Max
Amelia, please tell me that ur there...
Max
What do u mean, who is this!?
Amelia
Uve got to be kidding me.
Max
U deleted my number!?
Amelia
Why R U texting me??!
Amelia
I told U to never contact me again!
Max
Listen, I know the last time we talked things were a bit...well, not so friendly.
Max
But I’m in a little bit of a bind right now.
Amelia
When aren’t u in a bind, Max?
Amelia
What the hell do u want?
Max
2 men are threatening 2 kill me.
Max
1 of them is looking at me right now.
Amelia
I don’t have any money to bail u out this time. Sorry!
Amelia
Well, whatever it is, I don’t want to be roped into ur BS anymore
Amelia
so use ur “phone a friend” option w some other ex.
Max
I kind of took something of theirs.
Max
...and I kinda buried it in ur backyard.
Max
I did it while I was living there.
Amelia
I’m calling the cops.
Max
DON’T DO THAT! PLEASE!!!
Amelia
Max...there is now a large Russian man named Vas standing at my front door.
Max
Oh gr8, so he arrived.
Amelia
WHAT DO U MEAN OH GREAT??!!!
Max
So if u want Vas out of the house, all u have 2 do is just dig up the thing in the backyard.
Max
Don’t worry about that.
Amelia
How do I even know where to look for it!?!?
Amelia
HE’S EATING THE LAST PIECE OF CAKE IN THE KITCHEN!
Max
Yeah, he has a sweet tooth.
Max
Anyway, get a screwdriver, & go to the electrical outlet near the door in the spare bedroom.
Amelia
I swear to God, Max...
Max
Let me know when ur there.
Max
Okay, behind it, u should find a lottery ticket.
Amelia
U put PAPER behind an OUTLET!?
Amelia
U could’ve burned my house down!!
Max
Not the time, Amelia.
Amelia
Fine, I found it u IDIOT.
Max
So the numbers I checked off r coordinates 2 where its buried.
Amelia
Isn’t that in an episode of Breaking Bad?
Max
Yes. So I’m going to need u to use the compass on ur phone to find it.
Amelia
Did you hide a lot of money in my backyard??
Max
Don’t worry about what it is, just go get it please.
Max
Tell me when u r there.
Amelia
U R a son of a bitch, you know that?
Amelia
Vas has offered to dig, which is considerate.
Amelia
Something U NEVER WERE.
Amelia
R U being tortured btw?
Max
Got a few fingernails torn off, but he’s paused, depending on how fast this goes.
Amelia
So u mean if Vas and I go watch a movie, u might lose a couple of teeth? An eye?
Amelia
OMG! HOLY SHIT MAX THERE’S A DEAD DOG!
Amelia
OMG! Is this Mrs. Henderson’s missing dog???? OMG!!!
Max
Oh come on, u said u wished that yappy thing was dead.
Amelia
I DIDN’T MEAN KILL IT!
Max
It was drawing attention to me while I was digging.
Amelia
If this is money, u still owe me 20 grand and I’m taking it.
Max
U can hash that out with Vas.
Amelia
Vas and I are becoming pretty close friends.
Amelia
We have 1 huge thing in common.
Amelia
U wanna know what that is?
Max
That u think I’m a low life scumbag?
Max
Is he almost at the barrel?
Amelia
IT IS MONEY ISN’T IT!
Max
Amelia, is he almost at the barrel, because if he isn’t, I’m getting threats here.
Max
Please just answer the question.
Amelia
Hold on, we’re taking a cigarette break.
Amelia
Oh but it kinda is.
Amelia
Btw, Vas said he’d hold off as long as I wanted.
Amelia
I’m telling him 2 hold off until u tell me what u did w my Mom’s car?
Max
I told u, I didn’t take ur mom’s car.
Amelia
I’m shutting off my phone now.
Max
It’s at 142 Briarville Rd.
Max
The guy who bought it from me is named Adam.
Amelia
I like this game tho. I wonder what else I can find that u stole.
Max
U aren’t going 2 call the cops R U?
Amelia
How else am I going to get it back??
Max
Adam does drug runs for me.
Max
If u want me 2 pay u back, the barrel's ur best chance. No cops.
Max
so is Vas at the barrel yet??
Amelia
Yes. He got 2 it a little bit ago.
Max
WHY DIDN’T U SAY ANYTHING??
Amelia
Because. It’s empty.
Max
WHAT!? THERE WAS A MILLION DOLLARS IN THERE!
Max
HOLY SHIT WTF. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO NOW.
Amelia
LOL. I hate u so much.
Max
Whatever. Listen, if u could just do 1 extra thing.
Max
Can u take a picture of Vas putting the barrel in his car?
Max
Viktor needs proof & Vas forgot his phone here.
Max
He needs it so I can stay in the clear.
Amelia
That’s not going 2 happen.
Max
I know I was horrible 2 U, but I still love u!
Max
Maybe when I get out of here, we can talk.
Amelia
I’m not taking that picture, and here’s why:
Amelia
Vas arrived b4 u texted. My new bf Lance is visiting.
Amelia
Lance has a black belt in karate, so as soon as Vas came in...
Amelia
Vas got his ass kicked and he’s been out cold on my living room floor this whole time.
Max
AMELIA THIS ISN’T FUNNY!
Amelia
The cops r now on their way to get him, but thanks 4 the tip on the money.
Amelia
We’ve been meaning 2 blow town.
Max
DON’T JOKE W ME AMELIA!
Amelia
Ur not the only 1 who can lie and steal what’s not urs.
Amelia
Nice doing business.
Amelia
Hope you get to keep at least one fingernail or two. ;)
