Sera
Deidre, I need your help.
Deidre
What kind of spell…
Sera
I feel so predictable. I need a love spell 😔
Deidre
Why can’t you cast it yourself? You’re in a strong coven!
Sera
I know. I’ve tried, over and over, but I just can’t seem to get it to take.
Sera
You’re the most powerful witch I know.
Deidre
Now you’re just buttering me up.
Deidre
Aaaaand it’s working.
Deidre
So, what are we manifesting?
Sera
My boyfriend and I broke up three months ago and I’m miserable.
Sera
I need to get us back together.
Deidre
Oh, the ol’ “Get Him Back” Spell.
Deidre
You know breakups are supposed to hurt, right?
Deidre
Sadness doesn’t necessarily mean you should still be together.
Sera
He feels more right than anything I’ve ever known. And I wrecked it.
Sera
I know it was my fault. I own that.
Deidre
How do you figure?
Sera
I was too needy. Too much. Just too, everything.
Deidre
Yeah, sounds like you really messed that one up…
Deidre
Ok, I’ll help you.
Sera
You will?! Thank you so much.
Deidre
Don’t thank me yet.
Deidre
It’s going to take a while.
Deidre
And remember, for this to work, you have to do everything I say.
Deidre
The first part is going to be tough.
Deidre
The “Get Him Back” Spell requires total separation from the love object.
Deidre
You can’t talk to him, write him, or look at his social media accounts. Can you do that?
Deidre
Do you want him back or not?
Deidre
Good. I’ll leave the spell in my mailbox for you to pick up.
Deidre
It’s in a black silk bag. Carry it everywhere you go, and whatever you do—
Deidre
Don’t look inside the bag.
Deidre
Let me know when you have it, k?
Deidre
Good. Remember, don’t look inside.
Deidre
Ok, to activate the spell, you’ll need to expose it to various elements.
Deidre
First, you need to soak the bag with your tears.
Deidre
You need a lot, so I recommend setting aside a few evenings this week to cry.
Deidre
Turn on sad music and really go for it.
Deidre
And make sure to capture the tears on the bag.
Deidre
We won’t be able to get him back unless the bag is really soaked.
Sera
Hey Deidre, I got the bag really soaked.
Sera
I cried so hard. Over and over. I’m so dehydrated.
Deidre
What about the no-contact rule?
Sera
I didn’t text back. He just wanted my Netflix password anyway.
Sera
Oh, he just likes to be really frugal.
Sera
He’s really into investing for the future.
Sera
I wish I could have sent him the password. But playing hard to get is really important for the spell, right?
Sera
Ok, what’s my task this week?
Deidre
You need to expose the spell to the smoke of regrets.
Deidre
Take a piece of paper and write down everything you think you screwed up in the relationship.
Sera
You mean the things I KNOW I screwed up?
Deidre
Ok, sure. Write all that down.
Deidre
Then take it down to the beach and light it on fire.
Deidre
Hold the bag over the smoke.
Deidre
When you’re done, bury a little bit of the ash on the beach, and let the wind carry the rest away.
Deidre
All the while, be sure you chant “I’m free. I’m free. I’m free.”
Sera
But I don’t want to be free. I want to be with him.
Deidre
Oh, don’t worry — independence is very sexy.
Deidre
It’ll create the space for him to come back.
Sera
Ohhhh, I get it. He always said I crowded him.
Sera
This will just send him the vibe that I’m never going to be clingy again.
Sera
I did it, Deidre! It felt kind of…
Sera
I mean, I guess. More like, I really examined all my mistakes and now I definitely won’t make them again!
Deidre
We need to expose the bag to a lot of positive energy.
Deidre
We want to create a magnetic force field that will draw him back to you.
Sera
I like the sound of that!
Deidre
The spell needs to be exposed to the Laughter of Friends for several hours.
Deidre
It can get a bit diffused if you try and do it in a restaurant or bar. The best thing to do is to throw a party.
Deidre
And not invite him.
Sera
Deidre! It’s really working!
Sera
He saw all my friends posting about the party and he texted me all night.
Sera
He wants to meet me to talk.
Deidre
And what was your response?
Sera
Nothing! There’s no way I’m giving up on the spell now.
Deidre
Good girl. If you cave in now, the results might be only temporary.
Deidre
You want him back for good, right?
Sera
I sure do. Ok, what’s next?
Deidre
Next, you need to expose the spell to your romantic soul.
Deidre
Take the bag shopping for a spectacular new outfit.
Deidre
Get a manicure and a pedicure, and then take it out dancing.
Deidre
Do anything you can to make yourself feel amazing.
Deidre
The better you feel, the stronger the magnetic pull that draws him back in.
Sera
Woah, this step sounds great!
Sera
BTW, he’s texting me all the time.
Sera
In fact, he’s starting to sound a little desperate…
Deidre
Right on track for week three!
Deidre
That’s just what we like to see in week four.
Deidre
In fact, I think the spell is close to complete.
Sera
You mean, I can finally respond to all his texts?
Deidre
Let me know how it goes.
Sera
It was okay, I guess?
Sera
He invited me out and we split the bill…
Sera
And he even stuck me with the tax and the tip!
Deidre
I thought you liked how frugal he is.
Sera
I do. And I guess I still love him but…
Sera
Well, I haven’t seen him in six weeks and he didn’t ask me one single thing about myself.
Deidre
Interesting. Did he want to get back together?
Sera
He wanted to hook up.
Sera
He said we could “talk about” seeing each other again…
Sera
But he wants to date other people too.
Sera
I said I’d think about it. I guess the spell didn’t work.
Deidre
Why do you say that?
Sera
Well, for one, I didn’t really get him back. And…
Sera
I’m not sure I care.
Sera
I just don’t feel as good around him as I do with my friends.
Sera
Or even just by myself.
Sera
And if he were really the one for me, wouldn’t he have stuck around, to try and work it out?
Sera
I guess the spell just didn’t work.
Sera
Anyway, thanks for trying. I’m sure your other spells are really great.
Deidre
Oh, well, you win some, you lose some. 😉 ✨
