Lucy
Ugh, nothing. Drinking alone and swiping through Tinder.
Adam
And that’s why we’re friends 🙂
Lucy
Because I’m the one person more pathetic than you are?
Adam
Because you’re the one person who won’t judge me for spending my Friday night drinking alone on Tinder. 🍺
Lucy
You know I’ve got your back, lol.
Adam
Ever since you shared your crayons with me in kindergarten.
Lucy
Friends forever – I’ll drink to that!
Adam
Hey, why aren’t we drinking together?
Lucy
I’m already in bed, though.
Adam
Want to get together tomorrow, then?
Lucy
How about 7 at the Roadhouse? Unless one of us finds a date before then.
Adam
Given tonight’s prospects, I’m pretty sure I’ll be free.
Lucy
We need to find you someone, Adam.
Lucy
You’ve been single for too long!
Lucy
Now ME on the other hand…
Adam
I can’t believe how long you were with Craig.
Lucy
And then he dumped me like it was nothing 🙁
Adam
Here’s to better relationships — for both of us.
Lucy
I just swiped right on a guy who’s not hideous, has a job, and uses complete sentences.
Lucy
I know. I can’t believe my standards are so low.
Adam
Welcome to singledom!
Lucy
Oh shit, I just matched with him!
Lucy
I’ll keep you posted…
Lucy pours herself a whiskey.
On Tinder, she sees a text from the guy she just swiped right on.
Raul
You’re up late tonight 🙂
Lucy
I’m a total night owl, haha. What about you?
Raul
Total morning person.
Lucy
We’re already incompatible!
Raul
Damn! And I was about to ask if you wanted to get a drink this weekend.
Lucy
Haha, I’ll think about it.
Lucy
At least you didn’t suggest a 5 am run.
Raul
LOL. You know I’m a personal trainer, right?
Lucy
Yeah, it was pretty hard to miss that on your profile.
Lucy
And I know it’s true, what with the biceps and all 😉
Raul
I resisted posting any gym selfies, though.
Lucy
It’s good to show a little restraint.
Raul
Not too much, though…
Raul
I don’t believe in holding back.
Damn, this guy isn’t shy!
Lucy takes a sip of whiskey.
Raul
I’d have trouble picking a favorite pic of yours 😉
Raul
I’m sure that looks good, too.
Lucy
What’s keeping you up this late, early bird?
Raul
It’s Friday night, and my Saturday morning client cancelled…
Raul
I just thought I’d see what someone beautiful like you is up to.
Just then Lucy’s phone vibrates.
She switches to a message from Adam.
Adam
Any other redeeming qualities?
Lucy
Hot, Adam! Isn’t that enough?
Adam
I thought you said he “wasn’t hideous.”
Lucy
I was trying to temper my excitement.
Lucy
And now I’ve had more to drink.
Lucy switches back to Tinder.
Lucy
Ha, yeah. Just hanging out watching Hulu even though I should be getting ready for bed.
Raul
You know that means I have to ask you…
Raul
What do you like to sleep in?
Lucy
Is that your way of finding out what I’m wearing?
Lucy
I’m lying in bed in a thin, lacy tank top…
Lucy
And a little something on the bottom to match.
Raul
That’s a nice image.
Lucy sees another text message from Adam.
Adam
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Lucy
But isn’t that the point?
Lucy
I spent EIGHT YEARS with Craig.
Lucy
High school, all of college…
Adam
You were always ditching me to hang out with him, just when the parties were heating up!
Lucy
That’s why I need to have a little fun.
Lucy
And by have fun, I mean do something stupid.
Adam
Isn’t “fun and stupid” why skydiving was invented?
Lucy
No way! I’d rather get laid.
Adam
You really did miss out on dating in college, haha.
Lucy
We didn’t all get around like some people.
Adam
Ah, the good old days.
Adam
Too bad they didn’t last, lol.
Lucy
Let’s hope mine are just getting started! Since this new guy just asked what I’m wearing…
Adam
I take it we’re not meeting at the Roadhouse tomorrow 😉
Lucy
Depends on what HE’S wearing!
She toggles back to Tinder.
Lucy
Don’t tell me you’re not going to return the favor and tell me what you’re wearing!
Raul
I usually sleep in boxers…
Raul
Unless you want me to put on more clothes for you?
Raul
Or do you want me to take more off?
At that point Lucy HAS to text Adam.
Lucy
Maybe he’ll keep his boxers on, though…
Adam
Pretty sure this conversation is the definition of TMI.
Lucy
Come on! It’s late, I’m single for the first time in forever…
Lucy
Can’t a girl unwind a little?
Adam
How come I never match with someone like you???
Lucy
Because I’m one of a kind!
Adam
You’re certainly unique, Luce.
Adam
And don’t be bummed out, okay?
Adam
Craig was an idiot for breaking up with you.
Lucy opens Raul’s picture.
Lucy
I have a good imagination.
Lucy
Now I suppose you’ll want me to return the favor.
Raul
I do believe in equality.
Lucy takes a deep breath.
And another sip of whiskey.
Maybe it’s more like a gulp.
She snaps a picture of herself in her very low-cut lacy tank.
With a hint of underwear peeking out from under the covers.
She has a debate with herself for a minute, then says fuck it and presses send.
Raul
Now it’s my turn to say WOW.
Raul
Any more where that came from?
Raul
I sure as hell hope so.
Lucy returns to her regular messages.
Adam
Did your eyeballs burn off?
Lucy
Something is definitely on fire!
Adam
Just remember that it occasionally matters what’s between their ears.
Adam
Not just between their legs.
Adam
I just don’t want to see you get hurt.
Lucy
You mean get hurt again 🙁
Adam
Take it from the master — I could write a book on shitty Tinder dates.
Lucy
You just need to find the right girl.
Adam
But you need the right guy.
Adam
Someone who appreciates you.
Lucy
And since that’s never going to happen, you’ll always have a drinking buddy at the Roadhouse!
Adam
Hey, I’m not complaining 🙂
Lucy wants to respond. But first she goes back to Tinder.
She sees that Raul has sent her another photo.
This one shows a LOT more than the one before…
Lucy licks her lips. Damn.
Lucy
You’re making it hard for a night owl to get to sleep.
Raul
It’s your fault for making something hard in the first place…
Lucy pauses for a second.
But Raul is the first halfway-decent guy she’s talked to in AGES.
Why can’t she enjoy herself?
She takes one more sip of whiskey.
Then she sneaks her tank top up juuuust enough and takes a close-up.
She types a message to Raul.
Then she types a message to Adam.
Lucy
You’re just jealous of all the dates I get.
Her phone vibrates with new messages.
She goes back to her chat with Adam.
Adam
What did you just send me???
What is he talking about?
Now she has a new message from Raul, too.
Raul
Uhhhhhh, how many other dates are we talking about?
Lucy stares at her phone.
That’s when she realizes her mistake.
She sent the racy picture to Adam.
And the joke about having a lot of dates to Raul.
She downs the rest of her whiskey.
