Jen
You’ve got some explaining to do, Mom.
Mom
What are you talking about?
Jen
I got one of those DNA tests done.
Jen
You know, the kind that tells you what your ancestry is?
Jen
I just got the results back.
Mom
Why didn’t you tell me you were going to do that?
Mom
What did the test say?
Jen
Not what I was expecting.
Jen
And that’s an understatement.
Mom
I didn’t think it was possible…
Mom
Where are you right now?
Mom
I’m going to take off work early.
Jen
Mom, who is my real father?
Mom
Your real father is Hal. He always has been.
Jen
No, Mom. That can’t be true.
Mom
It is true. But we’ll talk about it when I get there.
Jen
Okay. I’ll be waiting.
One hour later, Jen’s mom arrives home, looking distraught.
Her coat is hanging down weirdly.
She hasn’t buttoned it right.
Jen starts at the sight of her mother.
Does she really want to hear this?
Jen
But Hal is almost 100 percent Irish.
Mom
Yes, that’s true, honey.
Jen
Well, my DNA test came back with about 40 percent Irish genes.
Jen
And the rest is Italian and Russian!
Jen
How do you explain that, Mom?
Mom
But I think we’d better sit down first.
She leads Jen to the sofa and the two sit down next to each other.
Jen’s mom takes a deep breath.
Mom
This is going to be so hard.
Mom
But before I tell you the story, I want you to promise never to tell Hal about this.
Jen stares at her mother.
Jen
How can I do that when I don’t know what the story is?
Jen’s mom is silent for a few moments.
She takes another deep breath, and sighs.
Mom
I guess you’re right.
Mom
You’ll have to decide what to do after I tell you what happened.
Jen looks at her mom expectantly.
Her mom can’t bring herself to look in Jen’s eyes as she begins speaking.
Mom
Right after I got married, I was having trouble adjusting.
Mom
I’d lost my job and I was bored.
Mom
I didn’t know what to do with my life.
Mom
And I got so depressed.
Mom
He encouraged me to get involved in the community.
Mom
I joined a local community theater.
Mom
I got the lead in one of the plays.
Mom
As Shakespeare’s Cleopatra.
Mom
The director was so handsome and charismatic.
Mom
He brought something out in me that I didn’t know I had.
Mom
And I ended up having an affair with him.
Mom
Well, not really an affair.
Mom
It was just one night, after the last show.
Mom
We had been drinking.
Jen’s mom finally looks at her.
She has tears in her eyes.
Mom
I’m so ashamed of myself, to this day.
Jen
That man, that director…
Jen
He’s my biological father?
Mom
I never knew for sure.
Mom
But Hal and I have never been able to have any other children.
Mom
And so I always wondered…
Jen turns away as she processes this information.
Then her anger at her mother gives way to…curiosity.
She faces her mother again.
Jen
Who is he? What’s his name?
Jen
Who is my real father?
Mom
His name is Mark Marino.
Jen
My high school drama teacher is Mark Marino.
Jen’s mom looks down at her hands.
Jen
Mr. Marino the drama teacher is my FATHER?!
Mom
I wasn’t sure until now. But now that you’ve done the test…
Jen
A lot of the girls at school have crushes on him!
Jen
And I think some of the teachers do too.
Mom
He does have a way about him.
Mom
Maybe you can see why I fell for him.
Jen
I guess so. But you were married!
Mom
I know. I regret it to this day.
Mom
Except I also don’t. Because it means I have you.
Jen
Oh wow. This is too much to take in.
Mom
Can you forgive me? It was just once, I swear.
Mom
I never did anything like that again.
Mom
It was an early bump in the marriage.
Mom
And Mark was so…dashing.
Mom
He swept me off my feet, I guess you could say.
Jen looks at her mother and melts.
Jen
Oh Mom, of course I forgive you.
Jen
I mean, I wouldn’t even exist if it hadn’t happened.
Just then, the front door opens and Hal comes in.
He smiles at his wife and Jen, and then frowns a little.
Hal
Hey, why the long faces?
Hal
You look like you both just came from a funeral.
Jen’s mom, facing away from Hal, gives her daughter a beseeching look.
Jen turns and smiles at Hal.
Jen
No, Dad. Nothing’s wrong. We were just talking.
The next day, Jen skips her algebra class.
She walks by Mr. Marino’s classroom and looks in the door while he’s teaching.
Yes, she has his nose, she thinks.
As she tries to wrap her mind around that fact, he turns and sees her staring at him.
The next day she does the same thing, and the day after that.
On Friday, she sees Mr. Marino in the hall, and he sees her.
Mr. Marino
Excuse me, miss.
Mr. Marino
I wonder if you would stop by my office after school.
Jen
Okay, I’ll come by at 3:30.
At 3:30, Jen knocks on Mr. Marino’s office door, and he motions her to come inside.
Mr. Marino
I’ve noticed you standing…
Mr. Marino
Or should I say lurking…outside my door these past few days.
Mr. Marino
And I need to tell you to stop.
Mr. Marino
I think it could lead to misunderstandings.
Jen
What…what do you mean?
Mr. Marino
I don’t think I need to spell it out.
Mr. Marino
Just stay away from my classroom.
Jen is stunned and confused.
Mr. Marino
What about your mother?
Mr. Marino
What did your mother say?
Jen gets up from the chair.
Jen
I don’t think I need to spell it out.
Jen
But I’ll stay away, if that’s what you want.
After she leaves the office, Jen leans against a wall and starts crying.
A teacher walking by stares at her, and she pulls herself together.
Then she leaves for home.
She resolves never to interact with Mr. Marino again.
Regardless of her DNA, Hal is her real father.
That night Jen’s mom, Sara, gets a call from an unfamiliar number.
Man
Hello, is this Sara Stanton?
Man
Jennifer Stanton’s mother?
Sara
Yes. What is this about?
Man
This is Mark Marino. I’m the drama teacher at your daughter’s school.
Mr. Marino
I’m calling to discuss a delicate situation.
Mr. Marino
Your daughter appears to have developed an unhealthy attachment to me.
Mr. Marino
She has been lurking outside my classroom for several days now.
Mr. Marino
This has happened to me before.
Mr. Marino
I always find it best to stop it before it gets out of hand.
Mr. Marino
Young girls, what can you do?
Mr. Marino
I seem to attract the ones with daddy complexes.
Mr. Marino
But I would never endanger my career by getting involved with a student.
Mr. Marino
When I talked to her in my office she mentioned that YOU had told her something.
Mr. Marino
And I was wondering if you could explain.
Sara
There’s no need to pretend you don’t know who I am.
Mr. Marino
But…I DON’T know who you are.
Sara
From the community theater?
Mr. Marino
Oh, the community theater.
Mr. Marino
Which one were you?
Sara
It was the last performance. We went to the bar. I went back to your apartment.
Mr. Marino
Uh, that’s not narrowing it down.
Mr. Marino
There were so many back then.
Mr. Marino
Cleopatras, Cordelias, Ophelias…
Mr. Marino
The last performance is so emotional.
Mr. Marino
It can lead to even more emotions at my apartment.
Sara
Well, at any rate, I was one of the ones you were intimate with.
Sara
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this before, but…
Sara
Jennifer is your daughter.
At this Mr. Marino bursts out laughing.
Mr. Marino
I’m afraid that’s not possible.
Mr. Marino
Because I am incapable of having children.
Mr. Marino
I had surgery when I was 18 that caused me to become sterile.
There is a silence on the line.
Mr. Marino
Yes, I’m sure.
Mr. Marino
That girl is NOT my daughter.
Mr. Marino
I would stake my life on it.
Sara’s husband Hal walks into the house while Sara is still on the phone.
She quickly ends the call with Mr. Marino.
Sara
Okay, thanks for letting me know.
Sara
Just someone from the school.
Then Sara turns and looks searchingly at her husband.
He sees her doing it and laughs.
Sara
You know what I was thinking would be fun?
Sara
If we got one of those DNA tests done.
Sara
To find out what our ancestry is.
Hal
Can you read my mind?
Hal
I’ve just been thinking about doing that too!
Hal
They can come up with some unexpected results, though.
Hal
Are you ready for that?
Two months later, Jen is in the living room watching TV with her mom.
Hal is nearby at the dining room table, looking at his laptop.
Hal
Hey, my results just came in!
Hal
Didn’t your mother tell you?
Hal
We sent our saliva in to be analyzed.
Hal
So we can find out what our ancestry is.
She and her mother exchange glances.
Hal
Did you get yours yet, honey?
Sara
What does yours say?
Hal
I’m about to find out.
Hal
But I’m pretty sure it’s going to say I’m 100 percent Irish.
Hal
That’s what my parents are.
Hal opens the email with the results.
He reads it, reads it again, and shakes his head.
Jen
What does it say, Dad?
Hal
It says I’m part Italian and part Russian.
Hal
And only 20 percent Irish!
A look of confusion crosses his face.
He reaches for his phone.
Hal
I’m going to call my parents right now.
Hal
They have some explaining to do!
Jen
Are you sure you want to do that?
Jen
Well, whatever you find out, just remember.
Jen gives her own mother a special look.
Jen
Whatever you find out, they’re your real parents.
Jen
And they have been all along.
