Rem
Morning, sunshine! Buenos dias!
Leah stares blearily at her phone.
Leah
OMG. I only speak English. What do you want??
Leah
It’s 6 a.m. What the hell?
Rem
Exactly. You’re not up?
Leah
Um, no. And I won’t be for a solid hour.
Rem
Wait. Are you seriously still in bed??
Rem
I got the impression from my days as a student that 5th grade teachers rose with the sun!
Leah
It’s December. The sun is not up.
Leah
Did you actually pass 5th grade, or just call it in? 😉
Rem
Haha, I had a long and illustrious academic career. But enough about me…
Rem
What are you doing today?
Rem
I mean, once you get up.
Leah
I’m staying here forever, lol. I’m warm, or didn’t I mention?
Rem
Why stay there? It’s a lovely day outside! Cold, but bright.
Leah
And you know this — how?
Rem
I went out to the end of the drive to get the paper.
Rem
Wouldn’t you like that?
Rem
But no, I have neighbors. That could’ve led to loose talk, prosecution, and worst of all…
Leah
😂 Envy is a terrible thing.
Rem
Listen, you can call me Rem, if you want. Can I call you Li?
Leah
Ooh, I like Rem. It’s almost as if we’re lovers now.
Leah
But I like when people call me by my full name.
Leah opens her contacts and changes Remington’s name. She smiles.
Rem
Fair enough. Leah it remains.
Rem
So Leah, what time DO you normally rise?
Leah
That’s what she said…
Rem
Haha, seriously, what time do you get out of bed?
Leah
About 1/2 hour from now. I don’t have to be to work until 8.
Leah
You always up this early?
Rem
Most days. I like an early start. We early birds like our worms.
Leah
Most men like things like bugs and worms.
Leah
And I see one of them is flirting. But really, what do you do?
Rem
I’m a fisherman, but that just feeds me occasionally.
Rem
Never really been paid for that, so my main income is from my financial consulting work.
Leah
And what does that mean, exactly?
Rem
I consult with businesses to streamline their finances and enhance their investments.
Rem
I was thinking about you losing your V-card to me.
Leah waits a few heated minutes before responding, letting the delicious tension build.
Rem
I know you want it to be a purely sexual experience…
Rem
But I just don’t think it will be.
Rem
Meaning, women get attached.
Rem
I’m telling you, I’m not. It’s in your DNA.
Rem
Women are designed that way. You have emotions and shit.
Rem
You know what I mean.
Leah
Listen. I mean what I said last night.
Leah
I’m not looking for a husband, or even a boyfriend.
Leah
I want to check this one thing off my list.
Rem
And you want to lose it to a sex god.
Rem
No — you’ve come to the right place.
Rem
But — in order for you to have the best possible experience…
Rem
We’re going to work you up to it.
Rem
I’m not going to just meet you tonight and screw your brains out.
Leah
But fine. What do you have in mind?
Rem
Well, we’re gonna have ourselves a bit of foreplay.
Rem
We’re going to work ourselves into a frenzy waiting for the actual date.
Rem
Let’s set a date. We’ll call it V-Day.
Rem
And every day leading up to that, we’ll engage by over text message…
Rem
Stroking the fire, if you will.
Rem
I want us to start sending pictures of our body parts…
Rem
Bit by bit, like a puzzle.
Rem
So that on V-Day, when we meet, it will all come together.
Leah
Don’t you mean CUM together?
Leah
😂 Ok. I’m game.
Rem
V-Day, if you’re amenable, is…
Leah
A whole week of foreplay?
Leah
That’s practically tantric, I think.
Rem
Yes, you’re a lucky woman.
Leah
That remains to be seen.
Rem
I’m a man of my word.
Leah
So what exactly are you giving me your word to do?
Rem
I vow to make your first sexual experience breathtaking.
Leah
Ok. That one will work.
Rem
Can I hear your voice?
Rem
I mean, I’d like to hear you. Please
Rem
All of this talk about how you want to use me…
Rem
It has me feeling a little objectified, tbh.
Rem
On your phone, there’s a little icon that looks like a microphone.
Rem
Push it. Say my name.
Rem
I need to know that I’m not secretly talking to a fifty-year old burly truck driver.
Leah
If I do, will you leave me alone so I can go back to sleep?
Then she presses the microphone button…
And moans his name in a very sexual way…
Low and slow, with all three breathy syllables.
Rem
I’m going to need a shower now.
Rem
Perhaps. I’m just gonna…need some time in the shower.
Leah
Sheesh! Well, happy scrubbing 😊
Leah
I’m going back to sleep.
Rem
When do I get to talk with you again?
Leah’s heart flutters against her will.
Rem
Yes. It’s a pleasure talking with you, Leah.
Rem
I can’t wait to do it again.
Rem
Besides, we need to exchange our first body part pictures.
Leah’s heart flutters again.
