Tanya
Hi! I made it! Puerto Vallarta is awesome.
Tanya
Oh my goodness. It’s so nice. Five Star hotels are Five Star Hotels for a reason. I only wish I could stay longer.
Shelly
How long is your biz trip?
Tanya
They’re just having me interview the founders of the conference and get out, so I’m just staying a measly two days!
Shelly
That’s too bad. Maybe call in sick? Stay an extra week?
Tanya
ha. ha. Yeah, right. We’ve had to make so many cuts in the newsroom that the whole place is pretty much run by me, Dan, and two other guys. They’d never forgive.
Shelly
You work too hard! Take a break little sis. Have some fun. Your kids are fine. Go to the spa, order some room service.
Tanya
You’re right. I know you’re right. But, you know, it’s my career and all. I DID choose this…
Shelly
Doesn’t mean you have to suffer. Take a night off and relax! Work tomorrow.
Tanya
After I prep a little for this interview, then yes.
Shelly
GIRL! You’re ready for the interview. Take a break for once.
Tanya
Fine, fine. I’m running a bath. You happy??
Shelly
Very. Enjoy chica! Ricky and Alexis say they miss their mommy and they’re having a good time and eating all the candy I can find.
Tanya
Ug. You’re paying the dentist bill then.
Tanya
Yo Shell! I wish I could send you a pic of this! Lap of luxury. Ordered room service and am now eating crab legs in a bathtub. Pretty nice!
Tanya
Doorbell ringing again? Maybe room service? Maybe I won something… I can only hope…
Tanya
You’re never gonna believe this - bottle of champagne! Sent from a secret admirer.
Tanya
Okay, that parts a little weird but whatevs I’m in Mexico! And it’s free. And I’ll take it. Luck be a lady!
Shelly
Hey sis sorry! I was putting the munchkins to bed. Let me catch up. Hold up, free champagne??? From a secret admirer? Damn! Does he have a brother?
Shelly
I’m booking the next flight down.
Tanya
Right? I’m thinking I might just skip the conference tomorrow…
Shelly
hahaha! Welcome to the dark side.
Shelly
If it’s a box of chocolates I’m going to slap myself.
Tanya
Roses!!! Red roses! Officially in love with a stranger/this country/this hotel/sell the kids I’m never coming home.
Shelly
You act like this is some weird occurrence but you were always the lucky one.
Shelly
No, I’m not. Everything was always so easy for you. Straight A’s without working, boys throwing themselves at your feet in high school, gorgeous, smart college boyfriend…
Tanya
Heart-wrenching divorce, single-motherhood, prematurely gray…stressed beyond belief! Are you forgetting those things???
Shelly
No, I’m not. You’ve had a rough time lately, but don’t forget that before that you had a pretty nice life.
Shelly
I know, I’m just saying you’ve been getting roses your whole life. Some of us are not so lucky.
Tanya
I’m sorry Shell. I didn’t know you felt like that.
Tanya
I’ll make it up to you when I get home. I’ll set you up with someone. Maybe one of the newsroom guys…
Shelly
Ew. They’re as busy as you and grungier. No thanks.
Tanya
Okay, fine. Well I’ll take you out for a nice meal then, if we can’t find a suitable suitor.
Shelly
That’s more like it.
Tanya
I hate to say this but… doorbell again!
Shelly
Oh my god… really?? New car?? What??
Shelly
Ooooh! Sexy. Sounds like someone’s asking you on a date and you better wear that dang dress.
Tanya
There’s a note this time. It says “Put it on...slowly.”
Tanya
That’s freaky, right?
Shelly
It’s a little freaky. Maybe something got lost in translation?
Tanya
Do you think someone could be watching me?
Shelly
Are the curtains closed? Did you meet anyone on the way in? Did anyone catch your eye? Act weird?
Tanya
Not that I can remember. I’m going to call room service and see if they can tell me who’s sending this stuff. And tell them to tell him (or her?) to stop.
Tanya
I’ve had enough fun for one night.
Shelly
Yeah it’s getting a little real.
Tanya
I’ll let you know what happens.
Tanya
Shelly, you there??
Shelly
Yes, what?? What’d they say??
Tanya
They said they were from the room NEXT DOOR TO MINE. I’ve filed a complaint and they’re giving me a new room. SOOOO freaky.
Shelly
Do you think he could’ve been looking through the wall? Through a hole or something??
Tanya
I hope not, but...maybe. I’m moving so it should be good now.
Shelly
Way to handle. Get on with your relaxing vacay and no creeps allowed!
Tanya
New room isn’t as nice, but oh well! View is still pretty beauteous! And the bed is huge! I’m ordering myself a milkshake and calling it a night!
Shelly
Really? A milkshake?? You’re too funny. Sleep well princess. I’ve gotta turn in so I can get your kids to their day camp in the morning. Should be interesting…
Tanya
They won’t give you any trouble. Hopefully. Night!
Tanya
Shelly. I just got my milkshake from room service.
Tanya
And it’s got a note attached. “Why did you change rooms?”
Tanya
I’m calling the police. Or the manager. Or something. I’m just...I’m scared. I can’t believe this is happening.
Shelly
I don’t know Tanya. What are they gonna say? Big deal! Someone’s sending you love notes through room service and you’re complaining??
Shelly
Sounds...I don’t know. I’m not sure they’ll be able to do anything.
Tanya
So you’re really telling me to do nothing?? To try and sleep this off??
Shelly
All I’m saying is you’re leaving in 2 days. Maybe just cool it, wait it out. Then come home?
Tanya
Leaving in 2 days, yeah, in a body bag!! No thank you!
Shelly
No need to be so dramatic.
Tanya
The doorbell’s ringing.
Tanya
Nope. I’m sick of this place. I’m sick of this whole country.
Shelly
Don’t be a baby and answer the door.
Tanya
It’s another note. I’m going to burn it.
Shelly
Just open it. It might be from that person you’re interviewing or whatever. Who knows.
Tanya
We both know it’s not. We both know someone’s spying on me wherever I go.
Shelly
What does it say???? The suspense is seriously killing me.
Tanya
It’s a box of chocolates.
Tanya
The note says, “You need to relax.”
Tanya
And on the other side it says, “And appreciate your sister.”
Shelly
What a crazy stalker this guy is. I’m starting to like him.
Tanya
Shelly you’ve been setting me up this WHOLE TIME.
Shelly
Well, I wasn’t going to keep going, but you were getting so scared. I couldn’t resist.
Tanya
You are SICK, you know that??? I can’t believe I left my children with you.
Shelly
I can’t believe you left at all, you so wound up!
Tanya
YOU…YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I DEAL WITH!
Shelly
I have problems too, perfect sister! Okay! But you wouldn’t know because we always talk about you!
Shelly
I bet you don’t even know I’m looking for a new job because I can’t get a promotion at this broken place!!
Tanya
I didn’t know that. You never told me.
Shelly
I usually can’t get a word in.
Tanya
I’m sorry girl. I appreciate you. I do. I’ve learned my lesson. I’m gonna cool it. Take things slower. Say thank you. Thank you.
Shelly
That’s all I wanted! And I knew you wouldn’t listen unless you were scared off your ass!
Shelly
The only weird bit was the roses. Didn’t send those.
Tanya
Now you’re messing with me.
Shelly
I’m being serious now. Seriously, didn’t send the roses. You think I can afford that??
Tanya
Doorbell’s ringing.
Tanya
It’s more roses! Room service guys says the note on the last bunch got lost. They’re from someone who reads my column. A fan.
Tanya
Looks like he’s just excited to meet me in person at the conference.
Shelly
So you DO have an admirer!
Tanya
Guess so! I’m surprised to say I’m a little relieved.
Shelly
You better get some beauty sleep.
Tanya
Don’t go playing any more games with me. My heart can’t take it.
Shelly
No more games. Happy vacation!
Tanya
I’m here for business.
