Jude
They are all KILLING THEMSELVES!
Jude
ANOTHER suicide in my family …
Christina
Oh no I’m so sorry
Jude
I think I might be going crazy
Jude
What if it’s some sort of psycho virus and I’m next??
Christina
I hope not. Who was it?
Jude
Apparently he set himself on fire
Jude
And burned the whole house down as well
Christina
Terrible … You said another – who were the others?
Jude
Remember on our first date I told you that my grandma had just passed away?
Christina
I do. Abby, right?
Jude
Yes. She asked my Pappy – Sam – to kill her
Christina
Wow, like euthanasia?
Jude
Yeah, she was ill … And he did it!!
Christina
He must have loved her a lot
Christina
What do you mean?
Jude
After he ended Mammy’s life, he turned the gas on and blew up everything
Jude
The house collapsed on him
Jude
I know. That was how it began …
Christina
There’s MORE? You poor thing
Jude
I don’t know if I should be telling you all this
Jude
Well we’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks
Christina
That’s the whole point, right?
Jude
But I love you so much!
Jude
Without you I’d have nothing left to live for
Christina
Aw thanks. But who were the others?
Jude
Not long after, my uncle Sal killed himself …
Christina
Is that the one with the knife? Who does that?
Jude
… I know, I’ve been asking myself the same question
Christina
Why did he do it?
Jude
Idk, that’s the creepy part. None of them had any reason to do it at all
Christina
Maybe they all had a dark secret?
Jude
Not that anyone knows of … and it goes on
Jude
My aunt … she found uncle Sal and just
Jude
Sorry this is really hard for me
Christina
Of course dear, I’m here for you
Jude
She took his knife, wedged it on the floor and sort of … fell on it
Jude
Yeah, it was horrible
Christina
This is getting super scary
Jude
I know … It’s like that whole side of my family was wiped out
Jude
My other cousin, Topher
Jude
Hanged himself in his room
Jude
That makes a total of 6 people!! In two months!!!
Christina
No, I mean, I just thought of something
Christina
I was at a prayer group the other day, and we read some lines from the Bible
Jude
You were at a prayer group?
Christina
I go sometimes. We read about Saul who killed himself. And then his armour-bearer ‘fell on the sword’ too
Christina
I just thought of that when you talked about your uncle and aunt
Jude
Yeah it did seem kind of Biblical
Christina
What? Not another one?
Jude
I just googled Saul and one of the things that came up was Suicides in the Bible
Jude
Apparently there is a total of 7 suicides in the Bible … Two of them are Saul and his companion
Christina
Wait, wasn’t your uncle’s name Sal?
Christina
Whoa … What are the others?
Jude
The first one is Abimelech who asked someone else to kill him
Jude
My Mammy’s name was Abby … and she asked Pappy to kill her …
Christina
Wow this is weird. But he also killed himself! Is that in the Bible?
Jude
The next suicide is Samson, who brought the house down on himself and the Philistines …
Christina
Oh My God! Your Pappy was Sam! And he brought the house down on himself!!!
Jude
What is happening here?
Christina
Maybe it’s just a creepy coincidence?
Jude
Can’t be … After that it’s Sal and his companion … and then Ahithophel who hangs himself, and Zimri, who burns himself
Christina
Your cousins Topher and Zim …
Jude
I’m actually shaking right now
Christina
Well, they all deserved it
Christina
You don’t know what it’s like to be cast away from your family
Jude
What are you talking about?
Christina
A lifetime of hatred, that’s what
Jude
OMG … I just realized
Jude
How did you know that my uncle used a knife? I never told you that until you said it
Christina
Oops, just a little lapsus out of eagerness
Christina
Your family had another member
Christina
Who got cast away as a baby and left to die, because she was a ‘mistake’ and the result of cheating
Jude
What? I’ve never heard of that
Christina
You better believe it. You’re talking to her
Christina
I’ve wanted my revenge for soooo long
Jude
You’re my COUSIN? And you did this? YOU DID THIS????
Christina
And I enjoyed every minute of it
Jude
YOU KILLED MY WHOLE FAMILY?
Christina
A bunch of hypocrites and cheaters. It was rather clever though, don’t you think?
Christina
Made it look like suicides, Biblically themed … It all worked out
Jude
But … I loved you! You’re all that I lived for!
Christina
Now you can choose: turn me over to the police, or be with me …
Jude
You’re a MONSTER!!! I’m calling 911 right now
Jude
Done. They are coming for you, you bitch
Christina
Ah yes, adding the last suicide to the bunch
Jude
Don’t you dare kill yourself … You need to be punished. You destroyed my life!
Christina
I wasn’t talking about me
Jude
What? Omg … The seventh suicide in the Bible
Jude
It’s Judas, after he betrays Christ …
Christina
Well done. Welcome to my masterpiece
Jude
You’re Christina, and I’m Jude … and I just turned you over to the police
Christina
The last thing you had to live for, gone …
Christina
See you on the other side then, honey
