The day after the pool party…
I wake up to the memory of Austin kissing me.
Except for the part where my roommate, Deb, almost ruined everything.
I get up and walk into the kitchen…
Deb
I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.
Deb
Katy wasn’t ready and I knew it.
Martha
Then why did you let her perform?
Deb
I felt bad. It was super important to her.
Martha
And it wasn’t super important to me?
Deb
What’s that supposed to mean?
Martha
I feel like you’re hiding things, Deb.
Martha
First, you invite Jordan to move in.
Deb
But that turned out okay.
Deb
You guys are friends!
Martha
Then you vouched for a dancer — on my reputation…
Martha
When you knew she couldn’t do it.
Deb
I’m not hiding anything!
Deb
You’re just never around!
Deb
You’re so focused on this fancy internship…
Deb
And impressing Austin…
Deb
Even though he’s kind of a jerk!
Oooh, Deb crossed the line with that comment.
Deb
I gotta go to the dance studio.
I’m still in the kitchen…
When Jordan walks around the corner…
And grabs something from the fridge.
He knows I’m upset about Deb.
Jordan
It wasn’t Deb’s fault, you know.
Martha
She shouldn’t have let that girl on stage.
Jordan
I know. But haven’t you ever made a mistake?
Jordan
Not trusted yourself when you should have?
I put bread in the toaster and push the lever down.
The bread won’t stay down.
I try three times until Jordan plugs the toaster in…
And pushes the lever down for me.
I pick up, listen, and then say goodbye…annoyed.
Martha
Deb forgot her keys.
Martha
She needs me to bring them to her.
I walk into the dance studio and run into Katy…
Who wrecked Jordan’s performance yesterday.
Katy
Hey, Martha. I’m super embarrassed about the show…
Katy
And I want you to know it was all my fault.
Katy
Anyway, I’m really sorry.
Martha
Not everyone is cut out for the big leagues.
Feeling a pang over the hurt expression on her face.
I find Deb at the reception desk.
The fight between us still hangs in the air.
Deb
Thanks. The key to the laundry room is on there.
Deb
And how can I be the towel girl if I can’t wash the towels?
Deb’s sadness hits me hard.
We are best friends, after all.
Martha
You know you’re more than just a towel girl.
Deb
For what happened, and for the stuff I said.
Martha
I know you would never want to make me look bad.
Then Deb remembers something.
Deb
You weren’t home when I went to bed last night!
Deb
IT! With Austin! Have SEX!!!
Martha
And it was like, amazing.
Martha
Better than Trevor. Much better!!
Martha
You don’t really think Austin is a jerk, do you?
Deb
Oh…no, no! Not at all.
Deb
But…I mean, he might not be “the one.”
Deb
You’ll still keep looking, right?
Martha
Why? He’s hot, successful…
Martha
And he makes me a better version of myself.
I can tell Deb isn’t convinced…
But we both decide not to go there.
Deb
So…when do you see him next?
Martha
Uhh, I guess whenever he asks me.
Deb
Girl! It’s 2020! You need to ask that boy out!
Martha
But I’ve never asked anyone out before.
Deb
You asked Trevor Holt to take your virginity!
While Tilla is applying lip gloss with a surgeon’s precision.
I’m working on an email to Austin.
I try out a subject line:
“Hey, how have you been?”
“So, there’s this cool art exhibit…”
I delete that subject line, too.
Then I realize: an email? That is SO not me.
Austin hasn’t been in the office since the party…
And I have no other way to reach him.
If only I had his number.
Texting him would be so much better.
Hmm, I bet Tilla would have his cell number.
I clear my throat and turn to Tilla.
Martha
It seems like a lot of the agents are still gone.
Tilla looks at me and rolls her eyes.
Martha
It’s probably because of the long Fourth of July weekend, right?
Tilla doesn’t bother to respond.
Martha
So how come you’re in today, anyway?
Tilla
Because someone has to babysit you.
Despite the dis, I forge ahead.
Martha
Um, a manager called and left a message for Austin.
Martha
I can text Austin the message if you give me his number.
Tilla
No, just tell Laura. She can do it.
Well, that little lie didn’t work.
Martha
Okay, but for future reference…
Martha
If someone needs an agent’s personal info…
Martha
Like a cell number…
Martha
Um, do we have that somewhere?
Tilla
We don’t give out personal info to anyone.
Tilla
That’s like, Hollywood’s rule number one.
Tilla
My dad would kill anyone in this office…
Tilla
Who leaked the agents’ numbers.
Martha
But what if I need to get ahold of them?
Tilla gives me a piercing look…
Like she knows exactly why I want Austin’s number.
Tilla
I can’t imagine any scenario…
Tilla
Where an intern would need an agent’s cell number.
Well, that was a dead end.
Just then, a very attractive guy in his 20s walks into the office.
Tilla scrambles to put her lip gloss away.
For the first time ever, she looks unnerved.
Tilla
Sam! Hey! So good to see you.
Tilla
What brings you in?
Sam kisses Tilla on the cheek.
Sam
Your dad told me to pop by after the Fourth…
Sam
And listen to some tracks.
Tilla
He just left on a last-minute trip to Jamaica. Sorry.
Tilla’s body language is very flirty.
Sam
Maybe we can set something up when he gets back.
He goes to leave, but Tilla stops him.
Tilla
Hey Sam, have you ever had a tour of the house?
Tilla
Let me show you around.
Tilla
Make yourself invisible, loser.
Tilla walks off with Sam.
Moments later, Laura, the receptionist, appears.
She’s holding her lunch and walking towards the kitchen.
Martha
She went off with a guy named Sam.
Laura
Sam Green? You should take a long lunch.
Laura
She’ll be “busy” for a while.
Laura steps into the kitchen.
I can hear the sounds of the microwave.
I sneak away from my desk and head towards the foyer.
I tiptoe to Laura’s desk…
Looking in all directions.
I stealthily sit behind the computer…
Click on the address book…
And find Austin’s contact card.
Next to his cell number is typed “DO NOT SHARE — per Austin.”
But it’s not like I’m giving it to anyone else, right?
After I type his number into my phone…
I hear Laura’s footsteps.
I move away from her desk just in time.
Laura
Ugh, it’s day ten of the Whole 30.
Martha
Hey Austin! It’s Martha.
Martha
I was just wondering if you’re coming in today.
Austin
Hi Martha. No, I’m not.
Austin
I’m heading to Jamaica with Mr. James.
Austin
It’s a last-minute trip.
Austin
I asked Tilla to tell you I’d be gone.
Martha
Oh, okay. She must have forgotten to tell me.
One point for Tilla James.
Martha
When will you be back?
Martha
There’s an art exhibit on campus I think you’d like.
Austin
I’m not back for another week 😕
Austin
But you wanna plan on a date when I am?
Martha
Of course. Have fun in Jamaica! 🌴 👙
Yay!! I have a date with Austin!
Despite Tilla’s interference.
Maybe I should give Tilla a dose of her own medicine.
I look through the office’s medicine cabinet…
And find just what I’m looking for.
I search for Tilla and Sam…
And find them sitting near the pool in the backyard, talking.
Holding two bottles of Pepto-Bismol.
I run over to Tilla, seemingly in a panic.
Martha
Tilla! Are you okay?
Martha
I came back as fast as I could!
Tilla
What are you talking about, freak?
Martha
I just got off the phone with the doctor.
Martha
He says if you take Pepto three times a day…
Martha
You should stop having diarrhea by tomorrow.
Martha
Here. I brought you some.
Sam scoots away from Tilla.
Tilla
Ew, gross! What is wrong with you??
Martha
Tilla, we’re all adults…
Martha
And explosive diarrhea is no laughing matter.
Martha
Have you been drinking enough water?
Sam gets up and heads toward the door.
Sam
Sorry you’re not feeling well, Tilla.
Sam
I’ll just, uh, text your dad when he’s back in town.
And Tilla looks like she’s going to strangle me.
Martha
Thanks for letting me know that Austin was out of town.
Tilla
He’s not actually interested in you, okay?
Martha
And it looks like Sam isn’t interested in you either…anymore.
Tilla
I’m going to make you pay for this.
Martha
I can’t wait to see you try.
I march back to the office, leaving Tilla looking furious.
I’m exiting the art exhibit on campus when my phone dings.
Austin
I’m finally laying by the pool! #workaholic 🌴
Martha
Pics or it didn’t happen.
Austin
Ooh, is Hot Martha asking for sexy poolside pics?
I look up from my phone to see Jordan.
He’s with two boys who look to be about 12.
I wave and walk over to them.
Martha
I’m seeing you out of our house, NOT working!
Jordan
Will, Cooper…this is Martha, my roommate.
Will
You live with a girl? Ew!
Jordan
No. Just my roommate.
Jordan
These jerks are my music students.
My phone dings in my hand.
Will
Barely! He brought us to an art exhibit.
Jordan
I brought them here to show how you can find musical inspiration…
Jordan
Through other art forms.
I glance at my phone but ignore it.
Martha
Ahh, so you are working.
Martha
Do you two ever tell this guy he should have more fun?
Cooper
All the time! But he’s Mr. No Fun.
Jordan
Sometimes I think I can’t remember how to have fun.
My phone dings yet again.
Will
Girl, you are blowing up!
I finally look at my phone.
Austin has texted me a picture of his bare calves.
Austin
Is this what you meant?
I look at Jordan, Will, and Cooper.
They’re all staring at me.
Martha
I think there’s a video arcade around the corner.
Martha
Should we show Mr. No Fun how it’s done?
The kids’ excited expressions are my answer.
Jordan, Will, Cooper, and I are playing video games.
I get a text from Austin.
It’s a photo of his hand holding a tropical drink.
Martha
Not quite what I was after.
After a while, we get some sodas…
And take turns blowing straw wrappers in each other’s faces.
I get another text from Austin.
It’s a super close-up pic of his face with sunglasses on.
Martha
Cute. But try again.
At the arcade, we get ice cream cones.
As we’re eating them, I look down at my phone.
I playfully lick Jordan’s ice cream…
The four of us have left the arcade.
As we’re walking, Will looks at his phone.
Will
My honeys are calling.
Cooper
You mean your mom? I gotta go, too.
Cooper
Martha, you’re cool.
Cooper
Come hang out more often so Jordan loosens up.
Will
Yeah, he’s less of a nerd when you’re around.
Will and Cooper take off.
Martha
He called you a nerd!
Martha
What are you gonna do about that?
Jordan
Nothing. I am a nerd.
Martha
I’m not sure if you qualify.
Martha
But I’ll review your case with the council.
This time, I don’t even reach for it.
Jordan
Are you gonna check that, Miss Popular?
Martha
So how did I not know you were a music teacher?
Jordan
I volunteer at an after-school program.
Jordan
And it somehow morphed into music lessons with those two.
Martha
That’s really cool.
Martha
I should volunteer somewhere.
Jordan
You will, when you find a place that you connect with.
Martha
Maybe something science related!
Martha
Growing up, I did STEM programs and engineering camps.
Martha
This summer is the first time I haven’t been focused on science…
Martha
And I feel totally disconnected.
Jordan
Really? I feel like we’ve connected.
Martha
Yeah, we have. All that girl talk.
I look into Jordan’s eyes.
I can feel something building between us…
Jordan
You just gave me the best idea for a song!
Jordan
Uh, do you need a ride home?
Martha
No, I’ve got my car.
Jordan
Thank you!!! You’re my muse!
It’s then that I remember my phone.
It’s a very sexy shirtless pic of Austin by a pool.
I text Austin back with three fire emojis.
I’m lying on my bed reading…
It’s a video text from Austin:
Austin
I thought you deserved a real view.
Austin
Jamaica is gorgeous.
Austin
We’re actually heading back today.
Austin
The trip was cut short.
Austin
I’m going to Boho House tonight…
Austin
And I want “Hot Martha” to join me.
Austin
I won’t take no for an answer.
She’s lying on her bed looking at her phone…
While Drew is sleeping next to her.
I whisper to Deb, so as not wake Drew.
Martha
Austin invited me to Boho House.
Deb
Oh, cool, that’s awesome.
Deb sets her phone down to snuggle into Drew, and then…
Deb
That club is invite only!!
Deb
What are you gonna wear??
Martha
I don’t know! Oh my god!
Deb
I’ll get up and help you!
I leave in a hurry to start planning my look.
I’m wearing a sequined romper…
And I’ve pulled out all the stops on my makeup.
I hear Deb calling me from downstairs.
Deb
Martha!! Come on out!
Deb
Drew and I are late for the movie.
Deb
And I want to see you before we leave!
Drew
Whoa Martha! That’s hot!
Deb hits him in the stomach.
Drew
Like, in a best-friends-with-my-girlfriend kinda way.
Drew gives me a thumbs-up.
But Deb looks like she isn’t so sure.
Deb
I’ve never seen you in anything like that.
Martha
I know. I’m trying something new.
Deb
Well you definitely don’t look like yourself…
Deb
If that’s what you’re going for.
Drew
Martha, you can’t get there before 8:30.
I didn’t see Jordan until now.
He’s at the top of the steps.
Jordan
The club won’t be happening for another hour.
Jordan
Yeah, it’s kinda disco.
Drew
I hate missing the previews.
Deb
Have fun with Austin!
Deb
Try to take some secret pics of the club!!
Austin’s name hangs in the air…
As Jordan and I stare awkwardly at each other.
Martha
So how’s that song coming?
Martha
The one I inspired.
Jordan
Good. Maybe I’ll let you hear it when it’s done.
Jordan continues down the steps.
He brushes against me as he heads to the kitchen.
Martha
Are you done working for the night?
Jordan comes back from the kitchen with snacks.
Jordan
Yeah. Somebody taught me the importance of fun.
Jordan
So I thought I’d give it another try.
Jordan sits next to me on the couch.
He offers me chips, and I take them.
Martha
Well, I guess I have another hour to kill.
Martha
What are you gonna do?
Jordan
My Friday night is very busy.
Jordan
I’m watching scary movies on this couch.
Jordan
You’re welcome to join me…
Jordan
But there’s a dress code.
Jordan
Yeah, only sequined rompers.
Jordan
I wear it every day, on the inside.
I smile, and settle onto the couch.
Jordan and I are snuggled up on the couch, sharing a blanket.
I’m staring intently at the screen…
When out of the corner of my eye…
I see Jordan opening a package of Twizzlers.
And gently hits my lips with it.
Martha
What are you doing?
Jordan
You looked hungry.
Martha
And that’s how you feed people?
He gently smacks my lips with the Twizzler again.
Jordan eats a Twizzler while I check my phone.
Austin
Martha! Are you coming?
Austin
Your name is on the list at the door.
Martha
I know you don’t like Austin.
Jordan
It doesn’t matter what I think.
Jordan
And maybe he’s changed.
Jordan
Come on, I’ll drive you.
Martha
What about your movie?
Jordan
Ahh…it’s too scary to watch alone.
Jordan
I’ll finish it when you’re free.
Jordan has dropped me off…
And I’ve just entered Boho House.
The vibe is sexy, sleek, and very exclusive.
I walk through the room, looking for Austin…
Marveling that I’m even here.
He’s holding two glasses of champagne…
And appears to be looking straight at me.
Then I see a gorgeous girl…
Take one of the Champagne glasses out of Austin’s hand.
Or…maybe I don’t belong here.
Then Austin sees me…for real this time.
Austin
Hey you. I thought you were never gonna show.
Martha
Oh, I was just…being fashionably late.
Austin
Let me introduce you around.
Austin
Martha, this is Addison, Shannon, Brianna, Courtney, and Vicki.
Girls. It’s all girls! WTF?!
Austin
And of course you know Tilla.
Martha
Hi. You all look beautiful.
Well, I guess this is definitely not a date.
Tilla, annoyed by the sight of me, leaves.
Shannon
Did you two meet at Bieber’s party?
Austin
Actually, Martha is one of our newest additions at JCA.
Austin
And I have a feeling she’ll be with us for a long time.
Then Austin’s attention is diverted.
Austin
Hey, I gotta work the crowd. Duty calls.
Austin steps away from us.
I sit down with the girls.
Vicki
So can I ask you, like, a really serious question?
Martha
Me? Uh, sure I guess.
Vicki
Do you think my hair color is “working?”
Vicki
But I mean, like, am I marketable?
Martha
Marketable as what?
Vicki
As a serious but sexy cop, or a serious but sexy doctor.
Martha
You remind me of an actress from Chicago Med.
A waiter brings me a glass of champagne and hands me a note.
Waiter
This is from that gentleman over there.
I look up to see Austin smiling at me.
He tips his drink towards me.
“Think like an agent. Work the room.”
On what should be one of the most exciting nights of my life…
And for some reason, I’m wishing I was at home…
But if Austin wants me to work the room…
So I feign great interest…
As I look at headshots on Madison’s phone…
And choose which one I like best.
As Courtney plays a track for me on her phone.
And as Brianna practices modeling poses…
I gives her advice on which side is her best.
Then I move to talk to others in the room…
And Austin looks on, pleased.
I’m back talking to Austin’s girls.
Shannon
I’m heading to the bathroom.
Shannon
Anyone wanna come?
The other girls stand up.
Shannon
Martha, are you coming?
We all head for the bathroom, leaving Tilla behind.
The girls reapply their makeup and fix their bras.
I awkwardly fluff my hair.
Vicki
Are any of you guys going to Vegas this summer?
Shannon
I’m so over Vegas lately.
Shannon
But I was thinking of doing a long weekend in Palm Springs.
Vicki
Oooh I love Palm Springs! Let’s go!
Addison
My parents own a house there.
Addison
It’s only six bedrooms, but they have a 20-person hot tub!
Shannon
Oooh, yass. Martha, are you in?
Martha
Me? You want me to come with you guys to Palm Springs?
Shannon
Duh. That’s why I just asked.
Martha
Uh, yeah. That sounds awesome.
Martha
Are you guys interested in tickets to a Kiandra show?
Martha
I can get you VIP passes.
Shannon
Eh, I’m kinda over Kiandra.
Martha
Really? Why? Do you feel like it’s her image?
Martha
Or…something else?
Shannon
I mean, I really liked her second album.
Vicki
Ooh yeah, her second album was dope.
Vicki
It kinda sounded like Selena Gomez.
Shannon
Totally, but Selena’s better.
Vicki hands me her lip gloss…
And I can’t help but feel honored as I apply it.
Then the bathroom door swings open…
Addison is looking at her headshots on her phone again.
Tilla looks over Addison’s shoulder.
Tilla
I like the one with the crop top.
Addison
Your new agent liked this one with the long sleeve.
Tilla
Agent? Ew. Is that what she told you?
Now Tilla has everyone’s attention.
Tilla
This liar is our summer intern.
Tilla
She didn’t even know who Kendrick Lamar was.
Vicki looks disgusted as she takes the lip gloss out of my hands.
They all look at me like I’m a freak.
Shannon
I heard there’s an after hours at Alejandro’s tonight.
Vicki
No one you would know.
All the girls except Tilla leave.
Tilla takes out her lip gloss and starts applying it.
She looks at me through the mirror.
Tilla
You thought you could put on that little outfit…
Tilla
And stop being a loser?
Tilla
Good luck with that.
Martha
Is this about Sam Green?
Martha
That was just a joke.
Tilla
Oh no. Don’t worry.
Tilla
You’ll still get payback for that.
Tilla
This was because I can’t stand posers.
Tilla leaves the bathroom.
I feel momentarily deflated.
What would Deb say if she were here right now?
I imagine exactly what she would say:
“Who cares about those dumb girls and Palm Springs!"
“They’re not why you came here tonight!"
“You’re here for Austin."
“Now get your butt out there and get him!”
Then I imagine Deb spanking my butt…
And I swagger back into the main room.
I spot Austin and walk straight up to him.
Austin
Martha, let me introduce you to…
Martha
I’m not here to meet any more people.
Then I turn to the people with him.
Austin is clearly surprised — and impressed — by my new confidence.
Austin
Okay then. Let’s go grab a drink.
We’re at the Boho House bar…
Standing next to each other and talking.
Austin
Alright, new look, new attitude.
Austin
This is the real Martha. I can tell.
Austin
The way you walked across the room and stared me down?
Austin
That’s the kind of girl I’m interested in.
Nearby, I see Tilla pull a small bottle out of her purse.
Martha
So are you saying I should always be this commanding?
Austin
Forget the fumbling Martha…
Who spills coffee on her shirt and hides under desks.
He turns to the bartender.
Austin
Can I get the check?
I turn and make small talk with a JCA agent standing next to me.
I see Tilla out of the corner of my eye.
But when I turn back towards Austin, she’s gone.
Austin
Finish your drink.
Austin
I wanna take you somewhere private.
Austin
Hah! There you go, college girl.
Watching me with a strange expression on her face.
Austin brings me out to the balcony.
We can see all the twinkling lights of LA.
Martha
Wow, that’s an amazing view.
He puts his hand on my cheek…
Oh my gosh, we’re kissing under the stars.
And he is such a good kisser.
Okay, Austin is definitely “the one.”
Except…sometimes I like watching movies at home on the weekends.
After a few minutes, I hear my stomach gurgle…
And I pull away from the kiss.
Austin
Is everything okay?
But my stomach feels weird.
I go back to kissing Austin.
But it only lasts for a moment…
And puke all over Austin’s shirt.
