Kim and Jacey are sitting side by side at pedicure stations, sipping cucumber water.
KIM
So you gonna tell me about the guy?
KIM
You were way late, and you’re wearing the same dress you had on last night.
KIM
Reeks of walk of shame.
KIM
And every time someone texts, you jump on your phone.
KIM
Which usually means you’re falling fast and about to make another mistake.
KIM
Wait. Tell me you’re not back with Chaz.
KIM
He was ADORABLE, don’t get me wrong.
KIM
But you need someone who can relate to you on an organic level.
KIM
Someone who understands the complications of dating a girl like you.
JACEY
Oh, I’m complicated now?
KIM
You know what I mean.
KIM
Your history is complicated, so you need a man to be simple and honest.
JACEY
There’s nothing simple about dating.
KIM
You need a guy who’s going to bypass all the usual games.
JACEY
That guy exists in this city?
KIM
I mean, I enjoy the game.
KIM
But after everything you’ve been through, you get down to what’s real right away.
KIM
We need to find you a guy who’ll lay it all out on the table and say,
KIM
This is the real me. This is the real you. Let’s give this a try.
JACEY
This is a real guy we’re talking about, right? Not a cartoon?
KIM
And what kind of guy hits on his girlfriend’s best friend the second it’s over?
KIM
Chaz. I told you that.
KIM
He asked me to dinner and drinks when I ran into him at that fruit market on Damon.
KIM
I could’ve sworn I told you.
KIM
I mean, it was less than twenty-four hours since he broke up with you.
KIM
So maybe I didn’t tell you because it was still so fresh.
JACEY
And the breakup came out of nowhere.
JACEY
I don’t care how good-looking a person is, they just don’t do that.
KIM
Well, he IS insanely good-looking.
JACEY
But out of curiosity…
JACEY
Is there anyone I’ve dated that you WOULD be interested in?
JACEY
Hypothetically, of course. Assuming no pact.
JACEY
I’m being serious, Kim.
JACEY
What if the perfect guy comes along, and you can’t date him because I saw him first?
KIM
If a guy dates you when he’s perfect for me, then he’s not as perfect as he seems.
KIM
No hypothesis necessary. Guys come and go. We come first.
KIM
Some guys actually TRY to get between friends, like “I did them both!”
KIM
As if we’re some sort of prize for them to win.
KIM
Then we’re pitted against each other as competition.
KIM
And in the end, the guy walks away anyway.
KIM
Men. They’re all about one thing.
JACEY
Maybe not ALL of them.
KIM
Are you going to see him tonight?
KIM
Let’s meet him for drinks.
KIM
What’s he like? Tell me.
JACEY
There’s nothing to tell. There’s no guy.
KIM
I know you. There is.
JACEY
It doesn’t matter. It’s over.
JACEY
It barely started, even.
JACEY
But I like everyone.
JACEY
I can’t tell someone’s a jerk until he’s proven it 800 different ways.
KIM
Let me meet him. If I agree with you, fine. Break it off.
JACEY
I already did. It’s for the best.
KIM
So you’re saying he’s less than adequate between the sheets.
KIM
Like that history teacher you dated for a while…What was his name?
JACEY
That was an awful experience.
KIM
God, if he could’ve found a way to rock your world, he might’ve been the one.
KIM
Did you sleep with him?
JACEY
If you must know, yes.
JACEY
And that’s all it was, and now it’s over.
KIM
Meaning that’s all he wanted?
JACEY
It was my decision, and I’m fine.
JACEY
I feel bad that I hurt him—
KIM
Whoa. YOU broke up with HIM?
Jacey’s phone rings; she grabs it before Kim can see it.
Kim takes the phone from Jacey’s hand.
KIM
His name is Hercules?
Hercules is the code name Jacey has given Ty.
Jacey snatches the phone back from Kim and sends the caller to voicemail.
KIM
A Roman god, huh? Sounds promising.
KIM
I don’t understand why, but…
JACEY
It’s over because I can’t go through another heartbreak right now.
JACEY
And I know that’s where this is heading.
KIM
It’s going to happen for you, you know.
KIM
You’re going to meet this amazing guy.
KIM
And he’s going to see all the incredible things that I see in you.
KIM
And he’s going to sweep you off your feet.
JACEY
I have zero faith in that possibility.
KIM
I’m telling you. I foresee it.
JACEY
How are things going with Russ?
KIM
You know who I keep thinking about lately?
KIM
Who I just can’t get out of my head?
Jacey reaches for her cucumber water.
KIM
I think I’m going to give him a call.
