Tamara
Okay, the last question…it says that it’s a code for us to crack: YYURYYUBICURYY4ME
Jordan
Well, that settles it. I’ve just flunked out.
Clay
Cheer up, mate. At least you know I didn’t sleep with your girlfriend.
Jordan
Was it Forest? Hunter? Colt? Ridge?
Clay
Wood? Tree? Rake? Leaf?
Tamara
Focus!! We need to get this so Jordan can graduate!!
Clay
Why do you care so much anyway, Tamara? You don’t even like Jordan.
Jordan
Wait, what? Tamara, you don’t like me?
Jordan
What did I do to you?
Tamara
I don’t NOT like Jordan.
Tamara
Jess is my best friend, and Jordan makes her happy.
Tamara
That’s why he needs to graduate so he can stay with her.
Tamara
Instead of DITCHING her, the way he did when he just ran off to Spain.
Jordan
Are you kidding me, Tamara?!
Jordan
Ran off to Spain? I was studying Spanish!
Jordan
What was I supposed to do?
Tamara
You didn’t even call her when you were gone.
Tamara
Did you expect her to sit around and wait for you?
Jordan
Oh, my God. It was you!
Jordan
You’re the one who hooked up with Jess when I was gone.
Clay
WHAT?! THIS IS SO HOT I CAN’T EVEN TAKE IT!!!
Jessica
Jordan, it didn’t even happen when we were dating.
Jessica
And it was just once, really. Promise.
Jordan
But I don’t get it.
Jordan
Are you a lesbian? Are you bi?
Jessica
That’s not the point.
Jessica
What happened between Tamara and me…
Jessica
It was exactly that — something that happened between the two of us.
Jessica
You and I were broken up, and I don’t owe you an explanation.
Jessica reaches out and clasps Jordan’s hand.
Jessica
The point is that now, I want to be with you, Jordan.
Jessica
Tamara and I don’t want to be together.
Jessica
That’s why she’s here — to help US be together.
Jessica squeezes Jordan’s hand.
Jessica
And I want to be with you.
Jessica
I love you, Jordan.
Jessica
That should be good enough for you.
Jordan holds Jessica’s gaze for a moment before he nods his head once.
Jordan
It is. God, you’re right. It is.
Jordan
I love you too, Jess.
Clay
Seriously? That’s all I get? No more drama?
Tamara
Shut UP, Clay! Don’t you see that everyone else here wants them to be together?
Tamara
Besides, we have to help Jordan graduate. We’ve only got a minute left!
Tamara
YYURYYUBICURYY4ME. What does it mean??
Clay
No way. If the show’s over, then I’m out. Besides, this was too hard for me.
Jordan
Clay, you're a genius!
Clay
I mean, of course I am!
Jordan
“Too hard for me.” FOR ME. Get it? 4ME?
Tamara
Yes! And you can say “YY” like “two y’s.”
Tamara
That sounds just like “too wise!”
Jessica grabs a pen and decodes the final question.
Jessica
Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are too wise for me. YYURYYUBICURYY4ME.
Tamara rushes up to the front of the room with their answer sheet.
Tamara
Professor Dunwallace, we got it!
The professor looks down at the paper.
Dunwallace
Yes, that’s right. Well done!
Jordan
That means I can graduate!
Immediately, Jordan turns to Tamara.
Jordan
Thank you. Seriously. We couldn’t have done it without you, Tamara.
Jordan
Thanks for having my back. And um…for being a good friend to Jess.
Clay
Listen, could you ladies please describe—
Jordan rolls his eyes and clasps his friend on the shoulder.
Jordan
I think we'd better get you out of here until you chill out.
He steers him out of the room.
Once the boys are gone, Jessica turns to Tamara.
Jessica
I’m so sorry that happened. You said you weren’t ready to come out yet…
Tamara
It’s okay. I don’t think they knew.
Jessica
I don’t think so either.
Jessica
And I don’t even get how Clay knew something was up in the first place.
Tamara
He’s oddly perceptive for such a dimwit.
Jessica
Look, I AM sorry for the other thing too.
Jessica
That I chose Jordan.
Tamara
Jess, you weren’t the only one who didn’t think we should be together.
Tamara
I mean, no offense, but you’re REALLY not my type.
Jessica clutches her hand to her chest in mock offense…
And then they laugh so hard it erases all the tension of the day.
