Cal
Well, this is awkward — when a dating app pairs you with…
Jenn
I did NOT mean to swipe right on you. I don’t know what happened!
Cal
Me neither. Must be a glitch. Or maybe…
Cal
The dating app gods are at work.
Jenn
Haha, maybe. So how are you? I mean…since…
Cal
Since my soulmate walked out of my life nearly a year ago?
Jenn
Cal, I’m sorry. Ugh.
Cal
It’s okay. I’m good, actually. Doing the usual…
Jenn
Saving kids with cancer?
Cal
Trying 🙂 How are you? How’s San Francisco?
Jenn
Foggy. And all the guys here have mega beards and dress like they’re in a barber shop quartet.
Cal
Told you it was the hipster capital of the world.
Jenn
I thought that was Brooklyn. Speaking of…how’s NYC?
Cal
I wouldn’t know. I moved a few months ago.
Cal
I’m heading up the pediatrics department at St. Mary’s Hospital in SF.
Jenn
You’re here?! IN San Francisco?!
Jenn
Why didn’t you hit me up when you got here?
Cal
Because you broke up with me?
Jenn
Oh, yeah. Right. I’m a jerk.
Cal
You’re just a free-love, won’t settle now or maybe ever type. You’re an independent soul.
Cal
That’s why I didn’t contact you — because I was respecting your wishes.
Cal
But I think we crushed your dad’s dream of us getting back together 😊
Cal
He still texts me, btw.
Cal
Don’t be sorry. Your dad’s awesome, haha.
Cal
When I moved, I flew through Chicago. He took me out to dinner.
Jenn
OMG, DAD! He needs to get over his bromance.
Cal
But I love your dad! He’s the best. And you know I don’t mind that he semi-adopted me when my dad died.
Cal
Anyway, you should text him. He probably would love to hear from you.
Jenn
I bet he would. He still tells me I made a mistake breaking up with you.
Cal
Well, I mean, you did. But, that’s okay — they’re not mistakes if you learn from them.
Jenn
Uh-oh, you’re starting to sound like my dad too…
Jenn
Next, you’ll be saying you’re #Blessed.
Cal
Oh, I’m clearly #Blessed. I make a good salary at St. Mary’s—
Cal
AND they cover my membership at the gym next door to the hospital.
Jenn
But you hate the gym!
Cal
Used to. But then I realized you were right — I’d let myself go.
Cal
So, I decided to get back in shape. Selena helped me.
Cal
Only the best personal trainer ever.
Cal sends her picture of very sexy, scantily clad trainer.
Jenn
Wow. She’s…in shape. Geez.
Cal
She’s very dedicated to her work, thankfully—
Cal
Because she had her work cut out for her with me. I lost twenty pounds!
Jenn
Oh, I was gonna say…you look fantastic in your profile pic! Good for you.
Jenn
You’ve got a lot of muscles.
Cal
They’re easier to see now that there isn’t so much fat.
Cal
Just a big boned man who loves Doritos. You have a great pic too—
Cal
I like the new hair. Blond looks great on you.
Cal
I always said you were the most beautiful girl in the world, and you keep proving me right 🙂
Jenn
And you being the nicest ex-boyfriend in the world makes me feel terrible. Is that the plan?
Jenn
Wanna hear a weird coincidence?
Jenn
Last time I was home, Dad showed me a binder that had HIS wedding plans for us in it.
Jenn
How ridiculous is that? I can’t believe he presumed so much!
Cal
I don’t think it’s ridiculous. I mean, I did seek his blessing to ask you to marry me.
Cal
I was going to propose…
Cal
Before you…broke up with me and moved to SF.
Cal
I got a ring. Your dad helped me pick it out.
Cal
Well, it’s kind of a moot point now. Besides, who wants to get married?
Cal
Who needs to be tied down to one person forever, right?
Cal
You did and you were totally right. You…and Selena changed my mind.
Jenn
Wait — you’re DATING your personal trainer?!
Cal
Dating is a label, and I’m not sure I believe in labels anymore…
Cal
Anyway, it’s just a casual thing. No strings. No commitment.
Jenn
I thought you were the Relationship Guy.
Jenn
She’s…gorgeous. Like, model-gorgeous.
Jenn
Seriously? She’s like three dress sizes smaller than me and has Michelle Obama arms!
Cal
Maybe. Regardless, “we can’t just marry the first person we fall in love with! That’s just asking for divorce.”
Jenn
I said that, didn’t I?
Jenn
Are you still mad at me?
Cal
I was never mad at you, Jenn. Never.
Jenn
You were really going to propose?
Cal
Yes, but that’s not what you wanted. I want you to have what you want.
Jenn
Maybe I don’t know what I want.
Cal
Come on, I bet you have tons of suitors on Spark.
Jenn
Not that many. Most of them are creepy dudes with neck beards who don’t have jobs.
Jenn
How about you? Lots of psychotic women with daddy issues?
Cal
No. The women I meet are usually pretty nice.
Cal
Listen, I’ve taken up enough of your Saturday. I should let you go—
Cal
Besides, I need to go make rounds.
Jenn
Maybe we should grab a pizza?
Jenn
I mean, the dating app gods DID hook us up. We shouldn’t anger them.
Cal
Well, who doesn’t love pizza?
Jenn
That’s what I’m saying!
Cal
I don’t know. Should we get your dad’s hopes up like this?
Cal
If he finds out we shared a meal…
Cal
He might get his wedding binder out.
Jenn
Haha, you better not be blowing me off because of my dad. You free tonight?
Jenn
Ugh, I’m an idiot. You have a date.
Jenn
TWO! WTF?! Is one with Selena?
Jenn
How many girls are you…wait, never mind. I don’t want to know.
Jenn
NO! No, don’t do that—
Jenn
I don’t want to cramp your style, Cassanova.
Jenn
Only if you’re not all booked up.
Cal
I only have a coffee date tomorrow. I’ll cancel it.
Jenn
OMG? For real? I was kidding.
Cal
Me too. Kind of. So? Pizza?
