Anders
Where are you? I’m here at the East Gate.
Melanie
I’m not associating with liars anymore
Melanie
It’s gotten me into too much trouble.
Melanie
You could have told me I was part of some gross experiment
Melanie
My friend Sasha found your papers. The web.
Melanie
All liars can fucking explain
Melanie
Explaining’s what liars do best
Melanie
Spinning more lies
Melanie
I’m ruined now, because of your lies. I’m a freak.
Melanie
I’ll probably be killed by the FBI. They’ve already kidnapped Sasha.
Melanie
WHY is the question. Why do I have this…disease?
Melanie
Why did you infect those other girls?
Anders
It came from a good place, I promise.
Anders
it was a test. A successful test.
Melanie
Successful in securing me a career in a travelling circus?
Melanie
Because I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about right now
Anders
Because we had unprotected sex, you are now immune to herpes.
Anders
It’s true! Dr. Hyland discovered it.
Anders
Remember her lecture on folk medicine that Prof.
Anders
Stafford made us go to last semester?
Melanie
Yes. Snooze-fest.
Anders
Reptiles are used in all kinds of traditional medicine, as we learned
Anders
those shamans and witch doctors knew their shit
Anders
I mean, we shouldn’t have been surprised.
Anders
More and more of these discoveries are being made daily.
Anders
I personally believe that it’s our responsibility as scientists and doctors...
Anders
to focus on ridding ourselves of the colonialist impulse to frown on non-Western medicine
Melanie
Spare me the anthropology lesson. Just explain.
Anders
Sorry. Dr. Hyland has been experimenting on rats for a decade...
Anders
and found that splicing their genes with those of certain reptiles and amphibians actually eliminated herpes in the rats -
Anders
and that their offspring were born herpes-free
Anders
THEN she found out that the males who mated with the females not only transmitted the “vaccine” to their offspring...
Anders
but to their partners
Anders
this vaccine was not only genetically transmitted, it was sexually transmitted
Melanie
so then she tried it out with humans?
Melanie
Ok, and she didn’t publish any of the rat findings—why?
Anders
She DID. 3 years ago
Anders
no one paid attention. Blame the patriarchal science world.
Melanie
Blame the patriarchy?
Melanie
This is coming from the dude who INTENTIONALLY infected women with an untested “vaccine” WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT?
Melanie
You, my friend, are a glowing beacon of feminism.
Anders
Ugh. Do you understand what I’m saying? YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO GET HERPES.
Anders
100% of rats were cured, and 100% were born herpes-free.
Melanie
Ok, so maybe there’s a chance I won’t get herpes.
Melanie
But I’ll have to live with these mutations.
Melanie
I would rather have herpes, now that I think of it.
Anders
The side effects are an…issue.
Anders
But once you get used to them, they aren’t all bad
Anders
Some of us have found them to be advantageous
Anders
Actually, that’s what I wanted to tell you
Anders
I’m getting to a point where my hands…
Anders
it’s getting harder and harder to text, to talk, to see like a human
Anders
I think I’m going to disappear for a while
Anders
will you come with me?
Anders
There are a group of us living out here
Melanie
Why would I come with you?
Melanie
after you used me like one of Dr. Hyland’s lab rats
Anders
You know, I was going to tell you about all this over coffee
Anders
But you stood me up
Melanie
Are you seriously dredging that up again?
Anders
I don’t want to fight, ok?
Melanie
I stupidly thought that you hooked up with me because you enjoyed our conversation
Anders
I did enjoy our conversation
Anders
I’ve had a crush on you since freshman orientation
Anders
YES. You just never paid any attention to me.
Anders
Then we were at that party together and I knew I had to make a move
Anders
And if I’d known this is how it would turn out, then I wouldn’t have done it
Anders
How can I prove to you how sorry I am
Melanie
I don’t need you to PROVE anything
Melanie
I think I just need time to process all of this
Anders
Hey, does your friend Sasha have short pink hair?
Melanie
Yes. She did that for the sole purpose of pissing off her mom. Why??
Anders
There’s a van. And some agent-y looking guys
Melanie
Ugh. Some FBI creep texted me from her phone. We’re supposed to meet at 2
Melanie
We were fighting, S and I. I never wanted anything like this to happen, though
Anders
Hold on, let me get closer
Anders
Do you know the lookout point overlooking Lake Finch?
Anders
That’s where they are.
Melanie
I’m running over now
Anders
don’t let them see you
Anders
I’m getting closer…
Anders
They’ve got her tied up. It looks like they’re interrogating her…
Melanie
Tell me what you see
Melanie
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT
Melanie
Please tell me those were fireworks
Melanie
ANDERS PLEASE TEXT ME BACK
