Emma
Why are you doing this to me?
Emma
You promised you’d stop setting up your children.
Mom
That was back when you had a boyfriend.
Mom
I’m breaking my promise now that you’re single again.
Mom
Besides, I’m a professional. Look at how happy your sister is!
Emma
Yeah…Carrie warned me…
Emma
She told me about your psycho antics at the dog park.
Emma
So for the hundredth time…
Emma
I DON’T NEED YOU TO FIND ME A BOYFRIEND!
Mom
Oh honey, you need all the help you can get.
Emma
Where are you this time?
Mom
At the gym. Lots of hot guys here.
Emma
You’re not a member of a gym!
Mom
Well, someone has to find you a boyfriend.
Mom
I’ll be 200 years old by the time I get grandkids if I wait around for you.
Emma
You don’t know how embarrassing this is for me.
Mom
Oh, stop being so dramatic. You’re not even here.
Mom
Oooooh, hello Mr. Muscles on the weight machine thingy.
Emma
Weight machine thingy? Have you ever been to a gym before?
Emma
What are you wearing?
Emma
You’re wearing a dress?!? At the gym???
Mom
I look hot in this dress.
Emma
Are you wearing running shoes at least?
Mom
I have to look good if I’m going to meet my future son-in-law.
Mom
I’m going to talk to Mr. Muscles for you.
Emma
We’ve talked about this.
Emma
Remember? Boundaries…
Mom
But you haven’t seen this guy.
Mom
If you saw him, you’d want me to talk to him. Trust me.
Emma
That is the opposite of what I’d want. Trust me.
Mom
I’ll take a picture of him.
Emma
Don’t! Please don’t!
Emma receives an extremely blurry picture of someone lifting weights.
Mom
Mr. Muscles has got it going on, girlfriend!
Emma
I can’t even see him.
Emma
And don’t call me girlfriend.
Mom
Stay there. I’ll get the deets.
Mom
Ready for the scoop? Mr. Muscles is named Jason and he’s an electrician.
Mom
I told him there would be SPARKS between him and my daughter.
Mom
See what I did there? 😁
Emma
Yes. You’re so clever 🙄
Mom
Jason is single, he likes baseball, and his stomach is as hard as your head.
Mom
I’m tempted to keep this guy for myself.
Mom
Don’t tell your father.
Emma
That’s it? All you found out was that he likes baseball?
Mom
You’re forgetting the hard stomach.
Mom
Should I set up a date?
Emma
Mom! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this…
Emma
And I don’t know how many ways I can explain it…
Emma
I DON’T WANT YOU SETTING ME UP WITH RANDOM GUYS!
Mom
He’s not random. He goes to my gym.
Emma
YOU DON’T HAVE A GYM MEMBERSHIP!!!
Mom
I do today. The day pass was only $7.
Mom
Oh darn, Jason just walked into the men’s changing room.
Emma
Probably to get away from the weird lady in the purple dress that keeps hanging around him.
Emma
You cannot go into the guy’s changing room!!!
Emma
You’ll get arrested and get sent to jail!
Emma
On second thought, go in. The police will confiscate your phone.
Mom
Ooooh, Cutie McBootie just strolled in.
Emma
I hope you saw him as you were strolling out.
Mom
Emma, you’re going to like this guy.
Mom
He looks like a superhero.
Emma
Good, because I have an archnemesis that I would like to get rid of.
Emma
She’s trying to set me up on unwanted dates.
Mom
I’ll get you a picture and then you’ll be thanking me.
Emma
Mom, we talked about this!
Mom
I don’t believe this!
Mom
I just got told that I’m not allowed to take pictures of the gym members!
Mom
They made me delete the picture of Cutie McBootie!
Mom
I know! What kind of place is this?
Emma
You should storm out of there, get in your car, and come home immediately!
Emma
That will show them!
Mom
But then you’ll have to spend your Friday night playing Scrabble with me and your father like you always do.
Emma
I don’t ALWAYS do that…
Mom
When was the last time you had a date?
Emma
Is there any point of objecting anymore?
Mom
You’re going to like this one.
Mom
His name is Zac and he’s a pilot. A HOT pilot.
Mom
I know you LOVE pilots 😍
Mom
Maybe he’ll help you join the Mile High Club.
Mom
Oh, come on…I know you want to join. I’m a member.
Emma
Please don’t talk about having sex with Dad.
Mom
Who said it was with your Dad? 😉
Emma
I’m washing my phone in bleach later because of you.
Mom
He should be calling you any second.
Mom
I gave him your number.
Mom
No chance. You’re going to want this one to call you. Trust me.
Emma
I will never trust you again.
Mom
Stop being so dramatic.
A few minutes later, Zac texts Emma.
Emma
Depends. Is this the guy my mother is harassing?
Zac
Haha. If your mom is wearing a purple dress in a gym, then that’s me.
Emma
A large dumbbell fell on her head and she’s never been the same since.
Zac
She told me you’re studying to be a veterinarian? That’s so cool!
Emma
Almost as cool as being a pilot 🛩
Zac
I just got out of flight school so I’m still just a co-pilot 😊
Emma
Still pretty impressive. What else did my mother say about me?
Zac
She said you’re single and looking to get hooked up.
Emma
I keep warning the police that she shouldn’t be allowed out in public, but they stopped returning my calls.
Zac
Haha. She’s not so bad. So, are you single?
Emma
Yeah. I’ve been studying so much that I don’t have time to get out. You?
Zac
Single too. I was surrounded by guys in flight school and it can be hard to meet girls.
Emma
Luckily we have my mother to do it for us!
Zac
She does seem to come in handy.
Emma
Is she still bothering you?
Zac
No. She’s showing her phone to a guy who’s trying to do the bench press.
Mom
Emma! I have another option.
Mom
His name is Chris. A little sweaty, but cute and he works in advertising.
Mom
I’ll try to get a pic for you.
Zac
I think security is throwing your mom out.
Zac
There are two security guards talking to her. She looks upset.
Emma
PLEASE videotape her getting thrown out. PLEASE!
Zac
If I do, will you meet me for a cup of coffee?
A few minutes later, Zac texts Emma again.
Zac
I got it! They threw her out for trying to take a picture of the guy on the bench press.
Zac
I’ll show you the video when we meet for the cup of coffee. Sound good?
Emma
Sounds excellent! Tonight?
Zac
Absolutely. How about the coffeeshop on 5th and Meadowbrook? 8:00?
Emma
I’ll be there. PLEASE don’t forget the video! I have to see it!
A few minutes later, Emma’s mom texts her again.
Mom
They kicked me out! I can’t believe this!
Emma
I can’t believe they let you in in the first place.
Mom
Since when is it illegal to take a picture of someone???
Emma
Since always, I think.
Mom
They wouldn’t even give me my $7 back!
Mom
I’ll have to find you a boyfriend another time.
Emma
Or, you could just leave me alone and let me live my life.
Mom
Oh honey, we both know that’s not going to happen.
Mom
I’ll try the library next time. The guys here are too sweaty anyways.
Emma
Not a big fan of excessive sweat.
Mom
Oh! Do you know if your cousin Sarah is single?
