Missi
TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT
Missi
The night I meet my soul mate.
Ella
Oh right, speed dating.
Missi
It's called Elite Dating, actually. Because I am a career woman who doesn't have time for real dates.
Ella
Okay, good luck with that.
Missi
So you're coming over right??
Ella
Why would I do that?
Missi
I need you to approve my outfits.
Ella
You never like what I pick out.
Missi
pleeeeeeeeeeaseeeeeee
Ella
ok I would, but I have to study tonight.
Missi
Ew, med school sucks. You're never free!!
Ella
It's a good thing I met Josh in college. Definitely don't have time now, not even for speed dating.
Missi
Sure you're not sick of Josh yet?
Ella
I'm not doing speed dating with you.
Missi
Fine. At least stay by your phone so I can text you how it goes.
Ella
Of course. Keep me updated.
Missi
oh my god this is horrible!
Ella
What? Speed dating is horrible?? I had no idea!!
Missi
I do NOT need your sarcasm right now.
Ella
Sorry, sorry. What's horrible about it?
Missi
All these guys are super uggo.
Ella
That's why there’s an open bar!
Missi
Stoooooop! I need to be sober and focused on finding a man.
Ella
Hot guy just walk in?
Missi
Better: Josh just walked in.
Ella
maybe he just happens to be at the same bar.
Missi
He just picked up a nametag.
Ella
Make sure he doesn’t see you.
Missi
Ah, you want me to spy
Ella
Tell me EVERYTHING he does.
Missi
Ooooo-kay. He just ordered a drink.
Ella
But he hates martinis...
Missi
Apparently not. Okay it’s starting.
Missi
Speed dating! They’re explaining the rules. 2 minutes at each table. When the bell dings, the guys get up and move to the next table.
Missi
Okay. I’m seated, ready to go, looking hot. Can’t see Josh though.
Ella
Maybe he left? Realized he couldn’t go through with cheating on me?
Missi
Nope there he is! He was in the bathroom.
Missi
Ugh this first guy’s such a dud. I think he’s drooling.
Missi
Ew definitely drooling.
Missi
Talking to some blonde.
Ella
But he hates blondes...
Missi
DING oh thank god that’s over. This next one is a cutie...
Missi
False alarm. Something is wrong with his face, I just can’t figure it out.
Missi
Don’t worry, he’s with a super plain jane. Looks super bored.
Missi
DING DING DING this next one better be good.
Ella
Missi I don’t care how your dates are going!!
Missi
this guy says he’s a DJ. Okay bro, who isn’t these days? Loser.
Missi
Relax, Josh is next.
Ella
NEXT??? Missi, get out of there!!!
Missi
Nah, gotta confront him for the douchebag he is.
Ella
I don’t want him to know that I know
Missi
Ella. You’re at home studying your ass off to become a doctor, and he’s out here cheating on you.
Ella
Well, he hasn’t technically cheated yet…
Missi
ELLA come on!! This guy needs to know that he’s a horrible person for doing this to you!
Ella
Missi...I don’t know….
Missi
Too late, he spotted me.
Ella
Did he leave when he saw you?
Missi
Nope. We just made direct eye contact. He knows I’m next.
Missi
DING DING DING DING
Ella
Don’t be too hard on him
Ella
Actually on second thought, rip him to pieces
Ella
I mean you’re right! I’m working SO HARD in med school right now, and he’s just off playing, pretending to be working! Well, working my ass.
Ella
“Oh Ella, I’m gonna be out late tonight”
Ella
“Super tight deadline for this article”
Ella
“I’m a fancy schmancy lying piece of shit journalist!!!!”
Missi
Uh, Ella? You done?
Ella
Josh can go...contract the flu!
Missi
Contract the flu? That’s the worst you could come up with?
Ella
Well, I’m currently reading about flu symptoms…
Missi
Okay nerd, you wanna know why Josh is here?
Ella
He can tell it to the couch tonight!!
Ella
But actually yes I do want to know
Missi
He’s doing an article about speed dating.
Missi
Yeah. He even showed me an email from his editor.
Ella
Sooo... he’s not cheating on me?
Missi
Apparently not, chica.
Ella
I may have already thrown all of his clothes out the window…
Missi
WHAT? What’d you do that for??
Ella
Got a little carried away…
Missi
I told him I didn’t tell you!!
Missi
Yeah he thinks this is our little secret!!
Missi
MAYDAY! He said he’s gonna head home now because he misses you!!!!
Ella
Buy him a drink??? I’m going downstairs to grab everything!!!
Missi
He said he’s had one martini too many!!! I can’t stop him!!!
Ella
Tell him you love him!!
Ella
That’ll stop him from leaving!!
Missi
He’s super confused!! But now he REALLY wants to leave!
Ella
He STILL wants to leave??
Missi
Yeah he said this is weird, and that he needs to get home, that we’ll talk about this another time!
Ella
Don’t let him leave yet! I’ve gotta throw his stuff in the wash, it’s covered in mud from the rain earlier!
Ella
I don’t know, what would you do with any other guy??
Missi
I KISSED HIM. ON THE MOUTH. EW.
Ella
You KISSED my boyfriend???
Missi
You said to do what I’d normally do to keep a guy around!!!
Ella
I didn’t mean that!!
Ella
I can’t believe you kissed him!!!!
Missi
It didn’t mean anything, I’m trying to help you!!!
Missi
Oh no, he’s calling you.
Ella
Yeah he’s super weirded out by you now!
Missi
Well, did you get his clothes in the wash?
Missi
yeesh well then mission accomplished.
Ella
But Josh never wants to see you again.
Missi
Ugh you’re welcome at least. FOR SAVING YOUR ASS.
Ella
Thank you. You’re a true friend. Even though you made out with my bf.
Missi
We didn’t make out!!! It was just a kiss, a desperate one.
Ella
I can’t believe this happened.
Missi
I hate speed dating.
