Tiffany grins as Erin comes back into the living room.
Tiffany
How was your playtime with Mister Wonderful?
Erin
What makes you think we were playing?
Tiffany
Oh, I don’t know.
Tiffany
The moaning noises—
Tiffany
Whatever you say.
Tiffany
If you’re finished playing with your new toy…
Tiffany
It’s time for us to pack up and catch our flight back to Seattle.
Tiffany
Our wild weekend is over.
Tiffany
And don’t forget…
Tiffany
You have Charlie waiting for you at home.
Erin
Thanks for the reminder.
Tiffany
It’s not too late to give me the hottie on your phone!
Erin
Besides, he’s not real.
Erin
He’s just a guy who met some other girl in a bar one night.
Tiffany
But he DID make you howl like a monkey.
Tiffany
That’s got to count for something.
Erin
You said it yourself.
Erin
We can’t actually meet.
Erin
The phone is all we can have.
Tiffany
Unless you fess up.
Erin
And possibly ruin everything?
Erin
That is not going to happen.
Erin couldn’t chance losing him.
Not after what they shared.
But how on earth was she going to make this work?
Five hours later, Erin and Tiffany arrive at SeaTac Airport.
Tiffany glances around baggage claim.
Tiffany
I don’t see Kimmy.
Tiffany
What color did you say her hair is these days?
Erin
Who knows? She was thinking about going bubblegum pink when I left.
Tiffany
Honestly, the teal was my favorite.
Tiffany
It’s funny. For sisters, you sure are different.
Tiffany
You’re a stick in the mud.
Tiffany
She’s a wild child.
Erin
I am not a stick in the mud!
Tiffany
You are. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
Erin
Partying my short-term memory away in Vegas?
Erin
Dirty texting a complete stranger?
Tiffany
That doesn’t count.
Tiffany
I know you — you’re just going to get home…
Tiffany
And just slip back into your SAFE life with Charlie.
Tiffany
Isn’t it? I’ve known you for years. You do it every time.
Tiffany
Nest whenever you’re in a relationship.
Tiffany
Even when you realize the guy’s not right for you, you stay.
Tiffany
You need to be loyal to yourself.
Erin
Things are okay with Charlie. He’s a good guy.
Tiffany
Do you hear yourself? Things are OKAY?
Tiffany
You deserve better than okay.
Erin
Oh look. There she is. Kimmy! Here!
Kimmy races over and everyone hugs.
Erin
We had a little fun.
Tiffany
Aren’t you gonna tell Kimmy about your new boyfriend?
Kimmy
New boyfriend? You better spill.
Tiffany
But he texted her thinking he was texting someone else.
Tiffany
Yeah, she’s SO uninterested in him…
Tiffany
She won’t even give me his number.
Tiffany
Some kind of friend.
Kimmy
Does this mean we’re dumping Charlie?
Tiffany
Is that a hint of hope I hear in your voice?
Kimmy
You know how much I LOVE Charlie.
Kimmy
Oh, and speaking of him…
Kimmy
He’s been calling the house.
Erin
What? Why? He knew when I was getting back in.
Tiffany
And notice how he rushed to the airport to pick you up.
Tiffany
I bet Ab-Man would have come to pick you up.
Tiffany
The phone hottie?
Kimmy
How do you know he has abs?
Erin
I’m not showing her.
Tiffany
Worried she’ll want him too?
Tiffany turns to Kimmy, winking.
Tiffany
You can wait til she’s asleep and then steal her phone.
Erin
Stop it. Just stop it.
Erin’s phone buzzes. It’s Charlie.
Tiffany
You going to answer that?
Tiffany
Or should we pretend we missed his call…
Tiffany
And go eat clam chowder on the pier instead?
Erin hesitates, but only for a second.
She’s not ready to face Charlie yet…
Or deal with the sinking suspicion that Kimmy and Tiffany might be right.
It might be time to reevaluate…everything.
Erin
Let’s go to the pier.
The friends enjoy a lovely, simple dinner overlooking Elliott Bay.
They focus only on their laughter and there’s no talk of real or imaginary men.
Kimmy
The sunset’s beautiful, isn’t it?
Tiffany
I’m pretty sure she was talking about the wine.
Erin
The sunset’s pretty too.
Erin’s phone buzzes — again.
She checks it and turns it over.
Kimmy
Why are you still with him?
Kimmy
Because you’re my sister.
Kimmy
And every time he calls you, you look…
Tiffany
Of course she’s disappointed. It’s not Ab-Man.
Kimmy
See what I mean? You should be with someone else.
Erin
Charlie makes me happy.
Kimmy reaches across the table to squeeze her sister’s hand.
Kimmy
Someone who makes you ACTUALLY happy.
Kimmy
You act like a Stepford wife when you’re with him.
Tiffany
More like Children of the Corn.
Tiffany
Silent and staring.
Kimmy
I disagree. The Children of the Corn don’t smile.
Kimmy
Yes, but it’s that fake, god-it-hurts-so-much-to-move-my-lips kind of smile.
Tiffany
I still like the Children of the Corn reference—
Kimmy
Point is, I never see you laugh with Charlie.
Erin
I do so laugh with Charlie.
Kimmy
Last Thanksgiving, you made a hilarious joke about the stuffing.
Kimmy
And he just stared at you like you were speaking Klingon.
Erin
Maybe it wasn’t a funny joke.
Kimmy
It was hilarious. Everyone laughed.
Kimmy
He just sent you THE LOOK.
Kimmy
And you instantly sobered after that.
Tiffany
I’ve been noticing that too.
Erin
What are you talking about?
Tiffany
You’re…squelching yourself. For him.
Surely that wasn’t why she felt a tightening band around her chest whenever she thought of Charlie.
Kimmy
Whether you admit it or not, since you’ve been with him, you don’t seem happy.
Tiffany
You haven’t seemed happy for a while.
Erin takes a swig of wine to hide her frown.
The truth was, she wasn’t happy.
Certainly, not as elated as Will had made her feel in just a few texts.
Tiffany
I think the problem is…
Erin
I’m sitting right here.
Kimmy
She IS too loyal. Always has been.
Kimmy
She feels she shouldn’t criticize her boyfriends.
Tiffany
And where’s the fun in that?
Kimmy
It took her forever to lose Tom Montague.
Kimmy
Please. Tom was wrong for you too.
Tiffany
A guy can be plenty nice, and still suck out your soul.
Kimmy
And face it. You have a radar for those kinds of guys.
Kimmy
And then you hold on to them way too long.
Kimmy
Ask yourself, why are you still with Charlie?
Tiffany
Is it only because it’s comfortable?
Erin
Will you two shut up?
Kimmy
It’s time for you to find someone who’s right for you.
Kimmy
How about your new boyfriend?
Erin
I said he’s not my boyfriend!
Tiffany
I bet he wants to be.
Erin
Guys, this is ridiculous. How do we even know he’s right for me?
Erin
I’ve never even met the guy.
Kimmy
He did text like he promised.
Erin
Besides, he didn’t text me.
Erin
Or at least he didn’t know he was texting me.
Erin
He texted some other random chick…
Erin
Some chick he THINKS is me.
Tiffany
He’s probably not nice at all.
Tiffany
Come on. It’s not like it’ll work out with him.
Tiffany
She didn’t tell him it was a wrong number.
Tiffany
When they meet in person, he’ll be pissed.
Kimmy
Not if she tells him now.
Erin
When he sees I’m not this gorgeous nymph…
Erin
He’ll drop me like a hot potato.
Kimmy
But Erin, what if he doesn’t?
Kimmy
What if he doesn’t dump you?
Kimmy
What if he IS the perfect guy for you?
Erin
Don’t be silly. What are the chances of that?
Kimmy
You know about me and my feelings.
Kimmy
Take my advice — tell the guy the truth.
Kimmy
Honestly, what do you have to lose?
