I don’t know who Alex is texting…
But I have the sudden urge to crush his phone under my foot.
I slowly make my way toward him…
I start to realize something is off.
But tonight it’s combed down.
And his arms look weird too.
Did he get more muscles overnight?
I watch as he leans over and whispers something in the girl’s ear.
He glances at me one more time…
Then turns tail, disappearing down a side hallway.
For a moment, shock freezes me in place.
Right in time to see him run into a bathroom.
Just before the door closes…
I shove my foot in to stop it.
I’m in full-on Godzilla mode now.
Alex
No! I’ve got to use the bathroom!
Kylie
I’ll show you an emergency!
I shove with all my strength.
And manage to claw my way inside.
I’ve been too sick to eat all day…
So the struggle makes me lightheaded…
I slam the door closed behind me and lock it.
Then I turn to face him, head reared back.
My eyes snag on his shirt.
I’m just about to lay into him…
Alex has a tattoo on his bicep.
And the person in front of me does not.
The truth hits me like a brick to the head.
The boy standing in front of me isn’t Alex.
It must be his twin, Danny.
Is this just a misunderstanding??
He goes to another college nearby.
I’m just about to apologize…
But then “Alex” opens his mouth.
He backs away, toward the shower…
His eyes wide as saucers.
Alex
Sorry you had to find out like this.
Alex
I know this is seriously douchey.
Alex
Wanted to rip the Band-Aid off quickly.
The voice I’m hearing is low and deep.
Nothing like Alex’s higher pitch.
So if I wasn’t convinced it was Danny before…
Why would he be pretending??
The second truth of the night suddenly hits me.
I think back on a conversation I had with Alex a few weeks ago.
“Can’t ask for a better twin than Danny.”
“He sat in on an exam for me…”
“He took my driving test for me…”
“l mean, he even broke up with my first girlfriend for me.”
I start breathing heavily…
As the pieces are falling into place.
I know EXACTLY what’s going on here!
Alex is trying to break up with me!
And instead of being honest…
He’s having his brother do it!
He’s embarrassing me in front of everyone…
Just so I’LL take the hint and end things!
It’s just the sort of stupid plan Alex would come up with!
I walk over to the toilet seat and sit down.
I’m totally thrown off my game.
He’s probably wondering if I’m going to recognize him for what he is…
Danny
Listen Kylie, you’re much better off without me.
Danny
I’m not mature enough for a relationship.
Danny
You deserve someone better.
Put an end to this whole charade??
The answer comes to me instantly.
Mentally get myself into character.
Then I transform my expression into one of sadness.
Kylie
I think I know what brought this on, Alex.
Kylie
This is about what happened the other night…
I can feel Danny’s confusion.
He obviously has no idea what to say.
Kylie
It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
Kylie
There are pills you can take.
Kylie
Early-onset erectile dysfunction isn’t as rare as you think.
Kylie
And I’m sorry all the condoms I bought were too big.
Kylie
We can find your size!
Kylie
There has to be SOME company out there that makes them.
Danny’s eyes are so wide…
I’m half expecting them to roll out of his head.
I can barely contain my laughter.
So I put my face in my hands to hide it.
Then he clears his throat.
Danny
It’s uh…not because of that stuff.
Danny
I swear, it’s just because I’m not ready for a relationship.
His voice is rife with discomfort.
Danny
I think I should just go.
Danny
Okay? I’ll leave the party.
Danny
I’m really and truly sorry about this.
I stand up and start walking toward him.
Danny nearly falls into the shower trying to back away.
Kylie
Don’t go, muffin top.
Kylie
We’re not done talking about this.
I give him my most “passionate” stare.
Danny
There’s nothing left to say.
Danny
My answer is uh…not going to change.
Kylie
So you’re really set on this then?
Kylie
I really thought we were connecting, Alex.
Kylie
You know, emotionally.
I run a finger down the center of his chest.
Danny watches it like it’s on fire.
But when we both look up at the same time…
An unexpected bolt of energy passes between us.
I quickly pull my finger back.
Danny shakes his head for a second…
As if to clear his thoughts.
Danny
I’m not really an emotional guy.
Kylie
How can you say that??
Kylie
You cried in my arms last week.
Kylie
I thought it was so refreshing.
Kylie
Mufasa’s death still hits me hard, too.
Danny’s face contorts with a mix of shock and horror.
But I’m starting to get lightheaded again.
I close my eyes for a second…
Trying to blink away the fog.
Then I shake it off and turn back to Danny.
Kylie
Look, if you want to break up that’s fine.
Kylie
Can you do just one more thing for me?
Danny looks incredibly nervous.
But he must see the light at the end of the tunnel…
I run my tongue slowly over my lower lip.
Then I put my hands on his arms.
I can’t help but squeeze a little.
Danny is in MUCH better shape than Alex.
But muscles are not what’s important here…
So I push the thought from my mind.
Kylie
Just one more time.
Danny shakes his head immediately.
Danny
I don’t think that’s such a good idea.
Danny
I think we should just make a clean break.
I fist his t-shirt in both my hands.
Kylie
This break has been anything but clean.
Kylie
Wouldn’t you agree?
I use the leverage of my hands to slam his body flush with mine.
But he’s pressed to the wall at this point.
Kylie
You know you want to.
Danny blows out a choppy breath.
His eyes are glued to the ceiling.
He must be so uncomfortable right now.
I should be enjoying this…
But my vision is starting to get pretty blurry.
I feel like I’m losing my balance…
And I sway lightly on the spot.
Then Danny reaches out to steady me.
Genuine concern flashes in his eyes.
Not dealing with this crap.
Danny
Your face just went pale.
Danny
Maybe you should sit down.
This can’t be happening now!
Danny moves to guide me back over to the toilet seat.
Danny
Seriously, what’s wrong?
Danny
Did you drink too much?
Kylie
Why would you ask that, ALEX??
Kylie
You know I don’t drink.
I let accusation shine in mine.
But then my vision clouds.
And everything goes black.
