I sit down next to Maggie in the circle.
Penny
What are we, in middle school?
Penny
Who’s stupid idea was it to play this game?
Steve sits down on my other side.
Steve
Aww come on, it’ll be fun, Milkshake Girl.
There is no one in this circle I’d want to spend seven minutes with, anywhere…
Ethan suddenly sits down across from me.
I lean over and whisper in Maggie’s ear:
Penny
I’m going to kill you!
Maggie
Maybe you’ll finally get to kiss Eth—
I pinch her waist and she squeals.
It’s better than letting her finish that sentence.
Penny
Haven’t you been listening?!
Penny
Ethan definitely thinks I’m a total loser — a crazy person!
Penny
First the milkshake…
Penny
Then the word vomit.
Penny
Then of course I broke one of his trophies and threw his dirty underwear at his face—
Penny
You don’t know the half of it.
Penny
Just know that Ethan and I are never going to happen.
Thankfully, she isn’t able to finish her sentence…
Because Steve gets everyone’s attention with a whistle.
Steve
Alright, listen up.
Steve
Here are the rules…
He takes out a bottle and places it in the center of the circle.
Steve
You spin the bottle…
Steve
And whoever it lands on…
Steve
Has to spend seven minutes in the closet with you.
Steve
Whatever you do in there is your business.
And everyone laughs but me.
Steve
There are no do-overs, and no exceptions.
Steve
Everyone ready to play?!
And I shrink into myself, wishing I could disappear.
Maggie leans around me and grabs Steve’s pant leg.
They give each other a look…
And the crowd starts clapping.
How the heck did I find myself in this mess?!
I reach over and spin the bottle.
I’m klutzy on a good day…
But today has been nothing but bad…
So I’m not surprised when the bottle goes flying.
Ethan ducks out of the way just in time…
Maggie and Steve both groan behind me.
Penny
Crap! I’m so sorry.
And turns back to grab the bottle.
He places it back in the center…
Then mouths to me a word I can make out clearly:
Steve
A little less wrist next time, Milkshake Girl!
It’s the last thing I want to do…
Especially because I’m melting with mortification…
And this time it circles nicely.
Until it stops on Handsy Henry, the first baseman.
He looks at me, and smirks.
I think there’s dried cheese in his mustache.
My stomach starts to feel uneasy.
Steve and Maggie are whispering furiously behind me…
But I can’t make out what they’re saying.
On how the heck I’m going to get out of this situation.
Steve
Henry, you have a girlfriend.
Henry gives him a “seriously bro?” look…
Henry shrugs and leaves the circle.
Steve
Penny – your turn to spin again.
Maggie gives me a comforting smile.
Maggie
Third time’s a charm!
I glare back, then reach for the bottle.
Hopefully I can get it to land on Maggie.
I’ll need more than seven minutes to chew her out…
With that thought in mind…
I spin the bottle lightly.
I watch it with bated breath…
Hoping that one good thing will happen to me today.
But luck isn’t on my side.
It lands on someone worse than Henry.
Ethan looks at me, his face blank.
I open my mouth, wanting to apologize…
But the words won’t come out.
I’ve said them far too many times today, anyway.
Maggie and Steve, however, cheer loudly.
Steve
Looks like it’s Ethan and Penny.
My legs feel heavy, as if I’m glued to the ground.
Ethan must feel that way, too…
Because he doesn’t move either.
But then he takes a deep breath, stands up, and heads toward the closet.
I feel a hand on my shoulder…
Maggie
You’ve been waiting for this moment forever!
Somehow, I stand and start walking toward where Ethan is now waiting.
I swear I hear Maggie and Steve high-five behind me.
At least someone is enjoying this.
Because I feel like I’m about to drown in nerves.
Ethan holds the closet door open for me, waiting for me to go inside first.
I walk by him without looking up…
Wondering how awkward seven minutes of silence will be.
Because I plan to keep my mouth shut.
No word vomiting this time.
Plus, I’ve learned by now that Ethan is a man of few words.
He’s basically my total opposite in every way.
Why I ever thought it would work between us is beyond me.
And awkward, just like I thought.
I reach around for a light…
And end up poking him in the eye.
I finally find the cord to turn the light on, and tug.
And when I see Ethan rubbing his eye…
My plan to stay silent goes out the window.
Penny
I would say sorry again…
Penny
But it’s pointless.
Penny
It’s probably only a matter of time until I somehow cripple you.
I groan and rub a hand down my face.
Penny
I’m usually not this accident-prone.
Penny
But today has just been next level.
Penny
You don’t have to say it.
Penny
I know you think I’m a total loser.
Penny
That I ruin everything I touch.
Penny
And let’s face it, you have every right to think that.
Ethan
That’s not it at all.
Ethan
I’ve been wanting to—
Penny
Please don’t be nice about this.
Penny
I don’t deserve it.
Penny
Not after everything I’ve done.
Penny
What you’ve been is patient, understanding, level-headed—
Penny
And I appreciate that.
Ethan looks a bit exasperated.
Ethan
Can I say something?
Penny
Sure, but don’t hold back.
Penny
Say what you need to say, I can take it.
He nods, then takes a deep breath.
I realize his cheeks are pink again.
In fact, now that I think about it…
He does seem a little fidgety…
Suddenly, I’m interested to hear what he has to say.
And my heart pools into a puddle at his feet.
Penny
You’re so freakin’ hot.
And his eyes widen a bit.
His cheeks turning from pink to red.
I watch it all happen in fascination.
Despite everything that’s happened…
I also realize I’ve gotten a lot of his smiles today.
Could there be a light at the end of this tunnel?
Ethan
Penny, I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while…
His voice is soft and gentle.
So much so that it almost puts me in a dream-like state.
So when a loud pounding on the door suddenly cuts him off…
I nearly jump out of my skin.
I turn toward the door, my knee going up…
At the same time Ethan moves.
And that’s how my knee ends up right in his crotch.
Ethan falls to the floor like a bag of bricks.
I watch in horror as he cups himself…
Groaning and writhing back and forth.
Maggie
You two having fun in there?!
I can’t get the words to come out.
They are meaningless at this point.
And there’s no going back.
Just like everyone always tells me.
Then, his next words nearly bring me to my knees.
Ethan
You’re such an idiot!
The insult slices me open.
There is definitely not light at the end of this tunnel.
To my horror, I feel tears form in my eyes.
This day has been too much.
I reach for the knob and yank open the door.
Steve and Maggie are on the other side, smiling…
But when they take a look at me and Ethan…
Maggie
What the heck happened?!
Steve
Hey, you okay, dude?
I just blink away my tears…
