Jack
Okay, Alicia, I’m here.
Jack
Why did you want to meet in this hotel room?
Alicia
Don’t you remember?
Jack
Is there going to be a party here?
Jack
Well then, why am I here?
Alicia
I’m talking about seventh grade.
Alicia
When we were in Bryan Schmerson’s basement…
Alicia
We promised each other that…
Jack
I’m going to need more details.
Alicia
We promised that we wouldn’t go to college as…
Jack
I didn’t think you remembered that.
Jack
Wait, is THAT why we’re here?
Alicia
Of course. What did you think?
Alicia
Well, I came prepared.
Jack
You brought five boxes of condoms?
Alicia
I didn’t know what size.
Jack
I’m gonna die of embarrassment now.
Alicia
You don’t want to keep our promise?
Jack
It’s not that, it’s just that…
Jack
No, god, Alicia, we can’t have sex.
Jack
Because we’re best friends!
Alicia
Exactly. That’s why it’s so perfect!
Jack
Plus, our families are having brunch tomorrow.
Alicia
What’s that got to do with it?
Jack
I can’t have sex with you and then eat waffles with your mom!
Alicia
It’s not like I was going to tell them!
Jack
Alicia, this is a terrible idea.
Alicia
Why don’t you say the real reason you don’t want to do this?
Jack
And what reason is that?
Alicia
It’s because you’re in love with Charlene Fry.
Alicia
You took her to prom, didn’t you?
Jack
Because I felt sorry for her…
Jack
Because her voice is so weird.
Alicia
It’s called an Australian accent!
Alicia
You know, like Nicole Kidman has?
Jack
Oh wow. Is that why she keeps calling me “mate?”
Alicia
If it’s not about her, then why don’t you want to do this?
Jack
Besides, what’s wrong with being a…
Jack
Will you stop saying that word?
Alicia
Look, I don’t want to do it for the first time with some rando.
Alicia
We’re going to different colleges.
Alicia
In three months, it might be too late.
Jack
Okay, I have to admit something.
Jack
It’s about Charlene Fry.
Alicia
That she’s sleeping with David Preston.
Alicia
Oh my god, Jack, everybody knows!
Alicia
Then what were you going to tell me?
Jack
Alicia, Charlene and I…
Jack
Well, you left all your condoms.
Alicia
Keep them, Jack! Use them on Charlene Fry!
Jack
Will you stop crying, please?
Alicia
I’m crying a little.
Jack
And anyway, just so you know…
Jack
Charlene and I didn’t even kiss after prom.
Alicia
Jack, why didn’t you ask ME to prom?
Jack
Alicia, I didn’t think you liked me…
Jack
Great, because I don’t like you either!
Jack
Don’t hit me with the condom boxes.
Alicia
I had nothing else to throw.
Jack
Can we talk about this?
Alicia
You know what, it’s fine.
Alicia
I have another offer anyway.
Alicia
Jonas Silverstein.
Jack
I don’t know, maybe because he’s my mortal enemy?
Alicia
You’re being dramatic.
Jack
He TP’d my house five Halloweens in a row.
Alicia
You can’t prove that was him.
Jack
He posted online that I had herpes.
Alicia
As an April Fool’s joke.
Alicia
Just go, Jack, please.
Alicia
You’ve made your feelings clear.
Jack
I’m not gonna leave you like this, Alicia.
Alicia
Why not? You’ll be leaving town soon anyway.
Jack
This isn’t about Charlene Fry at all.
Jack
You’re mad that I’m not going to Ohio State like you are.
Alicia
Okay, you’re right about that.
Alicia
I just don’t understand.
Alicia
We’d been planning it forever.
Alicia
We were going to go to the same college…
Alicia
And stay best friends.
Alicia
Nothing was going to change.
Jack
Everything changes eventually.
Alicia
But California, Jack?
Alicia
It might as well be the moon.
Jack
I’ll still be your best friend.
Alicia
I don’t want you to be my best friend, dummy!
Jack
You don’t mean that.
Jack
So what now? Do you want me to leave?
Alicia
Will you sit with me first?
Jack
Well, push the condoms over.
Alicia
Oh, sorry. Here you go.
Jack
Do you really not want to be best friends anymore?
Alicia
The truth is, Jack…
Alicia
The truth is I never wanted to be just friends.
Alicia
I think I’ve been waiting since seventh grade…
Alicia
For you to realize that.
Jack
Because I was in love with you then.
Alicia
You never told me.
Jack
I’m telling you now.
Alicia
Well, it’s too late now!
Jack
I’m not leaving for another month.
Jack
But I do like being your best friend.
Jack
It means that you always turn to me first.
Jack
Like when the invitation to your 14th birthday party had the wrong date on it…
Jack
And you were in your room crying…
Jack
And you called me and we went to the trampoline park.
Alicia
That was the best birthday ever!
Alicia
I still have the sticky socks.
Alicia
Hey, are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Jack
That we go get those sticky socks?
Alicia
Yeah! And jump until we’re dizzy!
Jack
Yeah! And then get ice cream after that.
Jack
Just because I’m your best friend…
Jack
Doesn’t mean I can’t be more.
Jack
So in case it comes up…
Jack
The yellow box is the right one.
