They started chasing me and pelting me WITH STONES.
But, thank our dear lord Jesus, I got away.
They may be big and mean, but I am nimble.
It’s all that yoga my ancestors did
At first they were just throwing stones from a distance
But then they started walking toward me
And I freaked out and ran for it
And they literally started running after me!
I ran into the parking lot
zigzagged through the cars
Dove under Coach Tuttle's monster truck
and held my breath for dear life
I watched their feet as they looked for me close to the truck
And Teardrop Mama was just about to bend down and see me
Which is my favorite class, except for the fact that
Our English teacher - Ms B - likes to seat us in alphabetical order
Because that means that the girl who always ends up sitting directly in front of me is
Who smells like a dirty wet rag
I'm not trying to be mean
This is why I have no friends
Like, in theory, I should be friends with the other kids in my AP classes, right?
But I really just can't be friends with them
Because they're all FREAKS
It's not just smelly Clarise
That's Patricia - one of the hardcore nerds
I can already guess what she's going to ask me...
piouspatty
aren't you so excited for AP English this year?
piouspatty
the reading list looks scintillating!
piouspatty
I can't wait till we get to Little Women
piouspatty
it's one of my favorite books of all time
tazmania
yeah, I'm sure it'll be skintilating
piouspatty
so what are you up to this weekend?
tazmania
I might go to the football game Friday night
piouspatty
i don't really like football
piouspatty
i find the sport to be a bit barbaric
piouspatty
and those short skirts the cheerleaders wear are rather inappropriate!
piouspatty
don't you think?
tazmania
anyway, I'm going to pay attention to what Ms B is saying now
piouspatty
I wanted to ask you something
piouspatty
since you are free over the weekend
piouspatty
would you like to come to church with me Sunday morning?
piouspatty
but you said you're not busy!
piouspatty
oh okay. Well, next time then ☺️
piouspatty
Teresa, I just want you to know
piouspatty
that I pray for you
piouspatty
every Sunday at church, I pray for your salvation
tazmania
you really don't need to do that
piouspatty
I don't want you to go to hell
tazmania
I'm not too worried about it
piouspatty
that's what concerns me!
piouspatty
only those who believe in our Lord Jesus Christ will be saved
tazmania
that's why I'm not stressing
tazmania
I believe in Jesus
piouspatty
but I thought you were Hindi
tazmania
Hindi is a language (spoken by about half a billion people)
tazmania
Hinduism is the religion
tazmania
and yes, I am Hindu
tazmania
you can be Hindu and believe in Jesus
tazmania
we believe in lots of incarnations of the Divine
tazmania
like Lord Ganesha, the elephant god
tazmania
he represents wisdom
tazmania
we don't believe in hell
tazmania
so I wouldn't have to worry about rotting there regardless
tazmania
we believe in reincarnation
piouspatty
but Teresa, don't you think the idea that you will be born again after death, and live multiple lives, is kind of silly?
tazmania
not any sillier than hell
piouspatty
what do you mean?
tazmania
I mean that the idea of a supposedly benevolent god
piouspatty
you should always capitalize the name of God
tazmania
who would condemn more than half of humanity to burn in eternal damnation
piouspatty
they have a choice!
tazmania
just because they happen to call their god by a different name
piouspatty
there is only one true God
tazmania
makes no fucking sense
piouspatty
please watch your language!
tazmania
oh for god's sake!
piouspatty
don't use the Lord's name in vain!!!
Like, who doesn't watch football?
Anyway, I really should pay attention to Ms B
-- as in, Mandi from the Bitches --
just walked into AP English
In her navy blue cheerleading uniform
And sat down right next to me
Mandi Morris is taking AP English?
I must have died and gone to hell
everyone is literally staring at her
I'm starting to feel kind of bad for her actually
mandiland
your name is Tasmine right?
tazmania
you can call me Taz
mandiland
cool name Taz 😎
tazmania
you're taking AP English this year?
mandiland
don't sound so surprised 😏
tazmania
I've just never seen you in an AP before
mandiland
yeah it's a first for me
mandiland
but I have to do well in school this year
mandiland
so I can get a scholarship to Oklahoma State
mandiland
my parents can't afford to pay the tuition
mandiland
and I really want to get a degree so I can do better than them
mandiland
and leave this shit hole!
tazmania
you don't like it here either??
tazmania
but you're popular!
tazmania
and dating a football player
tazmania
your life is so perfect
mandiland
being popular can be pretty lonely
tazmania
what do you mean?
mandiland
anyway, I am actually kind of freaked about these APs
mandiland
especially Algebra ugh!
mandiland
math is so hard 😫
tazmania
it's not really that bad
mandiland
maybe not for you ms smarty pants 🙄
tazmania
I could help you with the homework
tazmania
I mean if you want
mandiland
umm yes please!
tazmania
wanna come over to my place after school today?
tazmania
we can do homework together
tazmania
maybe some other time then
mandiland
I forgot we have cheerleading tryouts this week
mandiland
for an alternate
mandiland
Grace was hospitalized
mandiland
did you hear about that?
tazmania
no I didn't know
tazmania
wow that's terrible
mandiland
yeah it's really sad
mandiland
I went to see her yesterday, and she looked awful
mandiland
her skin is all pale and bruised
tazmania
eating disorders give you bruises?
mandiland
anyway, we have to find a replacement for her now
tazmania
yeah that makes sense
mandiland
hey why don't you come!
tazmania
you want me to help you with homework at cheerleading tryouts?
mandiland
you should come try out for the squad!
tazmania
but don't you need like a special invitation to try out?
mandiland
I just gave you one 😌
mandiland
you need to be tapped by an existing cheerleader - that's me!
tazmania
I'll never make it though
mandiland
it's not Brit's decision
tazmania
but isn't she captain?
mandiland
the captain doesn't run tryouts
mandiland
the judges decide who makes the squad
mandiland
and it's based on how well you perform the tryout routine
mandiland
I bet you'll rock it
tazmania
how do you know?
mandiland
I've seen you in dance class
mandiland
you're pretty flexible
mandiland
and you have a great smile!
tazmania
what if I make a fool of myself?
mandiland
it wouldn't be the first time 😉
mandiland
seriously though
mandiland
just come and check out the first day and see if you like the tryout routine
mandiland
what do you have to lose?
Tap “Next Up” below to read Part 4…
