Sara
Mom, you have to help me!
Sara
I have a terrible crush on someone.
Mom
Honestly, Sara. I thought it was a medical emergency.
Sara
I’ve been hyperventilating because this guy is so cute.
Sara
And now I’m burning up because he knows I like him.
Mom
Now calm down and tell me who it is this time.
Sara
His name is Josh Barris.
Sara
He’s a tech support guy at work.
Sara
I met him when my hard drive melted down.
Sara
He’s SO knowledgeable about computers.
Sara
He knew exactly what was wrong and fixed it.
Sara
Now he’s all I can think about.
Sara
From the time I get up in the morning until the time I go to bed.
Sara
And I dream about him too.
Sara
All I can think about is Josh Josh JOSH!
Sara
I’m so lucky I’m still having problems with my computer.
Mom
Said no one ever until now.
Sara
Today his hand accidentally brushed against mine when he was adjusting my mouse.
Sara
And a vibration went all through my body.
Sara
But I tried to play it cool.
Mom
Then how does he know you like him?
Sara
Because after he left my cubicle today I looked up his Instagram account.
Sara
I clicked on a really hot picture of him at the gym.
Sara
And right then he came back with a cable he forgot to hook up for me.
Sara
He saw that I had a huge picture of HIM on my screen!
Sara
I can feel myself turning beet red just thinking about it!
Mom
What did he do when he saw that you were looking at his picture?
Sara
He smiled and blushed.
Sara
I shut down my computer in a panic.
Sara
And then we both pretended nothing happened.
Sara
So he must not like me.
Mom
Do you know if he has a girlfriend?
Sara
I did a little sniffing around and he doesn’t.
Mom
Then why don’t you do something about your crush?
Sara
What do you mean…do something?
Mom
I mean, ask this Josh fellow out on a date.
Sara
I can’t ask a guy out!
Mom
Would that be the end of the world?
Sara
Especially since he works here.
Sara
I’d have to quit my job if he said no.
Sara
I’m already embarrassed enough as it is.
Mom
You know that’s ridiculous.
Mom
Whether he says yes or no, he’ll be flattered.
Sara
Wait. Have YOU ever asked a guy out on a date?
Mom
Your father asked me out on our first date in college.
Mom
And you know I haven’t dated since the divorce.
Sara
Then you should talk!
Mom
Do as I say, not as I do.
Sara
Do YOU have a crush on anyone, Mom?
Sara
Why didn’t you tell me?
Mom
It’s one of the baristas at the coffee shop I go to.
Mom
He also plays bass in a jazz band.
Mom
He’s always joking around with me and shooting the breeze.
Mom
And he gives me an awful lot of free coffees.
Mom
It’s almost like he’s flirting with me.
Sara
It sounds like he IS flirting with you!
Mom
But he has to be 10 years younger than me.
Sara
Oooh. You know what that means?
Sara
Or are you a cougar?
Mom
I don’t know. As of yet, I’m neither.
Sara
Tell you what, Mom. Let’s make a pact.
Sara
If you ask this barista out — what’s his name?
Sara
If you ask Andrew out, I promise to ask Josh out.
Mom
But if he says no, I’m going to have to start going to a new coffee shop!
Sara
Mom, what did you just tell ME?
Sara
C’mon. Is it a deal?
Sara
Mom, he said yes!!!!!!!!
Sara
I asked him out for drinks after work tonight.
Sara
“To discuss RAM storage.”
Sara
I’m pretty sure he saw through that.
Mom
I’m glad you decided to do it.
Sara
Gotta get back to work now.
Sara
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Mom
How did your date go?
Sara
Josh is literally the most boring man on the planet.
Sara
All he talked about was computers!
Sara
Turns out my mentioning RAM storage was a real turn-on for him.
Sara
He droned on and on about it for twenty minutes.
Mom
I’m sorry he didn’t live up to your expectations, honey.
Sara
Looks aren’t everything, Mom.
Sara
By the end of the night, those big brown eyes were doing nothing for me.
Sara
And now I have a new problem.
Sara
He wants to see me again!
Sara
He came up to my desk first thing this morning.
Sara
And he asked me out for dinner for tonight.
Sara
I’m sure he wants to discuss some RAM details that he didn’t cover last night.
Sara
I told him I had plans.
Mom
It has to be flattering that he likes you, anyway.
Sara
Hey, can I come over to your place tonight?
Sara
Then it won’t be like I lied to him about having plans.
Sara
OMG, I totally forgot about our pact.
Sara
How could I have been so self-centered? I’m sorry.
Sara
So you asked him out?
Mom
Yes, I asked him out yesterday morning at the coffee shop.
Mom
I couldn’t believe he said yes!
Mom
We had a wonderful dinner.
Mom
We talked for three hours.
Mom
And we’re going out again tonight.
Mom
And he invited me to his jazz show this weekend.
Sara
I’m so happy for you, Mom!
Sara
It’s about time you started dating.
Mom
I’m glad you suggested that pact.
Sara
Even though MY crush was a bust.
Sara
Mom, can I come over tonight?
Mom
I’m afraid I have plans with Andrew.
Sara
You’re sure seeing a lot of him.
Mom
I’m just enjoying my time with him for now.
Sara
Mom, I really need to talk to you.
Sara
There’s this guy at work.
Sara
He works in marketing.
Sara
He literally makes my heart flutter.
Mom
And are his eyes big and brown?
Sara
As a matter of fact, they are.
Mom
Looks aren’t everything, you said.
Sara
Seth is witty and kind and brilliant.
Sara
This time is different, Mom.
Sara
But I’m going to make sure he doesn’t find out I like him for a long, long time.
Mom
Because you don’t want to risk being embarrassed?
Sara
No. Because I don’t want to risk being DISAPPOINTED.
Sara
And having a work crush is just so much FUN.
