Gram
Rosie darling, you busy?
Rose tries not to sigh into the phone.
She looks at the clutter of papers before her.
Her dissertation on the dating habits of Millennials is due this week.
But even still, her grandmother comes first.
Rose
Never too busy for you!
Gram
Just run over here as quickly as you can!
Ever since her grandfather died, Rose has worried about calls like this.
Her grandmother lives alone in an apartment.
Anything could happen to her.
So Rose throws on her jacket and runs out the door.
Panting, Rose arrives at her grandmother’s.
She rings the doorbell repeatedly.
She hears the shuffling of tiny feet as Gram struggles to unlock the deadbolt.
Rose bends down, allowing her grandmother to kiss her cheek.
Rose
Well, you told me to run over and sounded kinda frantic.
Gram
You must’ve been worried sick—
Rose
You’re 88 years old…
Rose
And you refuse to let us get you help.
Gram
Don’t give me grief!
Gram
I don’t need a babysitter—
Gram
I’m sharper than ever!
Rose
So, what’d you need?
Rose
Why’d you need me to run over?
Gram licks her hand and reaches up to smooth Rose’s frizzy hair.
Gram
You’re such a good girl—
Gram
That’s what I told him.
Gram
You’re a sweet, beautiful girl, always looking after her Granny!
Gram scrunches her nose and inspects Rose.
Then she tugs at her shirt to straighten it.
Gram seems very concerned with Rose’s appearance.
Which is strange, given the emergency she’s concocted.
Rose
Who were you saying this to?
Gram
Jim’s the sweet boy I met.
Rose
Since when are you meeting boys?
Gram gently slaps Rose on the wrist.
Gram
Don’t say it like that—
Gram
I was just sitting here in the apartment, minding my own business…
Gram
When the doorbell rang.
Gram
I opened the door and there was this handsome boy holding an envelope.
Rose
A random guy came to your door??
Gram
He was such a looker — I thought he was with Publishers Clearing House!
Gram
Apparently, he lives in the apartment above me.
Gram
They left my mail in his mailbox. It was the darndest thing!
Gram
He came to return it.
Rose
That was nice of him.
Gram
Well, I said he was a sweet boy.
Gram
And, did I tell you?
Gram
He’s quite the looker!
Rose
So, did you call me over just to tell me about him?
Some emergency — she could be revising her thesis now!
Gram
I want you to meet him.
Gram
I know you have trouble with men.
They both know she is lying.
Rose is way more comfortable studying dating than doing it herself.
Gram
Who said anything about people — I’m talking about a boy!
Gram
You haven’t brought anyone over since…what’s his face?
Paul broke up with her a year ago.
And they dated for 3 years.
So Rose feels like she deserves at least another 6 months of wallowing.
Gram
In fact, I think you should meet Jim!
Gram
Are you free right now?
Rose
Gram, I’m not gonna meet him now—
Gram
Because he’s sitting in the living room.
Gram raises her eyebrows.
A mischievous smile stretches across her face.
Rose lowers her voice, continuing in an exasperated whisper.
Rose
He’s been here the whole time??
Gram
That’s why I asked you to rush.
Rose
Can you see how crazy this is?
Gram
Rosie, will you stop dawdling…
Rose rolls her eyes as Gram drags her into the living room.
Sitting on the couch with an old photo album is a guy in his early twenties.
He has sandy blonde hair and warm brown eyes.
Jim
You must be the famous Rose.
Jim
I’d introduce myself, but I’ve a feeling your grandmother already did.
Rose tries to chuckle, but no sound comes out.
She can’t stop looking at him.
His high cheekbones and angular jawline make a striking impression.
Gram whispers in Rose’s ear…
Gram
See, what’d I tell you?
Jim extends his hand to Rose.
She reaches to shake it, but her grandmother smacks her hand away.
Gram
Rosie, why so formal?
Gram
You know we’re huggers.
Jim smiles, revealing his dimples.
Jim
I wouldn’t mind a hug…
Rose
Jim, it’s lovely to meet you, but no need for a hug…
Jim
Your grandmother told me so much about you — I think a hug’s in order.
Gram nudges Rose, forcing an awkward hug.
Gram
Well, now that you’re properly acquainted, I’ll give you two some privacy.
Before they can respond, Gram shuffles out the door.
Rose and Jim look up at each other, smile, then look down at their feet.
Rose knows she should say something to break the silence.
If only she had her grandmother’s confidence!
Gram could talk to anyone.
Why hadn’t Rose gotten that gene?
Her shyness usually got in the way of meeting people.
Jim
Your grandmother’s a real character.
Rose
I’m sorry she held you hostage!
Jim
I let her lure me in with tea and cookies.
Rose
She may have baited you, but you really don’t have to stay.
Jim
Being held captive with a beautiful girl has its perks.
Rose
You know, Gram is very particular.
Rose
She only imprisons attractive specimens.
Jim
So, I’m a specimen now…
Jim
Will I be subjected to testing?
Rose
I think you already have been.
Jim cocks his head, thinking for a minute.
And then he smiles, pointing down to a photo in the album.
Jim
Then I deserve to know why you put approximately 87 barrettes in your hair for this picture.
And the story flows out of her easily.
They chat for a while, exchanging awkward family stories.
After about an hour, Jim stops.
His lighthearted expression turns pensive as he leans closer to Rose.
Jim
Wanna go out sometime?
Rose sighs and shakes her head.
Rose
My grandmother means well—
Rose
I think the word’s incorrigible—
Rose
But, please don’t let her bully you into asking me out.
Jim
First she’s my captor, now my bully?
Jim
You don’t think I could take her?
Rose
You know what I mean.
Jim
I do, and you’re wrong.
Jim
Your grandmother may be insistent, but she’s pretty good at advertising you.
Jim
It’s true! I know you drop everything to help her when she calls…
Jim
And that you hold grudges but forgive when asked…
Jim nudges her with his shoulder.
Jim
I also know that you sleep like a rock, but are friendly when woken.
Rose
How much did she tell you?
Jim
Well, it wasn’t just what she told me.
Jim
Now that I’ve met you, I know that you’re funny and beautiful…
Rose feels her cheeks growing warm again.
Rose
You may think you know me, but I still know little about you.
Jim
But dating is how we get to know each other.
Jim
Look, I’ll make you a deal.
Jim
Agree to go out with me…
Jim
And, I’ll bring you to my Nana’s house for our first date.
Rose
You’d subject yourself to that kind of embarrassment?
Rose
You sure Gram didn’t threaten you?
Jim
But, as we’ve established — I can take her!
From the other room, Gram calls out…
Gram
Rosie, I’m not getting any younger over here…
Gram
Would ya say yes already??
Rose thinks for a second.
Rose
But only if I get 10 minutes alone with your Nana before our date.
