The Thirty-Year-Old Virgin - Episode 4
by Courtney Cole
Callahan Investments has been abuzz since the opening bells have rung at the Stock Market.
Rem sits at his desk, staring at the view from his 15th floor office.
His secretary comes in with a stack of papers in her arms.
Mr. Callahan, I need your signature.
Rem sighs, but turns dutifully and reaches for the papers.
He signs his full name with flourish.
I’ll be right outside if you need me, sir.
Twenty minutes pass.
Suddenly, a beautiful woman in an expensive skirt-suit pushes into his office.
Her perfume trails perfume behind her — as does Janet, who’s right on her heels.
Sir, I tried to stop her, but—
It’s ok, Janet. I can handle this.
The secretary turns and leaves.
Rem fixes his eyes on the woman as she perches in the chair across from him.
Rachel! What’s wrong?
I can’t stop thinking about you, Rem.
Rem tries to shake off a comment with a laugh. He lifts an eyebrow.
You have time to think about someone?
My VPs are usually too busy for that kind of behavior.
I’m not just any VP and you know that, Remi.
Rem eyes her warily.
No one calls me Remi.
It’s almost like you’re insinuating something happened between us…
And nothing did, Rachel. You know that.
Honestly, this is pretty inappropriate.
Rachel turns her mouth into a pretty pout.
We could happen though—
Think of how great we’d be together.
It’s against the rules for co-workers to date at Callahan Investments.
Yes, but you make the rules—
So you can break them.
You know there’s something between us.
Anyone can feel it. It’s in the air.
It’s palpable. It’s—
I said it isn’t appropriate, Rachel.
You’re a beautiful woman, but I’m sorry.
Rules are rules.
Scowling, Rachel stands up, putting her nose in the air.
I don’t take no lying down, Remi.
Rem nods.
That’s why you the best on my negotiations team.
But this isn’t up for debate.
Rachel flashes him a smile, but it looks more like grimace.
I’ve got a meeting in five minutes.
I’ll be back afterward to change your mind. Like you said…
I’m a great negotiator.
Rem sighs after she leaves, spinning around in his big leather chair.
He stares out at the horizon once again.
Rachel may be beautiful and smart, but she isn’t the woman he wants.
He picks up his phone and types a text.
Hey. How’s your day? 🙂
A student just threw up on my desk 🤢
Lord, there isn’t enough Lysol in the world for that.
Tell me about it.
Are you at work?
Yes.
What’s it like there? Do you have an office?
Like, a quiet one, with no kids eating crayons?
If fifth graders are eating crayons, I fear for our future 😄
But I do have an office. It’s a decent spot.
He glances at the mahogany opulence surrounding him.
He’d grown accustomed to it, but seeing it now…
It made him envision it through her eyes.
It was incredibly nice, especially since no one was vomiting on his desk.
Hey, I have a question — and I need some female wisdom for the answer.
All right — hit me with it.
What would you say is the best thing to do…
When an aggressive woman comes onto an uninterested man…
And won’t take no for an answer?
Leah freezes at her desk.
She instinctively runs her finger over her scar.
Is she pretty?
Rachel? Yes.
And she knows it. That’s why she’s aggressive.
Do you like her?
As a person? Yes.
But she’s an employee.
Would you be interested in her if she wasn’t?
Hmm. I don’t know. She’s a bit polished for my taste.
I guess most men wouldn’t throw her out of bed, though.
Leah sucks in a breath.
Are you trying to make me jealous, Rem?
Because I don’t appreciate it.
No, of course not. I was just being honest.
The first thing you should know about me is—
I don’t like games.
Leah puts her phone down and stands up to read a book aloud to her class.
With her phone on silent, she ignores everything he says.
After she finishes reading, she scans Rem’s messages.
Leah.
Leah, please let’s talk about this.
Don’t be mad at me — I promise I didn’t mean anything with the Rachel thing.
Leah, are you there?
And hour later, Leah texts him back.
What is it?
Are you mad at me?
Yes.
Why??
I told you…I don’t like games.
Good, because I don’t play them.
Then why are you trying to make me jealous?
I’m not. I was trying to have an authentic conversation with you.
You asked me questions, I answered them honestly.
Now I need advice, so I thought you could help me.
Well it seemed like you were trying to mess with my head.
Whoa — how’d you come to that conclusion?
Look, I’m not sure who you’ve dated in the past…
But I’m not like that.
Leah bites her lip.
Really?
Yeah. I’m not going to let you lose your virginity to an ass, Leah.
Leah checks herself—
She’s the one who said she didn’t want any strings, so she has no right to get mad anyway.
She ignores the feelings tugging at her heart and starts to type.
Ok. Fine. I’ll assume you’re being genuine.
And I am.
Ok. If you’re turning down someone you’re really not into, you’ve got to be firm.
Firm?
Yeah. You can’t try to flatter her to alleviate her feelings.
Or dodge her with a made-up excuse.
That will just lead her on and make her think she has a chance.
But don’t be an ass.
Walk a fine line?
Exactly. Be firm and clear, without being an ass.
Now, tell me what you’re going to say.
Ok.
Rachel, I can’t see you.
It’s against the rules, and while I value you as an employee and friend…
I’m not interested in anything further.
Although I already told her that. And it didn’t work.
Hmmm.
OH! I know. I’ll tell her I’m seeing someone else.
It’s not a lie.
Leah’s breath catches.
You’re seeing someone?
Well, I haven’t seen you in person yet, but I still feel like this counts.
Leah’s heart pounds as she realizes he’s referring to her.
You think so too, right?
That we’re seeing each other?
Um, yeah.
That should totally work.
If you’re firm.
Thanks, Teach.
By the way, I’m firm whenever I think about you…
Really firm 😉
🙄 Good luck. Tell me about it later.
Rem puts his phone away and Janet comes back in.
Mr. Callahan, I need to confirm your dinner engagement at the Sterling’s on Friday.
Rem answers her absent-mindedly. After all, Leah just agreed that she was dating him.
Sure, yeah. I’ll be there.
And Janet? Call Rachel and tell her I need to see her after her meeting, please.
Right away, sir.
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