JeremyMD
Hello. Who’s this?
Beelzie666
You’re a plastic surgeon right?
Beelzie666
I need your help, OFF the books
JeremyMD
Right … Who are you?
Beelzie666
See the guy in a yellow coat walking down the street?
JeremyMD
He just turned into a goat!!
Beelzie666
That’s not all …
JeremyMD
And the goat is spouting fire!
Beelzie666
And some more …
JeremyMD
It just said Jeremy and looked at me!!
Beelzie666
Know who I am now?
Beelzie666
What?? No, I’m way prettier
Beelzie666
I’m the Devil you idiot
JeremyMD
Are you some sort of illusionist?
Beelzie666
UGH! Ok you tell me what to do so that you’ll stop doubting
Beelzie666
But make it quick, I need your professional skill!
JeremyMD
Um ok … My boss was an asshole today
JeremyMD
If you’re the Devil, can you make him pay for that
Beelzie666
Easy! Should I boil him to death while being cut by rusty knives?
JeremyMD
I don’t want him to be horribly tortured, just something small
Beelzie666
How about painful hemorrhoids?
JeremyMD
Haha ok that sounds better
JeremyMD
How will I know it’s happening?
Beelzie666
Answer the phone :)
JeremyMD
What? Oh wait, I have a call
JeremyMD
Wow! That was my boss!
Beelzie666
What a surprise
JeremyMD
He asked me to cover for him tomorrow
Beelzie666
And why would that be
JeremyMD
His hemorrhoids are acting up …
Beelzie666
There you go :)
JeremyMD
Holy moly … so you’re the Devil?
Beelzie666
Finally!! It ain’t easy these days
Beelzie666
So I need you to perform an operation
JeremyMD
Wait why is your chat name Beelzie666?
Beelzie666
Le SIGH … It’s short and cute for Beelzebub …
Beelzie666
Ya know, Lord of the Flies and all that
JeremyMD
So that’s your actual name?
Beelzie666
No, I have many. Lucifer, Satan, Prince of Darkness, Joe …
Beelzie666
Well only my close friends call me that really
Beelzie666
ANYWAY, I’d like to propose a little pact
JeremyMD
Oh shit. Am I in trouble??
JeremyMD
Am I about to die or something??
Beelzie666
What? Ooh I get it, because the Devil contacted you
Beelzie666
Man it’s hard to talk to humans these days
JeremyMD
I’m not about to get raptured?? I’m not even religious!
Beelzie666
Ya, tell that to demon as he’s dunking you in a pit of lava
JeremyMD
WHAT? Wait I’m a good guy! I’ve done nothing wrong!!
Beelzie666
You certainly cheated on your girlfriend!
JeremyMD
ONE time and it didn’t mean anything!!!
Beelzie666
HA! I’m just messing with you man
Beelzie666
You’re not dying or going to hell, don’t worry
Beelzie666
Not yet anyway
JeremyMD
Jesus, you scared me!
Beelzie666
Yeah he does that to me as well
JeremyMD
So … What DO you want?
Beelzie666
FINALLY!! Well, it’s a bit embarrassing
JeremyMD
I mean, what is it that I can do for the Devil?
Beelzie666
You’re a really good plastic surgeon, right?
JeremyMD
Yes, I’m sure you know that anyway
Beelzie666
Correct. So I was wondering if you could …
Beelzie666
Make me look a bit better
JeremyMD
What do you mean? Can’t you just do that yourself?
Beelzie666
Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way
JeremyMD
But can’t the Devil take any shape?
Beelzie666
I can POSSESS other bodies, but that’s really uncomfortable
Beelzie666
It’s not really YOU ya know
JeremyMD
You can’t change yourself?
Beelzie666
No, I’m stuck with my physical form
JeremyMD
Sounds very powerless for the Devil …
JeremyMD
So what do you want? Bigger boobs?
Beelzie666
Watch it Jeremy, I AM still the Devil
Beelzie666
I’ve grown tired of the horns … and the cloven feet are a bit awkward these days
JeremyMD
Wow you actually look like that?
Beelzie666
You’ve seen me!
JeremyMD
Wait the goat that yelled my name that was YOU?
Beelzie666
You can see what I mean
Beelzie666
I just want to fit in, ya know
Beelzie666
It’s tough on a guy to always get shunned and scared of …
JeremyMD
Wow this is not what I imagined the Devil to be like
JeremyMD
You’re kind of a … pussy
Beelzie666
Says Mr Itmeantnothingmyass Cheater!!
JeremyMD
WTF I thought you liked it when people sin
Beelzie666
See that’s what everyone thinks. It’s just a job!!
JeremyMD
I suppose … haven’t thought of it that way
Beelzie666
Do you think garbage men LIKE it when people throw garbage away?
JeremyMD
Um, probably not?
Beelzie666
Or toilet cleaners LIKE it when someone takes a big fat dump??
Beelzie666
It gets frustrating
JeremyMD
Wow. Just wow. Basically, you’d like to have a human shape?
Beelzie666
You guessed it, doc
JeremyMD
And you want me to do it?
Beelzie666
You’re the best, and this has to be off the record, or I could get in trouble upstairs
Beelzie666
Yep. You get a wish of course
JeremyMD
This is crazy! Can I wish to be super famous??
Beelzie666
Yeah that’s easy
JeremyMD
Awesome! How about Saturday?
Beelzie666
It’s a deal! Thanks Jeremy
Beelzie666
This new look is amazing! You’re the best, Jeremy
JeremyMD
HEY! I just got fired today!! Someone tipped them off about the unapproved surgery!!
JeremyMD
I’m all over the newspapers
JeremyMD
They’re saying I’m not right in the head because I mentioned the Devil
Beelzie666
I granted your wish! You’re famous!!
JeremyMD
I didn’t mean famous for being a crazy malpractice doctor!?!
Beelzie666
Haha yeah well, you did make a pact with the Devil
Beelzie666
And you wished for something super selfish
Beelzie666
What did you think would happen?
JeremyMD
Aargh go to hell!!
Beelzie666
Already there – but I’ll see you soon anyway ;)
