There’s an envelope in my mailbox.
Everyone knows what a big envelope means.
I just got accepted into college.
But I tear it open, just to be sure.
My fingers trace the bumps on the freshly pressed seal at the bottom of the letter.
I grab my cell phone to text the most important person in my life.
My love for him could fill the whole sky.
Tamara
I got into Stanford!! 🎉🎉
When Mark doesn’t answer, my heart drops.
He usually responds pretty quickly.
I know he might be upset that I’ll be going to college so far away…
But he’s my support system.
I want him to be happy for me.
Tamara
Please say something.
Tamara
Really? That’s all you got?
Mark
What? I’m raising the roof, Tamara.
Mark
That’s a good thing.
Tamara
No one says “raising the roof.”
Mark
Come on, what do you want me to say?
Mark
I’m celebrating with you.
Mark
It’s like, “double high five!” or “go team!”
Mark
I’m trying to be supportive here.
Tamara
You’re not upset that I’m going to be a 6 hour flight away from you?
Tamara
With a 3 hour time difference?
Tamara
And it’s not like you’re going to reverse your early acceptance into NYU.
Mark
You never asked me to, though, right?
Tamara
What’s that supposed to mean?
Mark
That we haven’t actually talked about this yet—
Mark
What we’d do if you got into Stanford.
Mark
I tried to bring it up a few times…
Tamara
I know. I said I didn’t want to talk about it.
Tamara
I said that would jinx it.
Tamara
But the truth is I was scared.
Tamara
And not necessarily about not getting in.
Tamara
It was more about what we’d do if I *did* get in.
Mark
Remember months ago, back when I was applying to NYU Early Decision?
Mark
You cheered me on. Even though it was your dream to go to school in California.
Mark
Because you knew I wanted NYU.
Mark
And you wanted me to live out my dreams.
Mark
Regardless of what yours looked like.
Tamara
I want you to be happy.
Mark
And I’m happy for you too.
Mark
Right now. I’m actually really happy.
Mark
You DID it. You’re also going to live out your dreams.
Tamara
Okay, so…does that mean this is over?
Mark
Wait, what? Are you breaking up with me?
Tamara
You just said we should each live out our dreams.
Tamara
And our dreams aren’t together anymore.
Tamara
They’re 3,000 miles apart.
Mark
What about the dream of us making it one day?
Mark
Like, together. As a couple.
Tamara
Mark, that’s not even a dance.
Tamara
Besides, if we REALLY want to be together…
Tamara
Then why would we go live apart?
Tamara
Shouldn’t we start the together part now, while we’re becoming adults?
Mark
Tamara, come on, we can figure this out.
Mark
Actually. Hold on, okay?
I stare at my phone, waiting for Mark’s reply.
I really want Mark to be here for me — for us — right now.
Especially now that I’m feeling so uneasy.
Isn’t that what boyfriends are for?
Suddenly, the sound of a peppy pop song trickles into my room.
Someone must be driving past with their windows open, blaring music.
Ugh, happy people. Am I right?
Worst of all, the happy jerk is definitely singing along with the lyrics.
And his voice is terrible.
It doesn’t even sound like singing — it sounds more like yelling.
I laugh to myself at the irony when I hear the refrain.
The song is “I’m Gonna Be” by the Proclaimers.
Song
And I would walk 500 miles
Song
And I would walk 500 more
Song
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
Song
To fall down at your door…
And then I look out my window and freeze.
Because I know the owner of that terrible, yelly voice.
My love for him could fill the whole sky.
I lean out the window and laughing, call out to him.
Tamara
What are you doing?!
Mark
I’m professing my undying love for you—
Mark
What does it look like?!
I laugh again, but it’s short-lived.
Mark
No. Don’t put on your pouty voice.
Mark
Come down here instead.
Mark
Let’s go for a ride.
Mark
You always say that long drives have the power to clear your head.
I nod. See what I’m talking about?
This guy is full-sky material.
I leave my house and slide into the front seat of his car.
I lean in and kiss him, and can feel it all the way down to my toes.
Mark
You look beautiful, by the way.
Tamara
Ooh! Can we go to the quarry?
I fiddle with the radio until I find something dreamy and quiet.
For a solid 15 minutes, Mark and I don’t say a single word to each other.
We don’t need to always speak when were together.
We hold the silences between us comfortably.
It’s as if we carry them with the same ease we have when we hold each other’s hands.
Out of nowhere, my stomach rumbles.
Mark
Good thing I predicted this moment.
I study him, eyebrow raised.
Mark
There’s Shake Shack in the back seat.
I’m so overwhelmed with joy that I raise both my hands in triumph.
Tamara
Oh my gosh, yes! That’s EXACTLY what I need right now.
Mark smiles at me expectantly.
Mark
You just became a human “raised hands” emoji.
Tamara
Ha! You’re right! I can’t believe I just did that.
Mark
It’s a thing that people do, Tamara.
Mark
That’s why the “raised hands” emoji exists.
Tamara
Huh, I always thought it was a religious thing. Like, “praise be,” or something.
Mark
So…I was stalking all your social media accounts before I came over.
I mock scoff at him, pretending it doesn’t warm my whole body to know he thinks of me.
Tamara
Ugh, you’re SO obsessed with me, you know that?
Tamara
Like, you’re making it REALLY obvious.
I start laughing hysterically, and Mark joins in with me.
His hands reach out to tickle me, to keep our laughter flowing…
Echoing against all the solid surfaces of the quarry.
Soon we’re gasping for breath.
On an exhale, Mark’s eyes become serious.
Mark
No, it’s just…I noticed something.
Mark
You haven’t posted anything yet. About Stanford?
Tamara
Oh, you know…I don’t like to brag about college stuff.
Mark
Is there another reason you don’t want to tell anyone?
Mark
I’m worried that you’re not ready to commit to the school.
I open my mouth to speak.
Mark puts his hand on my knee.
It’s warm and reassuring.
Mark
And I’m worried that the only thing keeping you back…
Mark
And I don’t want our relationship to hold you back.
I put my hand on his hand…
Trailing my fingers across the coarse hairs sprouting down by his wrist.
Once I look into Mark’s eyes I’m a goner.
They’re a light caramel shade of brown—
So clear that it feels like my mind has been scrubbed clean.
The truth hits me suddenly.
I AM holding back on my Stanford acceptance.
And it IS because of our relationship.
It’s because my love for Mark Johnson could fill the whole sky.
But is that really something I should be ashamed of?
I feel my eyes prickle with tears.
Mark surrounds me in a hug.
Mark
I love that you care about our relationship this much.
Mark
Because you KNOW I feel the same way.
Mark
I feel like my heart is going to burst every time I just look at you.
Tamara
You know, it doesn’t help when you’re adorable…
Mark
I need to say how I feel to show you that I’m always going to love you, Tamara.
Mark
You always have me here, holding you.
Mark
So go to Stanford, okay?
He presses the palm of his hand into my cheek.
And then trails his fingertips down to my chin, angling it up.
Mark
I’ll never forgive myself if our relationship is the reason you don’t go.
His fingertips trail lower…
Along the column of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.
And then his hand rests on my heart.
Mark
Right here — while you’re living out your dream.
Mark
We’ll make this thing between us work.
Mark
It’s too good not to work out in the long run.
I nod and wipe the tears from my eyes.
Mark
Now, I want to hear you say it.
Mark
Where are you going to college, Tamara Brown?
I stand up on the rock we're sitting on and throw my arms out wide.
Then I yell into the quarry.
Tamara
I’m going to Stanford! I got into Stanford University!!
Mark
Whoo-hoo! My girlfriend is going to Stanford!!
As our yells echo off the rocks, we start to dance.
With my arms out wide, the easiest movement is to bring them up high and raise the roof.
Mark does the dorky dance move along with me.
And soon enough, we’ve collapsed into another fit of laughter.
Sitting back on the rock now, Mark inches toward me.
He traces his fingers up and down my upper arm, whispering in my ear.
Mark
I’m so proud of you.
This time, I feel it everywhere—
Not just down to my toes.
His kiss is in every cell of my body, but also somehow…
It’s like the sensation of our kiss fills the whole sky.
My head fills with clouds and the warm sun…
And the only thing I can feel are his lips.
We kiss, we kiss, and we kiss.
Mark
Hey Tamara? I just realized something.
Mark
I think that 🙌 means something else too.
Mark
Yes, I’m raising the roof and celebrating with you.
Mark
Yes, I’m giving you a double high five and saying “go team.”
Mark
But when I send you 🙌, I’m also holding you in those hands.
Mark
I’m giving you a boost whenever you need it.
