Grace
Did you get the invite?
Haley
Yeah, I can’t believe Cara and Ben are finally getting married!
Grace
I know. Took them long enough.
Grace
So, who are you bringing?
Grace
Didn’t you get a plus one?
Haley looks over the invitation, tracing her fingers against the hand-crafted calligraphy—
Cara certainly didn’t skimp on any details.
Sure enough, the envelope is addressed to Miss Haley Smart — plus one.
Grace
Of course you did — Cara gave them to all of her close friends.
Haley
I mean, it makes sense that you got one—
Haley
You and Bryce have been dating for almost as long as Cara and Ben have.
Haley
But I don’t get why I got one — Cara knows I’m chronically single.
Grace
That’s the whole point.
Haley
But the wedding’s in less than a month.
Haley
How am I supposed to magically procure a boyfriend in time?
Grace
Not a boyfriend, silly—
Grace
Just a plus-one. A date.
Grace
Someone to dance with.
Grace
Come on. It'll be fun!
Haley
Where would I even meet someone?
Grace
You cannot be serious.
Grace
If I hadn’t known you my entire life, I’d swear you were 80 years old.
Grace
You’ll meet a guy the same way everyone meets a guy these days—
Haley
That’s not how you met Bryce.
Grace
Bryce and I met because he tripped on my puke at a frat party.
Grace
Not exactly the most romantic story.
Haley
Hey, at least it’s a story.
Haley
What am I supposed to tell my future kids?
Haley
That I swiped right on their dad?
Grace
That’s what everyone else will be telling their kids!
Haley
Maybe you and Bryce were a bad example. But Cara and Ben—
Haley
They accidentally got each other’s mail.
Haley
And when they went to swap letters, they fell in love.
Grace
Sure, but their story is an exception, not the rule.
Grace
You can’t spend your whole life waiting for fate to kick in.
Grace
Sometimes you have to give it a little nudge in the right direction.
Haley looks back down at the invitation, and traces her finger along a calligraphy heart.
It *would* be nice to have someone to dance with—
Grace
You won’t regret this.
Haley
But I’m not downloading those apps.
Grace holds her phone up to the camera—
A dating app profile, with pictures of Haley, is on the screen.
Grace
I’ve already taken the liberty of uploading your five best pictures onto Swiprr.
Haley
You’ve been wanting to do this for a while now, haven’t you?
Grace
Girl — years. I’ve been waiting years.
Grace
Now we just fill out your profile.
Grace
What are you seeking?
Haley
A plus one for my friend’s wedding.
Grace
You can’t just say that.
Grace
Never say exactly what you mean.
Grace
There has to be an air of mystery.
Grace
“Seeking casual encounters — that could lead to more.”
Haley
“Casual encounters?”
Haley
Why don’t you just go ahead and say I’m looking for a one-night stand?
Grace
That means you *are* looking for a casual encounter that could lead to more.
Grace
What should I list as your profession?
Haley
The truth! Freelance dog walker!
Grace
I am not writing that.
Grace shoots Haley a look.
Haley
I love my job — I have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Haley
I get paid to pet dogs all day.
Haley
And if a guy doesn’t like that, then I don’t want him.
Grace
Okay, what about “pet care professional?”
Haley
You’re good at this.
Grace
My skills are so underutilized.
Haley
I don’t feel bad for you.
Haley
You have the perfect boyfriend.
Haley
So what if you don’t get to use the apps?
Haley
I’d trade a million swipes for a guy like Bryce—
Haley
He’s so dedicated to Cara.
Grace
We’ll find you a Ben.
Grace
But to find someone, you have to start looking.
Grace presses a button, and Haley’s first candidate pops up on screen.
Grace
Okay, first up we’ve got Hunter—
Grace
He’s five-foot-ten, muscular…
Haley
Can we read his profile?
Grace taps on the screen, but frowns.
Grace
His entire profile is just the eggplant emoji, followed by the poop emoji, followed by the eggplant emoji — over and over again?
Haley
Ew. What does that even mean?
Grace
And I don’t think I want to know.
Grace
Okay, this is good — we’re getting somewhere.
Grace
In order to find out what you like, we have to find out what you don’t like.
Haley
Well, I don’t like that combination of emoji.
Haley
I take emoji usage very seriously.
Grace
Okay, okay — next up we’ve got Carlos.
Grace holds the phone up to the screen, and Carlos comes into view.
His picture shows him smiling, sitting on a beach, his long hair tousled with sand.
Haley
I think that’s a deal breaker.
Haley
I don’t know how to swim!
Grace
Of course you know how to swim.
Haley
Don’t you remember Chase’s pool party in college?
Haley
I had to wear those water-wing things the whole time.
Haley
And even then, I still was grasping onto a pool noodle for dear life!
Haley
There’s no way I can keep up with Carlos.
Grace clicks on Carlos’ next picture—
This time Carlos is in the water, riding a wave—
With an adorable dog sitting on the back of his board.
Haley
I just don’t want to hold Carlos back.
Grace
You don’t know him.
Haley
Surfing is obviously his passion — who am I to stand in his way?
Grace
Okay, we’re obviously swiping right.
Haley
That means we’re rejecting him, right?
Haley
This is only going to end in embarrassment for me—
Haley
And heartbreak for Carlos.
Grace begins typing furiously on her phone.
Haley
What are you doing?
Haley
What are you typing?
Haley
Don’t hit send until you’ve told me what you wrote!
Grace
I said “Do you give swimming lessons?” followed by the winking emoji.
Haley
You truly are an artist.
Grace
Finally, someone who appreciates my craft.
Grace hits send, and her phone PINGS.
Haley
What does that sound mean?
Haley
Is that a bad sound?
Grace
No, it’s a good sound — you matched!
Grace
Now we wait for him to message back—
Grace’s phone pings again.
Haley
Tell me what he said—
Haley
Wait, no, don’t tell me.
Grace
It says “I don’t, but Charlie does.”
Haley
Is he trying to set me up with his friend?
Haley
Or, like, get me to date both of them?
Haley
Because I’m not into that.
Haley
Carlos, I’m so disappointed in you.
Grace
Wait, he’s typing something else…
Grace
“(Charlie’s my dog)”
Haley
That’s actually adorable.
Haley
Ask him what Charlie charges by the hour.
Grace
“His going rate is one milk bone, but since you’re cute he’ll settle for a belly rub and a date with his dad.”
Haley
I can’t believe this.
Haley
I think Carlos might actually be my soulmate?
Haley
Invite him to the wedding!
Grace
We can’t just ask the first guy you swipe right on.
Grace
We need to play the field! See what’s out there!
Haley
Tell Carlos to go rent a tux for Charlie.
Haley
We’re taking them both to the wedding.
Grace
Just humor me — one more swipe?
Grace
Carlos isn’t going anywhere.
Grace returns to the menu and swipes again—
But this time her eyes go wide.
Grace
You’re not going to believe this.
Haley
Is it a dick pic? Because I do believe it.
Haley
In fact, I’m surprised it took us this long to get one.
Haley
Ben like…Cara’s Ben?
Haley
There must be some kind of a mistake.
Haley
Maybe someone’s using his pictures?
Grace
“Ben. 25. Paralegal. Seeking discrete casual encounters, no strings attached.”
Haley
I can’t believe this.
Haley
Ben is the perfect boyfriend.
Haley
Not just boyfriend, fiancé!
Grace
Maybe he just seems perfect on the surface.
Grace
We don’t know what happens behind closed doors.
Haley
Should we tell Cara?
Grace
I just swiped right on him.
Haley
I can’t take Ben as a date to his own wedding!
Grace
I want to have all of the evidence before we go to Cara.
Haley
That makes sense, but—
Haley
You’re using my face!
Haley
Ben is going to think *I* swiped right on him.
Haley
He’s going to think I’m interested!
Haley
Why do I have to be quiet for that?
Haley looks back down at the invitation.
Suddenly, the sloping calligraphy doesn’t seem so perfect.
The hearts look trite — fake.
Grace
Okay, he sent a message—
Grace
“Please Haley, don’t tell Cara—”
Grace
“I can’t lose her.”
Haley
“Then you should have thought of that before you made a profile on Swiprr.”
Grace
“You try dating the same person for ten years.”
Grace
“I just want to see what’s out there before we settle down for good.”
Grace
“PS are you interested?”
Haley
Interested in what?!
Grace
Wait, he’s sending something—
Grace
Aaand it’s a dick pic.
Haley
We have to tell Cara.
Grace
She’s going to be so crushed.
Haley
Cara’s strong. She doesn’t need him.
Haley
Wouldn’t you want to know if Bryce was hitting on girls online?
Grace
Man, maybe you were right.
Grace
Online dating does really suck.
Haley
No, I kind of like it now.
Haley
I mean, there are parts of it that are bad, sure—
Haley
But people like Ben…they’ll find a way to be shady no matter what.
Grace
Wow. I guess that’s true.
Grace fiddles around with her phone.
Grace
Taking screenshots. To show Cara.
Haley
That’s a good idea.
Haley
We’ll call her together.
Grace
Sorry this took such a dark turn.
Haley
I’m glad we did this.
Haley
We saved Cara from a lifetime with a gross creep.
Haley
My only regret is that I won’t be able to take Carlos to the wedding.
Grace
So? You can still date Carlos.
Grace
What about surfing lessons with Charlie?
Haley
I guess that’s true.
Haley
I’ll text him later—
Haley
After we make sure Cara is okay.
Haley gets a video call from Grace.
Both girls are busy packing suitcases.
Haley
Hey, are you bringing sunscreen?
Haley
I’m not sure which SPF to bring.
Grace
I think they sell sunscreen in Hawaii.
Grace
Why don’t you just pick some up there?
Haley
I burn easily. This is just for the plane.
Grace
I can’t believe we’re all going to Hawaii.
Haley
Well, Cara’s honeymoon was non-refundable.
Haley
And we sure as hell weren’t going to let her go alone—
Haley
Or let that creep take the trip by himself.
Haley
He’d probably send his gross pics to the entire island.
Grace
I’m just glad she had the courage to end it—
Grace
Now she can focus on herself.
Haley
Yeah, she’s taken it all really well.
Haley
I guess she suspected he was cheating all along.
Haley
What was it that you said?
Haley
“You can’t spend your whole life waiting for fate to kick in. “
Haley
“Sometimes you have to give it a little nudge in the right direction.”
Grace
Not exactly what I meant when I said that, but…
Grace
I guess it does apply to Cara too.
Haley
Anyway, we’re gonna have a great time.
Haley
Carlos gave me some awesome recommendations on the island.
Grace
You sure you don’t want to bring him along?
Grace
I bet Cara wouldn’t mind.
Haley
First of all, this is a girls weekend.
Haley
We’ve only been dating a few weeks!
Haley
I’m not about to run off to Hawaii with the guy.
Grace
And Carlos gets that?
Haley
He thinks what we’re doing for Cara is great.
Haley
Plus, thanks to him, I’ll be able to catch some killer waves while we’re out there.
Grace
So Charlie’s lessons have been paying off?
Haley
He’s a good teacher. I think I can finally doggy paddle.
Haley
Actually, he asked me if I wanted to make things…official…
Haley
You know, before our trip.
Haley
And…I’m going to say yes.
Grace
Aw Haley, I’m so happy for you.
Grace
I guess we can delete your dating profile now.
Grace
You finally got your plus one.
